I once heard a motivational speaker define fear as “false evidence appearing real”. Unfortunately, I don’t recall who to credit but I’ve remembered these words and repeated them to clients who were stuck.

Fear may show up in many forms.  Petra (name changed) was so afraid of how success would change her life that she continually sabotaged her chances of success. She wasn’t consciously aware that she was doing this. She thought she was taking the steps to build her business, yet she wasn’t reaching out for new business or following up consistently with former clients. 

When we began to explore how fear was showing up in her life, Petra realized that although there were several fears in her life, the biggest one was that she feared success.  She labeled that fear and defined it as being afraid that her life would change; that she wouldn’t be the same person.  (There were a number of limiting beliefs we uncovered that we worked through separately—I’ll write more about beliefs in a future blog!!)

Petra worked hard to disclose the origin of her fear and discovered that her uncle that she highly admired had distanced himself from the family when he became successful. He ultimately died a sick and lonely man. He was a workaholic who drowned himself in work; the resulting stress led to a severe heart attack at just 54 years old!  Therefore, Petra feared that success would kill her too! She was afraid that having a successful business would mean she’d have no time for her family or friends. She feared being divorced, in poor health, with no friends or family who cared about her because she spent no time with them.

After realizing the origin of her fears and reevaluating them, Petra was ready to reframe her fear. She looked at her fears as an opportunity to build her business differently and a way to consciously stay connected with those she loved.  She took responsibility for creating her success in the way it was important to her. Today, I’m happy to say that Petra lives a well balanced life with a successful business and happy family life.

For valuable tips and strategies to help face and fight your fears, visit my Full Plate Blog at MyPath.com.  (http://connect.mypath.com/mypath/blogs/full-plate/2010/08/20/tips-and-strategies-to-face-your-fears)

The air died Wednesday night in the middle of the night. We woke up sweating profusely. After cold showers and an elevator ride downstairs to the lobby, we learned about the problem. However, the girls needed to be dressed with their makeup on ready for pictures and performances, so we adapted. Unfortunately, the hall where they were having the competition didn’t have air either. There was a nice breeze outside on the boardwalk coming off the ocean though.

The producers of the competition, STARBOUND, moved the final showcase to another hotel that had air conditioning. They had a fundraising banquet at yet a different hotel. They adapted to the situation and focused on helping the kids perform at their best while keeping the parents comfortable.

Yes, we were all hot and uncomfortable all day Thursday. It got so bad that our hotel closed on Friday and wasn’t planning on re-opening until Sunday. We checked out by noon on Friday and decided to drive home late Friday night after the final showcase. Again, we adapted! We negotiated with the hotel manager and the hotel comp’d us for both nights we stayed (not paying for our room, did make it somewhat better for what we endured!)

The dance team performed at their best. We won 1st place in large production, 2nd place in Junior groups and had several other noteworthy accomplishments with our soloists, duets and Senior groups. (I lost track of all the awards!!)  Although the girls got less sleep and had to tolerate no air on Thursday, they adapted, and did what they had to do. They brought so much energy, enthusiasm and passion to their performance!

My sincere congratulations goes out to all the dancers, the teachers, parents and our owner (Tom). They rocked the stage and we’re all very proud of their accomplishments in Atlantic City!

How many times in your life have you adapted? How has flexibility helped you? How were you able to negotiate so that you made the best out of a situation and felt better about the final outcome?

 How can you turn a negative experience around and make in positive?

With employee satisfaction at a low, as job creation begins, many will seek other opportunities. There may be a mass exodus!

As some companies take this opportunity to review their workplace culture and how to recognize employee contributions, they are challenged to do it on a budget.  Restoring pay and benefits may prove difficult. Therefore, they’ll have to seek out other ways to keep employees engaged.  Demonstrating respect, acknowledging contributions and keeping an open line of communication are critical at this juncture. Offering low or no cost benefits such as flexibility and telecommuting is also important.  Incentive-laden compensation packages that recognize high levels of productivity or customer satisfaction will incent employees to contribute their best, too.

Employers are now in the engagement era. As the economy improves, companies will continue to look for ways to boost employee satisfaction. Bosses need to step up to keep workers happy on a limited budget! And, employees need to realize that they are not indispensible. With an abundance of discontented employees and the unemployed, employees not performing effectively or exhibiting morale issues, could more easily be replaced. 

Do you enjoy your work? Do you have a career strategy?

Working with The Priority Pro as your career coach can help you gain clarity, focus and direction. Imagine knowing your skills and developmental areas; utilizing your transferable skills to help land a new job; enhancing your leadership skills; establishing a career direction in 90 days!  Contact us to discuss your needs and schedule an introductory coaching session. This month it’s just $49.95!!

Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!

The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard.  The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!

Don’t allow it!  Contact The Priority Pro for help stepping into your greatness!  Be as bright and capable as others already believe you are!

As each new season comes and goes, many of my clients use it as a time for self-reflection and renewal. They check-in with their goals to see if they are on track. They commit to achieving new goals for the second half of the year.

•  Are you on track with your goals?
• What are your priorities this summer?
• How will you be sure to stay focused on achieving what’s most important?
• What obstacles may prevent you from achieving what you what you want to?
• How can you plan on avoiding them?
• What will you do to gain some enjoyment from this more relaxed time of the year?

As a professionally trained and internationally certified coach, I work with business leaders to help insure their personal and professional success.  I offer training, keynote presentations, and seminars to support each individual and the organization as a whole to achieve your goals. Contact me to discuss your needs!

This isn’t about the basic time management skills or stress management 101.  Take those principles you’ve learned like, (Covey’s) four quadrants, (Morgenstern’s) categorizing using the A, B, C’s for your task priorities, (Allen’s) integrated system of stress-free productivity and put them to the reality test.

What happens?

Unfortunately, many of these outstanding systems don’t work. Not because they’re not effective systems, but because people don’t fully implement them. Then, they give us and resort to their old ways, sometimes thinking that their situation is hopeless.

For instance, you start your day with a list or framework of what you are going to accomplish. You know what’s most important, you know what decisions need to be made but then, unfortunately, reality hits the road—

…the phone rings endlessly, the system goes down, your boss has a crisis that needs your immediate attention, you have some irate customers, a colleague plants themselves in the corner chair in your office to talk about her personal issues, you get an urgent message from the school that one of your kids has gotten hurt, etc.

The problem isn’t about managing time; it’s about managing all these interruptions. These distract you from accomplishing what you set out to do each day and if you don’t re-prioritize on a dime, ask questions to clarify importance and timeline, focus on what’s most important, delegate, be flexible (to a point), block out distractions, and say “no” when appropriate you may increase your stress, decrease your productivity and feel dissatisfied in what you’re able to accomplish on any given day.

Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!

The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard.  The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!

If you’re one of the many, here are some more effective strategies: 

• Be aware of the phenomenon.
• Make a list of the situations in which the feelings are likely to strike.
• Take an objective inventory of your accomplishments and skills.
• Stop being such a perfectionist! Allow yourself to make some mistakes and learn from them.
• Keep track of praise and compliments you receive; accept it the external validation!
• Disown your failures and stop blaming yourself for setbacks that are out of your control.
• Talk to others you admire about their worries about their own achievements.
• Set a modest goal for confronting this fear and think up a couple of steps you can take in the next month toward reaching it.
• Break frightening tasks into several parts. If possible, start with the easiest part.
• Separate feelings from reality.
• Gain experience, education, and training.
• Develop relationships with mentors. 
• Be selective about the drive to prove yourself.  Do a great job when it matters most. Don’t persevere over routine tasks.
• Ask for and allow help from others
• Recognize that everyone who does something new, takes risks, or stretches outside their comfort zone feels off-base at the beginning
• Stop expecting to know everything

For more information about the Imposter Syndrome, visit:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200907/the-imposter-syndrome

http://www.forbes.com/2010/02/22/imposter-syndrome-professional-fraud-forbes-woman-leadership-psychology.html

http://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/the-impostor-syndrome-when-fear-blocks-success.html

To take the quiz to see if you’re suffering from the Imposter Syndrome, click here:  http://impostorsyndrome.com/quiz.htm

The first and probably most important point is that examining the problem in-depth rarely works because instead of focusing on solutions, you’re caught analyzing or dissecting the problem. Once you clearly identify the problem, increase your ability to make wise decisions by flipping over that obstacle to see what opportunities are available beyond it. If you remain caught up in looking at the problem, it will expand in your reality and you won’t be able to reach your goals. You’ll become either a victim who complains about the problem but doesn’t take any concrete steps to change the situation, or a quitter who gives up on the original goal and chooses a different path to pursue.

So, as you come across obstacles along the path to your goals, reflect on the hidden meaning of what it may be trying to tell you.  Often, hidden within the pain of your problem are the seeds of what you really want. Clearly define what you’re hoping to achieve; redefine your goal. Be aware of the “buts” and flip them into “ands”.

Several years ago I had the fortuitous experience to work with some masterful coaches at a coach training school. I learned the technique of “flipping” my but and I’ve used it successfully myself, with audiences and with individual coaching clients. For example, if your goal is to get a new car BUT you can’t afford it, and you flip the “but” to an “AND” you’d be saying something like, “I want a new care AND I want to be able to easily afford the payments”.  The sentence started with your goal to get a new car but ended abruptly at the BUT. It’s set up a conflict that cannot be resolved as long as the two things are seen as mutually exclusive.

Here’s another example…”I want to make more money, BUT I don’t want to work 60-80 hours a week”.  If you flip the second half of this statement and combine it with the goal in the first part, you’ll end up with a powerful new goal such as, “I want to make more money AND work just 40 hours a week”.  When you do this, you stop negating your goals, and start creating exactly what you want.

Do this exercise with one of your current goals. Fill in the blanks as indicated:

I want _____________________________________  BUT _______________________.

                     (your goal)                                                              (the obstacle)

Then, turn the “but” into an “and” below:

I want ______________________________________ AND ______________________.

                     (your goal)                                                                 (your goal)

Once you’ve stated your new more powerful goal, start asking yourself questions like, “How can I get a great new car with payments I can afford?” or “How can I increase my salary while working while working less and earning more?”  Keep asking these questions and other empowering questions so that you can engage both your conscious and your subconscious minds working towards finding solutions for you. This simple process of flipping the but works similarly when you have conflicting priorities. For example, “I want to attend the professional association meeting this evening but I promised my son that I’d attend his track meet”.  When flipping the “but” to an “and”, I searched for an alternative or a solution that would allow me to do both and as a result I planned on dialing into the meeting and listening to the speaker while I watched my son run track.

Often when clients get this far in the process of achieving their goals, they let fear immobilize them. However, now that you’ve developed some empowering questions to move you toward your goal, the key is to get into action. Action is the perfect antidote for fear. As you take steps towards your goal, you can keep using this process as the evil “BUT” monster shows up. The fear of change, even positive change, can keep you stuck or push you back into victim or quitter mode. Feeling like you are stuck, or have no alternatives, dis-empowers you to achieve your goals.

Determine your goal and what’s stopping you so that you can flip that “BUT” to an “AND” and move yourself through empowering questions into deliberate action toward achieving your goals. If you feel you can’t do it alone, contact me at  natalie@theprioritypro.com or call 908-281-7098 and I’ll be happy to explore how working with me as your coach can help you achieve your desired goals. With over a decade of experience and tangible results, let me help you attain your goals!

Guilt…it’s all around us! Wherever I go, I hear someone complaining about “feeling guilty”.   For some reason though, this seems to be more widespread with women than with men. Women are guilty for not spending enough time with their children, their girlfriends, their spouse or their extended families, neighbors, and community; their guilty for not providing healthy meals; their guilty for how they look, what they eat, what they do or don’t do; they’re guilty for not exercising; they’re guilty for spending too much; and so much more!

What are we doing to ourselves??

Why are we trying to be everything to everyone…setting unrealistic expectations…and then beating ourselves up for not meeting these standards?

Interestingly, in an article in the June/July issue of Working Mother magazine, they reveal results of a poll they conducted. They found that 57% of respondents feel guilty every day, while 31% feel guilty at least once a week.  That’s a lot of guilt!

I used to carry a lot of guilt with me. Fortunately, throughout the years of working with others to help them be more focused and aligned with their top priorities, making a lot of my own mistakes, and maturing enough to be confident about who I am, I’ve been able to make more conscious decisions and feel less guilty. I’ve also learned more healthy strategies such as working out, keeping things in perspective, and simply getting over it. Sometimes, journaling, talking with my coach or a friend I can confide in will also help me through those negative feelings.

If you get caught up in the negative cycle of thoughts commonly associated with guilt, it can be very destructive.

So, I’m really curious, how do you cope with guilt? What causes you guilt? And, to help all of us realize that we’re not alone, what’s your guilt confession? (Tell me yours…and I’ll tell you mine!)

Please comment below! And, if you want to learn more techniques for handling your guilt, visit my site for a free article about the Top Guilt Busters or contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com to arrange an introductory coaching session. I’ll also be blogging about guilt