Too much on Your Plate?
I just finished a 3 part series of my Lunch-and-Learn programs for Daiichi Sankyo. The first program was about Mastering Work-Life Challenges. The second program was about Taming Stress in your Life and the final program, which was yesterday, was my signature program, “There’s too much on my Plate”. The feedback was great and individuals really gained a lot of skills and strategies they can use in their own life.
What stood out for participants was my energy and enthusiasm throughout these programs. I truly enjoy what I do and am thrilled to have the opportunity to make a significant difference in people’s lives.
Participants found the A.I.M. process to be very important and useful. They enoyed having a framework to help them recognize their priorities. They liked my real life practical examples.
This program has been adapted to meet the needs of various types of audiences as well as different lengths of time. If your company or an organization your involved with could benefit from tips to help manage all this busyness, contact me!
It’s not JUST ABOUT Work-Life Balance
I have studied work-life balance for well over a decade and conclude that the key reason why there’s still a gap for employers, business owners, and employees despite millions being spent in programs is because these opportunities are mostly all externally-focused. Thus, work-life balance as we’ve known for years has been primarily focused on programs, services, benefits, and the like while neglecting that true balance is internally-driven. The symptoms often associated with unbalance include overwhelm, burnout, stress and other mental, physiological and emotional issues. Yet the programs, although helpful, don’t fully address the problem.
Balance is derived from a sense of harmony, peace and alignment. One who works 90 hours a week could actually be more balanced than someone who doesn’t even work at all. Balance is about knowing what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and feeling that sense of control over your life. When you’ve usurped power of your life to someone or something, it’s that powerlessness that causes feeling of imbalance.
Some of the more popular programs including childcare, elder care, concierge services, health and wellness benefits, flextime, telecommuting, and job share help ease the burden of working long hours while managing a life outside work. They also allow for working longer hours. Yet true work-life balance is about being aligned, making the right choices for you.
My studies have revealed that it’s not just about work-life balance, time management, stress management, or increasing productivity but all these things combined to help each individual overcome what I call Obsessive Distraction Disorder (or O.D.D. for short!). Distractions increase when you’re not aligned with what’s most important to you! By targeting what matters most, decisions are based on top priorities—what’s most important to you!
The typical work-life program offerings help create more time and sanity. However, time spent unwisely is still time lost; time that can never be recaptured! Unlike other resources, time is not a renewable resource. Therefore, it’s highly important to recognize what’s most important in all aspects of your life and realign around those things. Be crystal clear about your values, integrity, needs, purpose and priorities.
Remember the old adage…it’s not about working harder, but working smarter. In this case, think more broadly, work is a part of your life that serves a specific purpose, so LIVE SMARTER, not harder! Make wise choices aligned with what matters most to you!
Receive Love
Mothers Day is a day for recognizing and appreciating our moms. This year, I feel fortunate that one of my colleagues, Renee Trudeau, provided me with her book, “The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal” as a gift I could forward to the subscribers to my e-newsletter. I received a couple notes from readers expressing their gratitude.
The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal is written as a reminder to the importance of self-care. My testimonial, “…it is a powerful and life-shifting book for every mom who continuously falls to the bottom of her ‘to-do’ list and forgets about the things that make her happy and feel her best. This practical and life-affirming resource empowers moms to reflect, renew and rejuvenate.” Although the offer for the free download has expired, the book is still available through major bookstores and online.
This past weekend, I did celebrate Mother’s day and surrounded myself with a nurturing and loving environment. After taking my mom out to lunch on Saturday afternoon with my two children, I brought my daughter and two friends to her dance competition and enjoyed watching the performances and skillful dancers. I also enjoyed connecting with other moms! Unfortunately, it was a late night! We got home after midnight.
After a restless night sleep due to over-exhaustion, I awoke to the sounds of my son hobbling through the kitchen on his crutches as he prepared breakfast for me. As I listened, a smile filled my heart! My son set his alarm clock so that he could awaken before me to prepare my favorite breakfast. How wonderful!! It tasted so good!
My daughter and her friend awakened late in the morning and washed my car after they helped themselves to breakfast. Again, a wonderful moment to accept love and be ever so grateful! I relaxed all day,and even took a nap. What a superb way of nurturing myself while my children expressed their love to me.
My husband made me my favorite dinner and cleaned up the entire mess afterwards.
For my Mother’s Day, I slowed down, relaxed, and gave myself permission to absorb the love around me. Hope you did something special as well!
Overcoming Perfectionism Paralysis
Paula Eder, PhD, The Time Finder Expert has a free ezine with her unique approach to finding time. In the 4/23 issue she explored tips for overcoming the insidious paralysis of perfectionism. She introduces action-oriented suggestions throughout her ezine which you can apply right away.
1. Perfectionism is a learned attribute that you can unlearn. You were not born a perfectionist. You learned perfectionistic behavior from others, and you can unlearn it now. Next time you hear your perfectionist voice, identify the original source, if you can. Was it from your family constellation or from how you saw people outside your family react to you? Or was it based on someone you modeled yourself after? Envision these perfectionist messages in a heavy sack of expectations you received, which you can now set down and leave behind.
2. When perfectionism leads to procrastination, replace it with a “better than perfect” goal. Inevitably, perfectionism will prevent you from attempting something, because you fear not doing it well enough. Remember, it is your own standards that are unrealistically lofty. If you feel stuck in a project, try replacing skyhigh expectations with a productive stretch, and then identify your next action step.
3. Release the shackles of perfectionism by naming the fear that serves as the lock. Tyrannical perfectionism both springs from and generates destructive fears. Identify the specific concerns that constrict you. Do you fear failure, or are you apprehensive about what will happen if you do succeed? The level of control that perfectionism promises is illusory. See if you can identify the illusions and replace them with realistic alternatives.
4. You needn’t victimize yourself with your own success. Once you have succeeded at a task, you may feel you have to meet ever-higher standards. This is sometimes referred to as “raising the bar syndrome”. Each effort leads only to demands for greater effort, until eventually you encounter the impossible challenge and inevitable defeat. Affirm that you remain fully in charge of your time and your goals, even as you move to a higher level of effectiveness.
5. Make friends with your mistakes. Perfectionists often judge mistakes as bad. In reality, mistakes present a valuable avenue for evolution. If you don’t risk enough to make these mistakes, how do you ever learn? Allow yourself the freedom to engage wholeheartedly,and enjoy the thrill of discovery!
Finally, recognize that your perfectionism is part of a deeply personal story that you are now free to rewrite. It derives ALL of its power from the meaning that you ascribe it. The more effectively you strip the symbolic importance from “perfection”,the less power perfectionism will have over you. To expose your perfectionism’s false promises, complete these sentences.
1. Doing something perfectly means I am _______________________.
2. When I don’t do something perfectly, then __________________.
3. The burden of perfectionism is _____________________________.
Exercise for overcoming perfectionism:
1. List 2 things you can do right now to reduce yourperfectionism. _____________________________ ____________________________
2. Describe how your life will change if you reduce your perfectionism. What will be the gains?
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(c) Copyright 2006-2009 Paula Eder, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
“Material used with permission from Paula Eder, Ph.D., who develops customized, practical guides to help individuals and organizations find time to achieve personal, professional,and academic goals, and achieve career success. Register for her free, Award-Winning E-Zine at http://www.findingtime.net
Young Mother of the Year
After reading the article and hearing the news about the Hardest working moms, I was a bit disappointed that the measurement was mostly based on earnings. So, when I read news of the Young Mother of the Year Award, I was happy to see that more real mothers are also getting recognized. These moms are 18 or younger…still children themselves yet they’re raising children, often with limited resources and support. Perhaps, they are the true heroes?
I don’t personally encourage young motherhood. It takes a lot of maturity and responsibility to care for oneself, let alone another human being that relies so heavily on you!
However, I do want to acknowledge American Mothers Incorporated for recognizing the challenges faced by mothers trying to balance a career and children. Each year they select a representative from each state as the Young Mother-of-the-Year. This award honors dedicated, outstanding mothers who are still raising their children that are 18 years old or younger.
This year North Dakota‘s Young Mother of the Year is KX News weekend anchor Jen Dame.
Defraying Stress
The Top
By Natalie Gahrmann, The Priority Pro
Between work demands, caring for your children, and seeing to everyday matters and responsibilities there is little time left to take care of yourself. So, many working parents put off time for their own needs and desires. However, you are a key influence on your child’s development, so the amount of stress you are experiencing in your work, family and personal life has a direct impact on them. Here’s some tips to help defray the stress and help you consciously take better care of yourself.
1. Breathe deeply
Bring in the air through your nose, deep down into your belly and out through your mouth in a slow relaxed fashion at least two-three times to help re-focus, re-center and relax.
2. Take in Relaxing Smells
Aromatherapy oils, herbal teas or scented candles are all relaxing to the olfactory system.
3. DAYDREAM, MEDITATE AND CONNECT WITH NATURE
Visit places and experience them newly. Or, give your mind a mental break by simply imagining you are somewhere else and creating a visual image and experience in your mind of being there. Either way, fully connect with your surroundings by noticing sounds, smells and textures. Relax your spirit and body using soothing music and warm lights.
4. Avoid Overextending Yourself
Stop saying “yes” too often to requests of your time, money, energy or other resources. Say “no” to things and people as a way of honoring you. Allow yourself a chance to think about the request before acepting the invitation. Bow out later if the commitment is contributing too greatly to your stress.
5. Eat Healthy Foods
Eat foods and drink beverages that nourish your body and soul.
6. Participate in a hobby or sport
Create an outlet for relaxation that you truly enjoy doing. Use your creativity to write, sculpt, knit, paint, etc. Use physical activities or daily exercise rituals to help “blow off” steam both physically and mentally.
7. lighten up
Smile, laugh and just be friendly to others. Friendliness goes far and helps you feel good about yourself. Humor lightens up tension. Notice how laughter is contagious, too. People are more naturally attracted to people who seem happy, positive, enthusiastic, and excited about life. Stop taking things so seriously all the time and lighten up a bit.
8. Enlist help from others
Learn to ask for and accept help (even when things are not done to your high standard level!) You will gain by delegating and allowing others to help, even when things don’t turn out exactly as they would have if you completed the task yourself. Allow yourself to be nurtured by your friends and family.
9. Spend Quality Time with Your Children
Have fun and interact with your children. Be fully present with them. Truly listen to what they have to say and connect on a deeper level.
10. Get Romantic
Stimulate your body’s release of endorphins by reading a romance novel, or better yet, curl up with your spouse/significant other or make love.
Making Time for What Matters Most
Unexpected emergencies are normally crises that can happen at any time. They arise often seemingly from out of nowhere. Once they are there, you are more or less forced to take time for something or someone that you had not planned.
Quite unconsciously, or perhaps even consciously, you decide that the emergency takes precedence over everything else at the moment, because the person or thing that emerged is more important to you than anything else on your plate at this moment.
Emergencies, such as this, can serve to help you put everything in your life back in perspective rather quickly. When a health emergency arises, either yours or someone else’s, you immediately realize the importance of good health, wellness visits, and preventative care. Your perspective may shift to the importance of health, knowing that if you do not have your health, you may not have a productive or long life. Then, health becomes one of your top priorities.
When the emergency pertains to a relationship that is important to you, you recognize that the people you love and connections in your life, make your life worthwhile, so you take time out to take care of and nurture your relationships.
Making time for what matters most need not be relegated to emergencies. Imagine making time for your health, relationships and everything else that is vitally important to you, before an emergency strikes. Imagine taking excellent care of your physical body, your soul and those you love without being “forced” into it. Imagine sharing time, having real conversations, and being committed to understanding your loved ones or co-workers now – not just when emotions run high and things get a bit hairy or out of control.
Do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor and avoid an emergency by making time out of thin air today for what, and who, matters most to you. I am quite sure you will not regret this decision!
Re-Group when things are Chaotic
Lately I have felt like I’ve had more on my plate than usual. Working on a presentation for an entrepreneurial group, editing my audio book, revising my website, re-branding my company, serving present clients, contacting potential clients, writing my e-newsletter, writing some new articles, taking training for my own professional development and getting certified in a new tool I can administer for my clients, and so much more. Whew! No wonder why I feel so busy!
Several indicators tell me when it is time to re-group. First, I began feeling overwhelmed. Second, I was losing or mis-placing things. Third, I felt this incredible sense of not accomplishing anything. And, fourth, and likely the most important, my family noticed.
My husband recognized that I was always busy going to meetings, on the phone, on the computer but not connecting with him in our usual way. My daughter told me that she thought my work was more important than she was (ouch!) and my son got into some trouble. My exercise fell halfway off the schedule. Fortunately, I was working out 7 days a week doing running or walking for 10-15 miles weekly and a strength training video 2-3 days. Cutting out some of my exercise tended to make me de-energized and I ate more unhealthy foods.
When things start feeling chaotic, they probably are. So, before they get even further out of control. Take a break! Re-group and realign with what is most important to you, to your professional goals, and to your family. Make conscious choices and postpone, defer, delegate or remove some of the activities keeping you busy. Decide if you really need to be as busy as you are because if you’re busy doing the wrong things it really will not drive the results you are after.
Begin working smarter! It is not enough to get things done and check them off your list; you really need to be getting the right things done for that sense of accomplishment and improved results.
Are You Hungry?
Often when I am working with a client 1-1, we work on identifying their needs. Sometimes because of the nature of needs being something we crave deeply, especially when they are not being met, I refer to them as (emotional) hungers.
A number of years ago when I was teaching at the Coach Certification Institute (an organization which unfortunately no longer exists!), we helped others learn about the importance of hungers and the impact they have on our lives. They were referred to as hungers because they are propelled by a very strong instinctual drive; they operate with an almost primitive intensity and compel us to feed them at all costs, even if what we feed them is not the best nourishment for us. For example, a person who has an unmet need for attention, will do almost anything in order to feed that emotional hunger, similarly to when you come home after working all day but not eating a thing and reaching for whatever is handy to immediately meet that need.
Unmet hungers are dangerous because when they are not recognized and nourished appropriately, they can easily direct all of your available energy and attention towards getting the hunger fed, even if you do not realize it is happening! Hungers can totally distract you from the things you value and the life you truly want to lead. When someones actions are not aligned with what they say they want, there is a huge chance that there is an unfed or mis-fed hunger is operating in their life.
It is important to realize that you may need an outside observer to help you identify which hungers drive you. As a professional coach, I have a variety of tools and resources at my disposal to help my clients first identify and then work to resolve existing hungers. Once hungers are identified, the next important step is to find consistent and nourishing ways to feed them. When your hungers are well fed, you are released from their compulsion.
Stay tuned for more about needs and hungers in the weeks ahead in this Blog and in my free weekly e-newsletter. You can subscribe at http://www.nrgcoaching.com/ or by clicking here.
Create Systems to Simplify Overload
- frequently doing things at the last minute;
- wasting time looking for things;
- forgetting how things were previously done;
- ever feeling overwhelmed or disorganized.
Then, creating systems will help you increase your personal and professional success. Systems provide a foundation that helps you have a regular method or order of doing things. This alone can save an incredible about of time and energy!
An example of a system is your bill paying system. I write the due date on the outside of the envelope of each bill as it arrives and then put them in a organizer in sequential order by my kitchen phone. Twice per month, I go through these and process bill payment. To be sure I don’t forget to record bills set-up on an auto-pay cycle, I write them in my checkbook at the beginning of each month. Others use similar systems that are automated but I’ve found this system works well for me! Design and follow a system that works for you for each process you have, especially those that recur monthly.
To ease the burden of losing things, have a place for everything and consistently return items to their rightful place.
To save yourself from forgetting things, write them down. Keep organized lists of the things you want to be sure to remember and easily recall. Getting things out of your mind helps to keep your mind clear. The key here is to be diligent and consistent rather than writing things on scrap papers, back of the napkin, or other quick places to jot things down. If you have a smart phone, you can leave yourself notes here. If not, carrying a small notebook where all of your reminders are placed, might also prove helpful.
The good news is that anything you do on a regular basis can be turned into a system that will save loads of time!! Begin by just writing down the areas where you can systematize. Next, pick one area to start with and then implement more as time allows. You will be amazed at how much more flow and focus you will have in your day.
