Fighting Addiction
A newspaper article last month described how, in an ironic role reversal, many professional working parents, when home, are sneaking their Blackberries (or a similar device) into the closet or the bathroom to check e-mail so their children and spouses don’t catch them. These parents are e-mailing while at their kids’ school events and at home during “family time” (including dinner.) In shame they take to hiding their dirty “habit.”
The Blackberry (also unaffectionate called “CrackBerry” because of its sometimes addictive nature) is a hand-held device that provides 24/7 connection to your job. The Blackberries are the workplace cyber tool of the new millennium which enables you to always be in touch with work e-mail and the Internet. It can be both a blessing and a curse.
It can be intrusive and can eliminate any remaining boundaries of work-life balance, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Life is full of choices and any tool can be misused or abused. A shovel is a marvelous invention, but you wouldn’t use it to clear snow off your car’s windshield — or at least not very often. Some employees or managers have addictive or obsessive-compulsive personalities and get hooked on things like this.
So, beware of your possible addiction to these tools and know that you’ve probably gone too far when you take it to bed with you in fear that you might miss something important! Set reasonable limits and boundaries so that it’s a tool to help increase your effectiveness not a device that always needs to be on and ruling your life!
Work-Life Initiatives
In analyzing the needs of today and tomorrow’s workforce, work-life balance is high on the list of issues facing both employers and employees. It is a critical issue at the forefront for both families and for Corporate America (actually not just Corporate America…it’s a global issue!)
Balance is really about being in control and feeling comfortable with your choices not about a juggling act. There are numerous studies I have read. They indicate a direct correlation between strong support of work-life balance practices and positive employee retention, productivity, and customer service ratings. Even so, work-life balance is not simply something a company can do for its individual employees. It also includes what individuals do for themselves in attaining meaningful achievement and enjoyment in everyday life.
However, keep in mind some inherent realities I picked up from a BLOG called “Brother in Arms” that I tend to agree with wholeheartedly:
• Not everything is of equal importance in your life, and perfect balance probably does not mean equality.
• Your life is constantly changing and you constantly need to reallocate your resources.
• Things happen that are out of your control, but it is up to you to respond to these external forces.
• Change in one area probably impacts all others, so be flexible and proactive.
• Recognize and accept that you will probably drop a ball or two now and then.
Explore your corporate and organizational work-life initiatives. When both company and employee efforts are complementary and sincere, true work-life balance can be achieved.
Workplace Policies for Super Busy Parents
Just this week, a new study came out with Harvard and McGill University researchers saying that “workplace policies for families in the United States are weaker than those of all high-income countries and many middle- and low-income countries.” In a related article in USA Today, it was reported that the US lags the rest of the world in government support for family oriented work policies.
“More countries are providing the workplace protections that millions of Americans can only dream of,” said the study’s lead author, Jody Heymann, founder of the Harvard-based Project on Global Working Families and director of McGill’s Institute for Health and Social Policy.
Among the study’s findings:
* The U.S. is one of only five countries out of 173 in the survey that does not guarantee some form of paid maternity leave; the others are Lesotho, Liberia, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea.
* Fathers get paid paternity leave or paid parental leave in 65 countries, including 31 offering at least 14 weeks of paid leave. The U.S.: none.
* At least 107 countries protect working women’s right to breast-feed; the breaks are paid in at least 73 of them. The U.S.: no federal legislation guaranteeing the right to breast-feed at work.
* At least 145 countries provide paid sick days, with 127 providing a week or more annually. The U.S. provides unpaid leave through the Family and Medical Leave Act, which does not cover all workers; there is no federal law providing for paid sick * * At least 126 countries have laws mandating that employers give workers a day of rest each week. The U.S. does not have a maximum work week length or a limit on mandatory overtime per week.
Truth is, the US leaves it up to companies to decide what kinds of benefits, including family-oriented ones, to offer to workers. The belief is that in a free market, if perks like these are really desired by enough workers then companies will offer them.
Many big companies in the US offer lots of family-friendly benefits, but this study shows that in the aggregate we lag way behind the rest of the world.
It’s time for American companies to step up!
Managing the Homefront in your Super Busy life
I’ve been coming across more and more women who have husbands who have left the work force to be home with the kids. For some, this is the perfect solution. This tends to work real well when there are more career opportunities and ambition by the woman but a desire to have the children primarily cared for by their parents.
What I find happens in some cases is sort of a disconnect. There’s somewhat of a role reversal to the former traditional model of the father as the bread-winner for the family. This may create feelings of resentment, jealousy, frustration on the negative side or feelings of appreciation, support, encouragement on the positive side. Neither feelings are right or wrong.
The problem comes when these feelings are not discussed honestly and openly. Someone feeling negatively really needs to be heard. Otherwise, this may adversely effect the relationship, and ultimately the family unit.
Many of the women I know who are the bread-winners of their family tend to be controlling. Not necessarily a ‘control-freak’ or not necessarily consciously but by default. Husbands in the role of a stay-at-home dad may relinquish their role and behave in a subservient manner. The frustration for women comes when they not only work long hours in their career but are also expected to oversee or manage the household despite having someone capable at home.
I don’t think there are any quick solutions but a need for constant communication. Both parents need to be clear about their roles and contributions to the family unit. They need to be in touch with their feelings and recognize when they’re not feeling good about something; then address it without placing blame or judgment.
Beings this seems to be a growing area of interest and concern, I’d love to hear from those of you in this type of situation. Please email me to describe your situation as well as what’s working and what’s not. I’ll continue updating a BLOG discussion on this topic as I hear from more of you.
Thanks,
Coach Natalie
Small Business survey results
Employees of small businesses say work-life balance is better than large companies. The main benefit of working at a small business is a good work-life balance, according to a recent employee survey by Salary.com as reported at Inc.com on January 30, 2007.
Salary.com’s latest small business survey reveals that despite a perceived gap in pay at small businesses other factors like work/life balance mean workers want to remain working at smaller companies.
Employees said there were several reasons they remained at small businesses, other than compensation. Forty-six percent said it was because of better work/life balance, 38 percent said it was the commute and 34 percent noted loyalty as a reason.
Benefits and opportunities for advancement, in addition to pay, were cited as advantages of working for large companies. Other advantages included a better commute, loyalty, a good boss, and positive relationships with co-workers, survey respondents said.
At the same time, some three-quarters according to the survey results.
Reclaiming Energy
I’ve mentioned the other two things you can do to create more life balance in my past BLOGs. I wrote about gaining self awareness and making choices based on knowing who you are and what you want. This third thing is just as simple. It doesn’t require you to trek off into a distant land, search for some big guru somewhere, or take any more time out of your already Super Busy life!
The more you become aware and the more you make choices based on your awareness of your self, the more energy and power you naturally create and experience in your life. It’s that simple!
You can reclaim your energy when you start making decisions based on what’s really most important to you in your life. I said it was simple, but I didn’t say it was easy. Making choices often requires sacrifice or commitment. It also requires dedication to making things work.
When I left my career in the corporate world 10 years ago I made a very tough choice. I knew at that time that I really wanted to be the primary person raising my two kids. I chose to leave a job with high earnings and some potential. I chose to take a risk. My husband and I chose to simplify our life, especially our spending, so that we could make things work. It wasn’t easy. Fact is, it was very scary, especially at first when I signed the paper for my voluntary package. I didn’t have a plan, I just knew in my heart that the opportunity to leave happened for a reason and I felt compelled to make the choice to take in and see where the road would leave me.
I’m glad I made that choice back then. It created the change that energized me to use my strengths and passions to start my business. I don’t think I would have otherwise chosen to be a coach, a speaker, or a writer but I am so glad I did!
Making the right choices for you and for your life can energize you, too! Coaching can help and I’d love to be your coach to help you discover your self, make choices, and bring new energy and power into your life. Let me know when you’re ready!
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
The Power of Choice
So many people limit their choices because they feel they have none. They are stuck by “golden handcuffs” (high salary, benefits, stock options, etc.) that keep them in a position they are very unsatisfied with. I believe people always have choices but that every choice comes with consequences, both good and bad. Sometimes it’s the consequences that we fear that keep us stuck, but we do have choices!
One of my former clients, Barbara, felt slightly dissatisfied with her career opportunities at her job. At about the same time, she was getting calls from headhunters about other possibilities. She didn’t consider any of them because she had a number of years vested in her current company. As we talked about her situation, she decided that there was no harm in exploring her options. So, she spoke with a potential employer and decided to interview with them. She flew from North Carolina to Dallas to meet with the other company. She found that they were willing to offer her more money and career growth than what she had. As she reviewed the offer and evaluated it, we discussed her options and concerns. We found that although it seemed like a lucrative offer, relocating her family and starting over wasn’t something she really wanted to do….not even for the large sum of money they were offering to her.
Barbara chose to stay with her employer, but after the experience and gaining more self awareness about what was really important to her, she chose to meet with her management to propose changes in her job. They accepted her proposal and she was glad she chose to stay…even 7 years later when I touched base with her to see how she was doing!
We all have the power of choice in our own lives. When we don’t make choices, we’re not really in control of our own life.
We can choose to release what drains us and embrace what nourishes us. Realizing your life is the consequences of your choices becomes very empowering. If what you’re doing isn’t working for you, choose to change it!
Coach Natalie can help you make choices by being a sounding board and helping you explore your possiblities, brainstorming options, and empowering you to take control of your life.
Want to explore your options….take this assessment and see if you’re ready for coaching!
Here’s to you and the choices you make in your life!!
Yours truly,
Coach Natalie
Gaining Self Awareness
Gaining awareness is an important key to living a full and balanced life.
Self awareness includes knowing what’s important to you, what brings you stress, and what you enjoy. Knowing your values, needs, preferences, strengths, limitations, beliefs, habits, and priorities will help you make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and boost your satisfaction, performance and effectiveness. Self awareness is the first step toward maximizing your skills, leveraging your strengths, and boosting your performance so that you can really “have it all”.
You can deepen your self awareness through deeper listening. Begin noticing what throws you off balance and what brings you calm and fulfillment. Awareness is about being mindful, present in your life. Listen to your inner voice, to the people around you who care about you, and listen to your environment. When many things ‘break down’ around you, something probably isn’t working right. Notice what you’re attracting in your life.
I had a client, I’ll call her Dawn. She was attractive, intelligent, and a successful business sales executive at 46 years old. She was the mother of 3. When I asked her how long she’s felt out of balance, she replied, “just recently, maybe a month or so”. After we talked a bit longer, I found that 3 years earlier she divorced her husband after he abused her. The situation was so bad, that he ended up in jail. She immersed herself in her work, had few friends, drank diet soda for lunch, didn’t exercise, rarely slept.
Dawn had stopped listening to her life that was whirling out-of-control because it seemed easier to micro-focus on her work. She didn’t deal with her emotions because it was too hard. When work began failing, she called me. Once Dawn started listening to her life, she redefined success on her own terms, began trusting more, and delegating at work and home. She was reclaiming a sense of balance, energy and fulfillment.
Once Dawn began listening to her inner voice she made changes to her life and began living from the inside out. Self awareness is essential to living a balanced and fulfilling life! Both my workbook, and my coaching can help you gain self awareness. Althoug this is something you can certainly do on your own, have a partner who is unbiased objective and can hold things confidential, can help accelerate the process or bring it deeper.
I love being a resource for people who are exploring who they are and getting to know themselves newly. Let me know how I can help you!
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Defining “Having it all”
Ok, I posted a message about “having it all’ and it prompted a question, what does that really mean?
Having it all may mean different things to different people. If you want to “have it all”, begin by defining what that really means to you and not what you think it should mean. Once you know what you want, you can take steps to consciously create it by adapting, adjusting and recalibrating similarly to what I’ve done in my life and helped many of my clients do, too.
I feel I have everything I want in my life–not in equal quantities but in satisfactory levels. This helps me live a rewarding and balanced life. I have meaningful work through my business; warm and rich relationships with my husband, children and our families; strong friendships and professional relationships; a great home and community; regular exercise routine; a connection with God; a spiritual community; comfortable financial situation; personal growth and development opportunities and more…so much more! I have a sense that I make a difference and that’s really important to me. I know my priorities and my values and I live my life based on them.
When I suddenly begin feeling overstressed, can’t find things, get short with my loved ones, then I know it’s time to take a break and recalibrate. It’s also time to communicate more so that the people around me who love me most, can help me be at my best. When my environment tells me that something isn’t working, I listen.
For instance, when I am pushing very hard to finish a project, sometimes my high expectations and perfectionism get in the way and cause me to spend every possible minute working on it and perfecting it. I might neglect my need to eat a well balanced meal, might sacrifice sleep, or like I mentioned above, I might lose my patience easily with those around me. I might feel a tenseness in my neck, a knot in my stomach, a headache or an anxiety that doesn’t want to go away. Whereas, I used to push even harder, now I take a break. Perhaps, I might call a friend, send an email, go for a walk, or play with the dog. I might even invite the kids to do something fun with me or snuggle with my husband.
I choose the organizations I want to participate in and don’t volunteer for everything that comes my way. I was invited to be on the Board for the newest organization I joined but respectfully turned it down because I knew I had enough on my plate. Saying “no” even to those real tempting offers makes a big difference. Realize that if you say “Yes” to something, you may have to say “no” to something else because there’s only so much time in a day. When you take on too much, quality suffers and things begin slipping through the cracks, or worse, your health or relationships suffer.
If you really want to have it all, there are 3 simple things you can do:
1. Gain more awareness
2. Make more powerful choices
3. Add more energy
I’ll Blog about each one separately so I can keep these brief.
Yours,
Coach Natalie
Having it “all”
This past week I’ve been interviewed for a newspaper article, a magazine article and contacted by someone from Oprah’s office who called to ‘pick my brain’ for a show they’re preparing. Many of the questions were similar although their objectives and prospective audiences were different.
What this says to me is that people are interested in finding out how I’ve created my own life balance and if it’s possible to really “have it all”. I feel that I do have it all. Through trial and error, listening to my body and my environment, and giving my decisions in my life thought, adjustments, and recalibrating when necessary, I’ve been able to create a dynamic life balance. My clients and research have also been instrumental in helping me maintain a balanced life and a positive perspective.
My clients come to me for help minimizing stress, managing their time, building skills and confidence, strengthening relationships, setting goals and achieving them. These issues are often symptoms of an unbalanced life. As my clients work with me they get more clarity and are better able to make decisions in their life to help them “have it all”, too. Clients who create a more balanced life also create more personal and professional effectiveness, productivity and efficiency
Want more balance in your life….call Coach Natalie for a complimentary coaching session to explore if coaching can help you get it.
To you…with balance and success!
Yours,
Coach Natalie
