Set Realistic Expectations in Your Super Busy Life
I’ve been talking to many executive moms lately in preparation for an upcoming presentation. What I’m finding is that those with the highest rate of success in balancing and integrating their life have realistic expectations for themselves and others.
In one example, an executive level mom with boys ages 11 and 13 enjoys attending their baseball games. As soon as she receives their schedules at the start of the season, she puts every game on her calendar. She doesn’t plan on attending every game because that would be unrealistic to accomplish. However, she attends when she can and she makes sure she’s there when it’s a championship game. She is thankful for those she can make and doesn’t beat herself up for those she can’t.
In another example, another senior level working mom has decided that time for herself will involved others in her family. Rather than having time solely to herself on the weekends, she shares her time with her family as a conscious choice and not something she resents doing. She carves out time to read fiction stories when she craves time alone. Otherwise, her expectation is to limit her alone time because she prefers being with her husband and children.
Realistic expectations around housework, children’s behavior, work, travel/commuting time and even free time will help you stress less and enjoy more.
What can you be more realistic about?
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Gaining Focus
I conducted a presentation today to a group of women leaders at a college. Overall, it went ok but not as I had anticipated. So, when I analyze what went wrong….the bottom line is that I tried to put too much into a 45 minute presentation and ended up losing my usual focus and organization. I spent too much time in some areas and not enough in others.
Overall, the feedback about how I actually conducted the program was excellent because there was lots of information provided, participation and interaction, and effective communication. The problem was that I didn’t get to cover some of the pieces in the depth I had planned. The program felt a little unorganized to me, especially when I started to rush to get through it. I had planned on having the participants complete an activity but there was no time left. I wasn’t told that some of the participants needed to leave by 1:15, fifteen minutes before I was expected to conclude. Although I think I held it together, I felt distracted once people started leaving prior to my completion and wrap-up.
My contact requested that I combine 3 different presentations to cover the pieces she thought would be most beneficial to the audience. In my aim to please, I feel I over-promised. Combining 3 different programs and bringing them together into one 45 minute presentation gave me a challenge. Unfortunately, I am not pleased with my results.
I wonder how many times in life others may have similar circumstances occur in their work or personal life. I know I tend to be hard on myself, as are many of you reading this post. However, I believe there’s much to be learned here about staying focused on the desired outcome and not sacrificing quality. I’m interested in learning and growing from this experience and your experiences. Please contact me at natalie@superbusyparent.com to share.
Yours,
Coach Natalie
Limit TV
Quite a few of my clients have recently recognized the amount of time they and their family spend viewing TV. They realized that if they avoided turning the TV on in the evening when they got home from work that they’d actually get more accomplished quicker, have more energy, and be able to better relax later on.
The debate about TV watching has gone on for years. Research indicates that American children and adolescents spend 22-28 hours per week viewing television; that’s an average of three to four hours a day! It’s contributing to obesity and other health problems in children as well as socialization issues as they mature. One mom I know set a NO TV rule. She allows her family to watch appropriate movies together but has relegated TV watcing to sick days, snow days, and special programs. By setting this limit when the children are younger, she is creating a healthy habit her children can take into the teen years and adulthood.
Moderate television watching with discretion in program viewing can be somewhat beneficial to school-aged children according to The Research Center for Families and Children. Excessive television watching creates problems for children. Here are some suggestions from the Department of Education:
Set Limits. Know how much TV your child is watching. Set some basic rules such as no television before homework or chores are done or during meals.
Participate. Watch TV with your child and discuss the program. Ask them questions and express your views. This will also let you know what your children are watching.
Monitor. Avoid shows, movies, or video games that have violent or sexual content. Encourage children to watch programs about characters who show cooperation and caring.
Analyze Commercials. Help children to critically evaluate advertisements.
Be a Good Role Model. This suggestion comes from the Parents as Teachers National Center. Because children model behavior, set a good example with your own television viewing habits. Avoid watching programs containing adult content when your child is in the room or nearby.
I’ve noticed how fixated my children (9 & 11) and my husband can become when they’re watching TV. I’ve also noticed how I can get drawn into it when I’m walking by. It’s important to be aware of how TV is contributing to your life or distracting from what you say you really want.
Here’s some ideas to help you and your family cope if you decide to limit or eliminate TV in your home:
1. Be more consciously aware of what you really do want to be doing with your time.
2. Encourage creative entertainment choices. Guide your family to help them develop other options besides TV. Be patient. If you can live through 15-20 minutes of whining, your children WILL find something else to do.
3. Send the kids outside to play.
4. Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing besides watching TV. Keep it visibly posted and refer to it each time you feel the urge to turn on the TV.
5. Use TV time as folding the laundry time.
National TV Turnoff Week is April 24-30 this year. Will you and your family be able to turn your TVs off for the week? And, if so, what will you be doing instead?
I’d love to hear from you about your TV Turnoff challenges and replacement activities. What did turning off the TV provide you with in your Super Busy life? What did the TV provide (i.e. relaxation)? What other ways can you get this?
Yours truly,
Coach Natalie
http://superbusyparent.com
Kids Activities in Your Super Busy Life
I observed two moms at a child’s birthday party who were complaining to each other about their super busy lives. Of course, you must know how hard it is for me to restrain myself from jumping in to help! No one asked for my help, so I respected that.
Both moms have 3 children involved in a number of activities. One mom works part-time from her home and the other mom runs a (very) full-time family daycare business from her home 10-11 hours each day, Monday thru Friday. Both moms each have a husband who travels at least occasionally for business.
One of the moms was so exhausted by last Thursday (her husband was on the road) that after the daycare kids went home, her kids went to CCD, they came home and had dinner, got homework done, she was physically unable to get two of her sons to soccer practice at two different places in different sides of town. The practices are scheduled on at least 2 weeknights until 9 or 10 pm, depending on the kid. This mom is up each morning by 5:30 am. Her boys are up at 6:30 and 7. Although the boys were upset about missing practice, she knew she had to stop the insanity; she was so exhausted that she could barely keep her eyes open, never mind drive each boy across town and pick them up later in the evening. She rarely, if ever, says no to her kids activities, but this time, she said that she pretty much had no choice!
The other mom explained how she was always multi-tasking to get done as much as possible but yet never seemed to feel that she was accomplishing enough. She told about how difficult it is for her to just watch her kids play ball and how she often brought other things to do with her so she didn’t feel guilty for just ‘sitting there’. Oddly enough, during the same conversation she joked about how someday she’d probably look back and regret that she didn’t really watch the game or connect with how her kids were playing.
In both cases, these super busy moms have a lot on their plate, maybe too much (but that’s not for me or you to decide!). I wonder if they would’ve learning anything by observing themselves in this conversation, if they would’ve done things differently, what advice they would have given themselves if they were the listener or observer.
I think it’s important to assess the activities that we and our kids are involved in. I often check with the coach or other representative even before signing up for something, to learn more about the practice and game schedule, travel involved, other expected commitments, the costs, and any other details I can find out. I let them know up-front about any potential conflicts I expect and how this might effect my child, the team, or themselves. Although I can’t possibly plan or anticipate everything, this cuts down on quite a bit. I also have my children choose an activity per season so that we can see how it works into the existing schedule. If it fits, we consider it, but if not, there’s more assessment necessary or the decision is made that they won’t participate in the new activity. I try really hard not to get caught up in the thinking that my kids must participate at the ‘extreme’ level or they won’t get onto the HS teams or into a good college. Consciously choosing activities based on the information we can consider helps us make better informed decisions.
Being really honest with yourself, your spouse, and your kids about your limits (and theirs) is critical for your sanity and well-being. Over-committing is never a good solution for anyone!
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Secrets from a Super Busy Working Mom (FT Work, PT School)
A client of mine was working full-time as a teacher’s aide after being downsized from her corporate job. She was contemplating returning to school for her teaching certification so that she could eventually have a regular teaching position. As she evaluated this option, there were many pro’s and con’s and other options that arose. After speaking with some teachers, a superintendent, some college admissions counselors, her family, and some close friends and extended family, she decided to pursue returning to school for her teaching certification.
She had a broad understanding of the challenges she’d face as a mom with 2 kids, a husband who works varied shifts, a home to take care of, a volunteer position at her church, and a full-time job. She received support and encouragement in advance from her husband for doing more at home and with the kids to allow for class time, commute time and study time. She also got a few neighbors and friends on-board from the beginning to help out, as needed, when the kids had somewhere to go but she would be at class and her husband would be working. She carved out a new schedule for her personal time that provided time for homework and studying. She re-hired the cleaning person she let go before the holidays. She continues getting her homework and projects done in advance—just in case there’s no time later!
When I asked her to share her strategies that have helped her so far in this transition, she said that compartmentalizing and asking for & accepting help was key. She also mentioned how important it was to allow her husband to do things differently than she does. Hopefully, her experience will motivate you to pursue a goal you’ve been putting off because it is possible! You just need to proactively and flexibly create the environment that works for you.
Find out how other super busy moms manage their life. Check out Blue Suit Mom http://http://www.bluesuitmom.com/career/findingbalance/ to read questions and answers from moms just like you!
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Safety Alert for Super Busy Parents
I heard from a friend who recently had a problem with her clothes dryer and I want to alert you about what she found out. It could save the lives of you, your family and your pets, as well as your home. Even though your life is super busy, it’s vital that you take the time to do some general maintenance to ensure that all of your appliances are in good running order.
My friend had called in a repair man because the heating unit went out on her dryer. As a mother of 3 boys at the start of soccer season, this was a real problem! As the repair man fixed things, he pulled out the lint filter. It was clean because my friend has the habit in place to clean the lint filter every time she empties the dryer. Although it appeared clean, there was an invisible unpermeating film that sat on top. He ran some hot water on it and it just sat on top of the mesh!
The repair man explained the dangers of this ‘common’ situation. As this film builds up it burns out the heating unit and dimishes the life of your dryer. It also causes dryer units to catch fire and potentially burn your house down with it.
Apparantely, the problem occurs from a buildup from dryer sheets. Although I don’t normally use dryer sheets, the advice is easy enough to follow, that I’ll do it anyway. This repair man recommended taking out your filter and washing it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every 6 months (more if you do many washes using dryer sheets). He said this will make the life of your dryer at least twice as long and help lower your electric/gas bill. Be sure to rinse all the soap residue and dry the lint screen completely before returning it to the dryer.
Time Management for Super Busy Parents
After blogging about time for self-care, I received feedback about how difficult it is to manage time so that there’s time for self-care. So, I went to one of the experts I know to get her advice. Carrie Greene (www.CarrieThru.com; Carrie@CarrieThru.com; 973.763.5504) is an ADHD coach. She realizes that everyone has issues with time management especially when life gets busy, priorities conflict and we over commit, but people with ADHD tend to have more trouble with time management then people without. For many people with ADHD time is not something that can be accurately estimated or judged. For super busy moms and dads, although you may not have ADHD (the neurobiological disorder) you may exhibit some attention deficit traits due to the overwhelming number of responsibilities in your life.
Whether you have ADHD or not, you will find that there are many benefits to being able to manage your time. When you are in control of your time you will find yourself more relaxed, you will be able to accomplish what you want to, know what tasks you need to do and be able to prioritize and not over commit yourself. Since many people with ADHD have so much trouble understanding time and truly can not internalize how time works, how can someone with ADHD ever expect to be on time?
Here are some strategies:
- Externalize time by creating visual, audible or tactile (sense of touch) cues.
- Use a SINGLE calendar, whatever kind you like and always carry it with you.
- Maintain a TASK list. It should include single actionable tasks not projects.
- Always wear a watch and hang up analog clocks in your office and home. Analog clocks show the passage of time as well as what time it is.
- Set your clocks accurately. If you insist on setting them ahead, make sure they are all set to the same time.
- Give yourself more time to perform a task then you expect it to take.
- Assume there will be traffic. Bring a book or something to do in case you are early.
- Schedule time with yourself to DO the projects on your list, don’t just write down due dates.
- Before you agree to take on a new task review what you have already committed to and decide if you can realistically add it to your load.
- Instead of allowing a project to take a certain amount of time from you, decide how much time you are willing to give it. Empower yourself to control your projects and your time!
Being in charge of your time is very powerful. What is one thing you can do today that will take you one step closer to getting there?
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Time for Yourself
In order to have uninterrupted time for yourself, you need to first believe that you deserve it and are capable of having it. In super busy lives, in order for time for yourself to occur, it must become a commitment that’s a priority in your life.
Uninterrupted time for yourself is of utmost importance to parents because of your vital role and responsibility to nurture your children. Taking care of yourself ultimately enables you to best care for your family and your work. It is important to nurture yourself regularly without feeling guilty.
One of the biggest obstacles to finding more time for yourself may be your own guilt! Time and making it a priority are the other two challenges that prevent super busy moms and dads to take time for themselves.
To be able to make time for things you want to be doing more of, it is important to know where your time is going and what is most important to you to be spending your time on. Sometimes, what we say is important isn’t exactly where we’re spending our time and energy. Spending time on yourself and on activities you enjoy is critical to keeping your life in balance, your stress level low, and the rest of your family happy. Maintaining inner harmony, peace, and joy will help increase your overall life satisfaction.
You will not be able to take care of everything or everyone else well—or, more important, enjoy your time with them—if you are feeling burnt out or resentful because your needs aren’t being met. Whether it’s reluctance to put yourself first (at least once in a while) or an inability to find the time to do it gets in the way, begin reclaiming your time and precious revitalization.
There are many valuable articles available at my site. Click here to view the Top Ten List for Utilizing Time more Efficiently. By optimizing your time, you can make time for the things that matter, including your self-care.
Warm regards,
Coach Natalie
Toolkit Coming!!
Wow, time sure flies. It’s been a while since I’ve been blogging because I’ve been focusing my time and energy on creating an awesome tool that SuperBusy parents like you can use to create more success, fulfillment and balance in your Work, Family and Personal Life. I’ll be looking for people to preview it for free and provide their feedback. If you’re interested, let me know! It will be a unique opportunity to help shape tools to help yourself and others like you.
Practice Patience
With so much busy-ness in life it’s often difficult to be patient. We’re pushing for more and for things to be faster and faster. I’ve been working on patience in my personal and professional lives. It has really helped me stay focused on the moment and more fully appreciate others.
In my coaching, I have remained quieter when I work with my individual clients. This allowed them to say more. We were able to go deeper. They experienced more ah-ha moments. They were able to discover their own answers. I ‘taught’ less.
In my business, I have trusted that new business will come. I have stopped pushing so hard to create opportunities. I am trusting the universe to supply what I need. What’s happened as a result is pretty amazing! I have been introduced to an agent/broker who is excited about offering my services when he meets with school systems. I have welcomed a new individual coaching client. I have been informed that someone in Austin, TX purchased 250 copies of my book. I have mailed out postcards to prospects without being attached to the outcome. I have several prospective opportunities for speaking and one-on-one clients.
At home, patience has been a real virtue! It has brought me more gratitude than I expected. It has helped me have healthier relationships with my husband, kids, and my extended family members.
I encourage you to practice patience in your own super busy life. See if it helps you gain more joy in the moment. Discover if it helps you connect deeper with those around you. Uncover the gratitude that can come from staying in the moment and being thankful for the opportunities right in front of you. Then, let me know how patience has showed up in your life by posting a reply here or sending me an email.
Patiently yours,
Coach Natalie
