Flip your BUT
Most of us encounter obstacles on the road to achieving our goals. Through several experiences of working with my coaching clients and continuous learning opportunities, I have learned to turn these obstacles into stepping stones. If you’d like to learn how to turn problems and challenges into progress too, read on!
The first and probably most important point is that examining the problem in-depth rarely works because instead of focusing on solutions, you’re caught analyzing or dissecting the problem. Once you clearly identify the problem, increase your ability to make wise decisions by flipping over that obstacle to see what opportunities are available beyond it. If you remain caught up in looking at the problem, it will expand in your reality and you won’t be able to reach your goals. You’ll become either a victim who complains about the problem but doesn’t take any concrete steps to change the situation, or a quitter who gives up on the original goal and chooses a different path to pursue.
So, as you come across obstacles along the path to your goals, reflect on the hidden meaning of what it may be trying to tell you. Often, hidden within the pain of your problem are the seeds of what you really want. Clearly define what you’re hoping to achieve; redefine your goal. Be aware of the “buts” and flip them into “ands”.
Several years ago I had the fortuitous experience to work with some masterful coaches at a coach training school. I learned the technique of “flipping” my but and I’ve used it successfully myself, with audiences and with individual coaching clients. For example, if your goal is to get a new car BUT you can’t afford it, and you flip the “but” to an “AND” you’d be saying something like, “I want a new care AND I want to be able to easily afford the payments”. The sentence started with your goal to get a new car but ended abruptly at the BUT. It’s set up a conflict that cannot be resolved as long as the two things are seen as mutually exclusive.
Here’s another example…”I want to make more money, BUT I don’t want to work 60-80 hours a week”. If you flip the second half of this statement and combine it with the goal in the first part, you’ll end up with a powerful new goal such as, “I want to make more money AND work just 40 hours a week”. When you do this, you stop negating your goals, and start creating exactly what you want.
Do this exercise with one of your current goals. Fill in the blanks as indicated:
I want _____________________________________ BUT _______________________.
(your goal) (the obstacle)
Then, turn the “but” into an “and” below:
I want ______________________________________ AND ______________________.
(your goal) (your goal)
Once you’ve stated your new more powerful goal, start asking yourself questions like, “How can I get a great new car with payments I can afford?” or “How can I increase my salary while working while working less and earning more?” Keep asking these questions and other empowering questions so that you can engage both your conscious and your subconscious minds working towards finding solutions for you. This simple process of flipping the but works similarly when you have conflicting priorities. For example, “I want to attend the professional association meeting this evening but I promised my son that I’d attend his track meet”. When flipping the “but” to an “and”, I searched for an alternative or a solution that would allow me to do both and as a result I planned on dialing into the meeting and listening to the speaker while I watched my son run track.
Often when clients get this far in the process of achieving their goals, they let fear immobilize them. However, now that you’ve developed some empowering questions to move you toward your goal, the key is to get into action. Action is the perfect antidote for fear. As you take steps towards your goal, you can keep using this process as the evil “BUT” monster shows up. The fear of change, even positive change, can keep you stuck or push you back into victim or quitter mode. Feeling like you are stuck, or have no alternatives, dis-empowers you to achieve your goals.
Determine your goal and what’s stopping you so that you can flip that “BUT” to an “AND” and move yourself through empowering questions into deliberate action toward achieving your goals. If you feel you can’t do it alone, contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com or call 908-281-7098 and I’ll be happy to explore how working with me as your coach can help you achieve your desired goals. With over a decade of experience and tangible results, let me help you attain your goals!
Overcome Guilt
Is guilt getting the best of you???
Guilt…it’s all around us! Wherever I go, I hear someone complaining about “feeling guilty”. For some reason though, this seems to be more widespread with women than with men. Women are guilty for not spending enough time with their children, their girlfriends, their spouse or their extended families, neighbors, and community; their guilty for not providing healthy meals; their guilty for how they look, what they eat, what they do or don’t do; they’re guilty for not exercising; they’re guilty for spending too much; and so much more!
What are we doing to ourselves??
Why are we trying to be everything to everyone…setting unrealistic expectations…and then beating ourselves up for not meeting these standards?
Interestingly, in an article in the June/July issue of Working Mother magazine, they reveal results of a poll they conducted. They found that 57% of respondents feel guilty every day, while 31% feel guilty at least once a week. That’s a lot of guilt!
I used to carry a lot of guilt with me. Fortunately, throughout the years of working with others to help them be more focused and aligned with their top priorities, making a lot of my own mistakes, and maturing enough to be confident about who I am, I’ve been able to make more conscious decisions and feel less guilty. I’ve also learned more healthy strategies such as working out, keeping things in perspective, and simply getting over it. Sometimes, journaling, talking with my coach or a friend I can confide in will also help me through those negative feelings.
If you get caught up in the negative cycle of thoughts commonly associated with guilt, it can be very destructive.
So, I’m really curious, how do you cope with guilt? What causes you guilt? And, to help all of us realize that we’re not alone, what’s your guilt confession? (Tell me yours…and I’ll tell you mine!)
Please comment below! And, if you want to learn more techniques for handling your guilt, visit my site for a free article about the Top Guilt Busters or contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com to arrange an introductory coaching session. I’ll also be blogging about guilt
8 Days a Week…
As I was walking the dog yesterday in the cold rain, one of my old favorite songs came on my headset, “8 Days a Week”. As I reflected on the lyrics, I thought about preseverence, dedication and commitment.
Although Paul McCartney attributed the inspiration of this song to two different sources, Ringo Starr and later his chaufer, the song and it’s title recognized the feeling of overwork.
So, I began wondering even further. I wonder how many people ever really experienced unwavering dedication, commitment, persistence, or perseverence “8 days a week”. I wonder what it looks like when someone is at that 110%? I wonder if it’s healthy? I wonder if it’s something to strive for?
Then, I refocus on walking the dog and think, gee, “I’m walking the dog ’8 days a week’!” Through rain, snow, frigid temperatures and the heat of summer, I get out there at least once a day and walk my dog for at least 20 minutes, usually more. If I were to bring this same level of dedication to other tasks, other goals, even my clients, what would be different?!?!
I arrived home with a renewed sense of energy. Please share your comments on this post, especially, what you are committed to ’8 days a week’ and read more at my blog post at MyPath, too.
Ask Powerful Daily Questions
If you’ve ever felt stuck, doubtful or dis-empowered, try this out!
I’ve been using this technique recently with some of my clients and they are experiencing amazing results.
Read the questions below and write them down so that you can keep them with you until they become second nature. Ponder and think about the questions regularly. Talk to supportive friends, colleagues, family and your professional coach about it. Meditate and journal about these questions, too!
Question 1: What is the easiest, quickest, and most enjoyable way to (my desired result?)
Question 2: If I knew that it would work out in a way even better than I could imagine, what would I create for myself?
Question 3: What is working in my life right now? (What am I grateful for in my life?)
When you ask yourself powerful questions, such as those above, regularly and keep asking these same questions again and again, answers will begin popping into your head (sometimes when you least expect them!). As you continue doing this, answers will come more rapidly as you condition your thought patterns and train your brain to think more positive empowering thoughts. When your brain accepts a new possibility and negative thought patterns are blocked, more positive solutions can flow effortlessly. Rather than spending days or weeks contemplating a problem, you’ll more quickly be able to think about solutions.
Let me know how this works for you. Leave a comment on this blog!
Maintain for Best Performance
Ongoing maintenance is key to keeping everything running at peak performance.
I took one of my cars in today for an oil change and some general maintenance work. Have my other car scheduled next week once the four new tires I ordered come in.
This reminded me about the importance of not only tending to our cars, but to other equipment, vehicles and appliances we rely on every day. In order to get a full life from our investments, we must properly care for them!
This is true, too, for our bodies and our families. Wellness visits and quick response to warning signs will help keep you running at tip-top shape. Although in our car, warning lights ignite on the dashboard when something needs our immediate attention, many ignore similar warning signs in their own body. If you’re suddenly feeling tired all the time, coughing, have difficulty breathing, are experiencing aches and pains, or just realize theat something is off, don’t ignore these signs. Similar to the dashboard lights, these are a warning that something needs your attention.
For those responsible for others, whether they be young children or aging parents, the same warning signs are indications of possible illness or other health issues. Pay attention…don’t be too busy to perform regular check-ins and maintenance. You’ll be glad you did because it could save you from long hospital stays, extended bed rest, and a possible financial burden.
Stay Active
I conducted a workshop yesterday about Staying Active for employees of IEEE. It reminded me of the importance to your health, well-being and positive energy.
Physical activity is so important that it has been added to the US Department of Agriculture’s Food Pyramid. Exercise not only helps you lose weight but it’s key to maintaining a healthy weight and minimizing risks of heart disease, controlling cholesterol levels, preventing bone loss, increasing strength and endurance, and supporting and strengthening your immune system.
If you’re one that either hates to exercise or doesn’t seem to have time, select any types of physical activities that you enjoy doing. Try combining activities into what you’re already doing…park your car in the parking lot at the store? Then, park further away and walk briskly (be sure you’re safe!). Work on the 10th floor in your building?….Take the stairs instead of the elevator!
For those who still say they don’t have time, read my article on “Fitting Fitness into Your Too Busy Schedule”.
Overcome those barriers to staying active by setting small reachable goals and brainstorming ways to better manage your time. If you still need help, contact me!! If you exercise regularly, share your tips in the comments section so that others may learn and adapt what works for you!
National Stress Awareness Day: April 16
Each year on April 16 (the day after tax day here in the US!) National Stress Awareness Day is celebrated as part of honoring April as National Stress Awareness month. Now, realize please, I don’t believe that this is only a national issue but a worldwide chronic problem as people continually suffer from illnesses and issues related to stress. And, I know that stress is an issue that affects most people on a daily basis.
As you celebrate National Stress Awareness Day, pause (at least briefly!) to take a look at your stressful life and deal with it in a much healthier manner. Here are just a few relevant, practical and (hopefully) timely tips to help you handle your stress today:
1. Prioritize
Do what matters most to you before you run out of time and energy. Instead of jamming your day full with things to do, consciously assess which of these tasks needs to be done by you, which can be done by someone else, and which, quite frankly really don’t need to be done at all. Target what matters most and you’ll feel a bigger sense of accomplishment! Stop worrying about trying to do everything and be everything to everyone and instead—FOCUS!
2. Set Realistic Expectations
Practice establishing more realistic standards for yourself and expectations of yourself and others. Avoid setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Be sure to allow sufficient time to achieve your goals and realize occasional setbacks may occur. Stop expecting anything—expectations and reality are often two entirely different things.
3. Keep things in Perspective
Make a conscious choice not to become angry, frustrated or upset about trivial and unimportant things. Stop allowing yourself to waste your thoughts and energy where it isn’t deserved. Separate what you can and can’t control so that you can focus on that which you can control. Instead of just worrying, determine which actions you can take and begin step-by-step to think things through and move toward your more desired outcome.
4. Eliminate Artificial Stress Relievers
Cut out artificial stress reducers such as alcohol and drugs, which can mask symptoms and often make symptoms worse. Eat a well-balanced diet which includes plenty of fruits and vegetables, as well as foods which are high in complex carbohydrates, moderate amounts of protein, and low in fat. Avoid excessive amounts of caffeine which has been shown to increase anxiety.
5. Practice Self-Care
Today is a Friday and it’s a beautiful sunny day so why not go outdoors to enjoy a little sunshine?!? A little activity and some good self-care can have amazing ramifications on your stress level and will likely enhance your entire outlook towards life. Your improved attitude can have a positive effect on not only yourself, but everyone within your life. Nearly any form of self-care will help contribute to your well-being. It doesn’t necessarily have to cost anything or take a lot of time. Some people enjoy gardening, reading or even a vigorous walk or bike ride. Others relish in simply things like good dental hygiene, a nap, giggling with the kids, stroking a pet or eating healthy and drinking plenty of water throughout the day. No matter what you choose, begin caring for yourself as well as you care for others!
Although we know the importance of healthy eating, exercising to help reduce stress, and ways to avoid stressful situations before they even happen, we often work too much, sleep too little, skimp on exercise, and eat the wrong foods. Start today by making more conscious choices to help you control your stress.
I’d love to help you handle your stress–let me know how I can do that!
Set Value-Based Goals
When working with successful clients, I’ve observed that those who experience the greatest levels of fulfillment and personal satisfaction as they achieve their goals, have aligned their goals with their personal values. If you follow good goal-setting practices in addition to aligning your goals with your values by writing specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and trackable (S-M-A-R-T Goals) action plans, you have a better chance of success and knowing what your true priorities are. You spend the majority of your time on what matters most to you!
The first step in the values-based goal-setting process has to start with making an inventory of your values. Goal-setting is important but unproductive unless it is set on a foundation of your values.
Your values are the intangible aspects of life that make you feel in alignment, complete, on track, and functioning at a high level. Values are the essence of who you are. They are at your core. Although they may change over time, a life that aligns with one’s core values will feel more satisfying, even in the most difficult and challenging times. Values are the things you do that you find very attractive, an emotional state that you feel is very important. As life changes, it is important to re-examine your values. What was important to you at 20 may not be the same thing as when you’re 43.
Some examples of values include adventure, fun, service, creativity, connection, etc. When we consciously design our life to align with our values, life gets immeasurably richer — and easier! Gaining clarity of your values and designing your life around them is a process.
To discover your values, ask yourself:
- What is most important to you in your life?
- Then ask, what is important to you about that? What does this give you?
For example, if you answered that family is most important to you. Dig further to discover the core underlying value by asking what does family provide for you; you may find that family gives you a sense of connection, belonging or community. As you see in this example, the underlying value extends beyond family. Focus on what the value gives you to be sure you’re uncovering the core value because this will help you set your goals around your values.
Once you identify you values, choose activities or goals that are aligned with them. When you set goals to experience more of what you value most, life gets immensely richer – and easier!
How to Manage Your Inner Critic
Many of my clients and several audience members often remark that they feel somewhat like an imposter because they’re not as bright, capable or successful as others perceive them to be. They’re often afraid someone may find out. If you share this issue, this article interestingly helps you manage your inner critic. If you need more help, 1-1 coaching may be the solution to help you break through your blocks and be more confident and successful in your own eyes. Call or email me to discuss your needs. And, don’t worry, our conversations are strictly confidential!
View the Harvard Business Review article: How to Manage Your Inner Critic
Flying Solo
To my amazement, and many others, my 78 year old dad flew up from Florida this afternoon by himself! He’s never flown alone before. He asked his 98 year old aunt for advice because she’s flown alone quite frequently. And, he has health issues! But, he was determined to be here for my niece’s (his Granddaughter’s) wedding this Sunday.
This makes me wonder, how often do we hold ourselves or others back because of what we perceive is possible or not possible?
I’m interested in your comments about this. Post here or email me privately!
