Weed out NON-ESSENTIALS in your Super Busy Life
Many of the super busy parents I meet while traveling around to speak tell me how difficult it is for them to say “no” at home and work. This is a universal problem because we fear the consequences of saying “no”. There are a number of reasons why people don’t say “no” when they want to, but the most prevalent is that thay want to be liked and to please others.
Saying “no” is a powerful way to take control over your own life. If you’re more used to people- pleasing then self-pleasing, start by making yourself a priority. You mat initially feel guilty, as manu of my clients have, but eventually, it gets easier as you develop the confidence and ability to use this skill.
There are a number of ways you can say “no”. The best advice I can offer is to keep it simple (no lengthy explanation or justification) and say it strongly (no wimpy “n’s”).
If saying “no” is something you need help with, you can contact Coach Natalie for a free consultation session or schedule a 1-2 hour presentation at your work, church, professional organization, or club so that you can give the gift of saying “no” to your friends and colleagues.
Good luck!
Yours truly,
Coach Natalie
Make Room for FUN in YOUR Super Busy Life
Weekends can be an all-consuming list of to-do items that you never have the chance to get around to doing the fun activities that rejuvenate your spirit and make fond family memories.
A client of mine that I worked with a few years ago shared a tip with me that I ended up getting her permission to use in my book, Succeeding as a Super Busy Parent. Her tactic was to have a “Do Nothing” day about once a month. During this time the family faxially hung out together, played games, romped through the leaves and had quiet uninterrupted time alone. This time together was often scheduled but sometimes spontaneous when the need arose after a particularly hectic week. It became a family tradition and one of their much treasured activities during the past several years. Slowing down and having some downtime will help you and your family decompress after a super busy week.
If you’re one of the many who cringe at the thought of doing nothing, relax and start small. Perhaps, you can began with a simple pajama day when the kids don’t get dressed till noon, or better yet, stay in their jammies all day! Pop in a favorite DVD for the kids, while you and your partner slip back into bed for some quiet alone time. Or, how about jumping in the car and hitting the drive thru for breakfast then coming home and playing a game together. The possibilities are endless…the purpose is fun!
Please let me know what you and your family do for fun in your super busy lives! Email me at natalie@superbusyparent.com.
Warm regards,
Coach Natalie
More Input on Relating to Teens/Tweens in your Super Busy Life
I received this input from a super busy mom from Boston about how she and her husband manage the summer schedule for their daughters. Thought it might be useful for you….
Thanx for your article on Relating to your Tween/Teen in Your Super Busy Life. It’s such a universal parent dilemma. Now that my daughters (ages 12 and 10) are out of school for the summer, we enter the juggling of “who’s watching the kids and what are they doing.” We’re extremely fortunate that my niece, sisters and in-laws pitch in with child care. My husband and I both worth full time. I’ve asked my girls to keep a list of things they can/want to do and even with whom they’d like to do the activity. Hopefully, my girls won’t feel disappointed (or less so) that they’d like to do an activity and we’re not there to do it –knowing that when we have the time together, we’ll do it. Also, it gives them more control over what they are doing with their parents and aunts, their 20-something cousin and their 70-something grandparents. With their limited time on the computer I ask them to visit the websites for certain activities (i.e. the museum), look at what it’s about, how much time we’ll need, coupons, etc. They are conscience, too, of the different things they can enjoy (and maybe cannot do – because of physical or monetary limitations) with their different caregivers.
Judith B. Ercolini
E-mail: jercolini@comcast.net
Relating to your Tween/Teen in your Super Busy Life
Now that my son will be turning 12 in a few weeks, I am becoming much more aware of the issues and challenges parents of teens and tweens face on a regular basis. These children want so much to be treated like a grown-up and have their independence, yet they are still a child. They are very heavily influenced by their friends and society, sometimes to your own regret.
I had a coaching session with a mom who is a widow and has 12 and 15 year old children. Now that she has recently gone back to work full-time she wanted to develop more opportunities for quality time with her kids and enhance the relationships. Beings she doesn’t get home until around 7 pm on most nights during the week, this is rather difficult for her to do. She feels out-of-balance and disconnected.
We talked about the realities because some of them really can’t be changed. She does need to work for financial and other reasons. Having just gone back to work, she doesn’t have much flexibility in her hours or work schedule. However, she really wants to feel connected with her kids and be involved in fun activities with them.
In the past, they have had dinners as a family more frequently, had family meetings, game night, and other activities that seem to have disappeared. Although her son has lacrosse several nights, there is still an opportunity she recognized to have dinner together on the nights when they weren’t rushing out to lacrosse. She has committed to dinner together as a family at least 3 nights each week. Some of you may think, “three isn’t enough” while others may say, “three is impossible”, if you want to make this a priority, decide what is right for you and your family and just make a start! You can adjust along the way.
We also brainstormed activities she thought both her kids enjoy. Her daughter enjoys gardening, but hasn’t been doing it lately. This mom also enjoys gardening and would love the opportunity to spend a little while on a Saturday or Sunday morning gardening with her daughter. What she couldn’t see, the notion of spending a whole day, but spending an hour, seems reasonable and do-able. And, again, it’s a place to start!
She and both her kids enjoy bike rides and can do more of these together, as well.
Determining activities you could do together doesn’t need to be done alone. Your kids can provide their input about things they wish you would do together again, things they’d like to try out, and things they’d like to do more of. They could also help you determine when it’s appropriate to bring along a friend or two, and when it’s better to have more private family time.
I’d love to hear your ideas and solutions for enjoying time with your teen and tween. Please share your ideas for helping them with problem-solving, decision-making, responsibility, cooperation, and communication. And, tell me, what are some of the things you do together in the limited free time in your super busy life? Email me at natalie@superbusyparent.com.
Yours truly,
Coach Natalie
Celebrate Your Day
In honor of Mothers Day, I searched the Web for the best ways to celebrate you and your important role as a mom. I found the best advice at
http://parenting.aol.com/parenting/onlyonaol/feature/0,22440,1184790,00.html.
They have their favorites posted at this site. It includes ways to pamper yourself from to no-guilt feel good self-nurturing to at-home spa treatments; ways to keep your sex life sizzling and enhance your relationships with your spouse, your mother, mother-in-law, and friends; makeover success stories; shopping advice; and, heartwarming stories about motherhood. Whether you’re a new mom, a veteran mom, or a mom-to-be, you deserve to celebrate yourself!
And, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to you! Enjoy your day.
Sincerely yours,
Coach Natalie
Mom Makeover
Check out the Mom Squad mom makeovers from Parenting Magazine http://www.parenting.com/parenting/article/0,19840,1154748,00.html
I’ve been the Life Coach for Parenting Magazine’s Mom Squad since it began this series early in 2005. Find out how the team of experts helps moms with real life challenges starting with the March 2005 issue.
The Mom Squad team consists of Billie Causieestko, Fashion Stylist, Sara Johnson, Makeup Artist Ellie Krieger, R.D., Nutritionist, Nikki An-Ledi, Hairstylist, Sharson Monplasir, Fitness Expert, Natalie Gahrmann, Life Coach, Jarnine Sarna-Jones, Organizer.
Set Realistic Expectations in Your Super Busy Life
I’ve been talking to many executive moms lately in preparation for an upcoming presentation. What I’m finding is that those with the highest rate of success in balancing and integrating their life have realistic expectations for themselves and others.
In one example, an executive level mom with boys ages 11 and 13 enjoys attending their baseball games. As soon as she receives their schedules at the start of the season, she puts every game on her calendar. She doesn’t plan on attending every game because that would be unrealistic to accomplish. However, she attends when she can and she makes sure she’s there when it’s a championship game. She is thankful for those she can make and doesn’t beat herself up for those she can’t.
In another example, another senior level working mom has decided that time for herself will involved others in her family. Rather than having time solely to herself on the weekends, she shares her time with her family as a conscious choice and not something she resents doing. She carves out time to read fiction stories when she craves time alone. Otherwise, her expectation is to limit her alone time because she prefers being with her husband and children.
Realistic expectations around housework, children’s behavior, work, travel/commuting time and even free time will help you stress less and enjoy more.
What can you be more realistic about?
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Gaining Focus
I conducted a presentation today to a group of women leaders at a college. Overall, it went ok but not as I had anticipated. So, when I analyze what went wrong….the bottom line is that I tried to put too much into a 45 minute presentation and ended up losing my usual focus and organization. I spent too much time in some areas and not enough in others.
Overall, the feedback about how I actually conducted the program was excellent because there was lots of information provided, participation and interaction, and effective communication. The problem was that I didn’t get to cover some of the pieces in the depth I had planned. The program felt a little unorganized to me, especially when I started to rush to get through it. I had planned on having the participants complete an activity but there was no time left. I wasn’t told that some of the participants needed to leave by 1:15, fifteen minutes before I was expected to conclude. Although I think I held it together, I felt distracted once people started leaving prior to my completion and wrap-up.
My contact requested that I combine 3 different presentations to cover the pieces she thought would be most beneficial to the audience. In my aim to please, I feel I over-promised. Combining 3 different programs and bringing them together into one 45 minute presentation gave me a challenge. Unfortunately, I am not pleased with my results.
I wonder how many times in life others may have similar circumstances occur in their work or personal life. I know I tend to be hard on myself, as are many of you reading this post. However, I believe there’s much to be learned here about staying focused on the desired outcome and not sacrificing quality. I’m interested in learning and growing from this experience and your experiences. Please contact me at natalie@superbusyparent.com to share.
Yours,
Coach Natalie
Limit TV
Quite a few of my clients have recently recognized the amount of time they and their family spend viewing TV. They realized that if they avoided turning the TV on in the evening when they got home from work that they’d actually get more accomplished quicker, have more energy, and be able to better relax later on.
The debate about TV watching has gone on for years. Research indicates that American children and adolescents spend 22-28 hours per week viewing television; that’s an average of three to four hours a day! It’s contributing to obesity and other health problems in children as well as socialization issues as they mature. One mom I know set a NO TV rule. She allows her family to watch appropriate movies together but has relegated TV watcing to sick days, snow days, and special programs. By setting this limit when the children are younger, she is creating a healthy habit her children can take into the teen years and adulthood.
Moderate television watching with discretion in program viewing can be somewhat beneficial to school-aged children according to The Research Center for Families and Children. Excessive television watching creates problems for children. Here are some suggestions from the Department of Education:
Set Limits. Know how much TV your child is watching. Set some basic rules such as no television before homework or chores are done or during meals.
Participate. Watch TV with your child and discuss the program. Ask them questions and express your views. This will also let you know what your children are watching.
Monitor. Avoid shows, movies, or video games that have violent or sexual content. Encourage children to watch programs about characters who show cooperation and caring.
Analyze Commercials. Help children to critically evaluate advertisements.
Be a Good Role Model. This suggestion comes from the Parents as Teachers National Center. Because children model behavior, set a good example with your own television viewing habits. Avoid watching programs containing adult content when your child is in the room or nearby.
I’ve noticed how fixated my children (9 & 11) and my husband can become when they’re watching TV. I’ve also noticed how I can get drawn into it when I’m walking by. It’s important to be aware of how TV is contributing to your life or distracting from what you say you really want.
Here’s some ideas to help you and your family cope if you decide to limit or eliminate TV in your home:
1. Be more consciously aware of what you really do want to be doing with your time.
2. Encourage creative entertainment choices. Guide your family to help them develop other options besides TV. Be patient. If you can live through 15-20 minutes of whining, your children WILL find something else to do.
3. Send the kids outside to play.
4. Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing besides watching TV. Keep it visibly posted and refer to it each time you feel the urge to turn on the TV.
5. Use TV time as folding the laundry time.
National TV Turnoff Week is April 24-30 this year. Will you and your family be able to turn your TVs off for the week? And, if so, what will you be doing instead?
I’d love to hear from you about your TV Turnoff challenges and replacement activities. What did turning off the TV provide you with in your Super Busy life? What did the TV provide (i.e. relaxation)? What other ways can you get this?
Yours truly,
Coach Natalie
http://superbusyparent.com
Kids Activities in Your Super Busy Life
I observed two moms at a child’s birthday party who were complaining to each other about their super busy lives. Of course, you must know how hard it is for me to restrain myself from jumping in to help! No one asked for my help, so I respected that.
Both moms have 3 children involved in a number of activities. One mom works part-time from her home and the other mom runs a (very) full-time family daycare business from her home 10-11 hours each day, Monday thru Friday. Both moms each have a husband who travels at least occasionally for business.
One of the moms was so exhausted by last Thursday (her husband was on the road) that after the daycare kids went home, her kids went to CCD, they came home and had dinner, got homework done, she was physically unable to get two of her sons to soccer practice at two different places in different sides of town. The practices are scheduled on at least 2 weeknights until 9 or 10 pm, depending on the kid. This mom is up each morning by 5:30 am. Her boys are up at 6:30 and 7. Although the boys were upset about missing practice, she knew she had to stop the insanity; she was so exhausted that she could barely keep her eyes open, never mind drive each boy across town and pick them up later in the evening. She rarely, if ever, says no to her kids activities, but this time, she said that she pretty much had no choice!
The other mom explained how she was always multi-tasking to get done as much as possible but yet never seemed to feel that she was accomplishing enough. She told about how difficult it is for her to just watch her kids play ball and how she often brought other things to do with her so she didn’t feel guilty for just ‘sitting there’. Oddly enough, during the same conversation she joked about how someday she’d probably look back and regret that she didn’t really watch the game or connect with how her kids were playing.
In both cases, these super busy moms have a lot on their plate, maybe too much (but that’s not for me or you to decide!). I wonder if they would’ve learning anything by observing themselves in this conversation, if they would’ve done things differently, what advice they would have given themselves if they were the listener or observer.
I think it’s important to assess the activities that we and our kids are involved in. I often check with the coach or other representative even before signing up for something, to learn more about the practice and game schedule, travel involved, other expected commitments, the costs, and any other details I can find out. I let them know up-front about any potential conflicts I expect and how this might effect my child, the team, or themselves. Although I can’t possibly plan or anticipate everything, this cuts down on quite a bit. I also have my children choose an activity per season so that we can see how it works into the existing schedule. If it fits, we consider it, but if not, there’s more assessment necessary or the decision is made that they won’t participate in the new activity. I try really hard not to get caught up in the thinking that my kids must participate at the ‘extreme’ level or they won’t get onto the HS teams or into a good college. Consciously choosing activities based on the information we can consider helps us make better informed decisions.
Being really honest with yourself, your spouse, and your kids about your limits (and theirs) is critical for your sanity and well-being. Over-committing is never a good solution for anyone!
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
