Fighting Fires isn’t Sexy
For those of you with more on your to-do list than you have time to do, it could be quite difficult to decide which projects get your time and attention. Getting focused is the top challenge most super busy managers struggle with. I have learned so much about this problem first-hand dealing with it as I balance my roles as mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, and more with that of being an entrepreneur. I have now created and delivered a highly effective workshop “There’s Too Much on my Plate” to help others manage their work more effectively rather than constantly fighting fires by handling the crises that come there way on a regular basis.
Some highly recommended and very effective techniques I teach about include:
1. Choose the RIGHT priorities
Here I refer to the 80:20 rule and apply it to managing your workload. Don’t be so busy doing lots of the things that will detract you from doing the things that matter most. 80% is trivial but 20% is vital. Focus on your 20% with 80% of your time and energy. Work smarter! Focus the majority of your time and energy on activities that advance your overall goals and purpose. Anything else on your to-do list is likely a distraction!
2. Ask Yourself the RIGHT questions
Rather than asking about how you’ll be able to get everything done, ask what steps will help you achieve your goals, how the activity or project ties into the bigger picture, when critical hand-offs need to occur and other such questions that more closely align with your goals and objectives.
3. Be in Control
Manage your day rather than reacting to other’s needs and priorities and putting your own priorities on the back burner. Don’t be fooled to believe that you’ll be able to get to your stuff once you’ve gotten through everyone else’s because that rarely, if ever really happens. Learn to negotiate and ask better questions, to push back, and to set clear boundaries.
Fighting someone else’s fires places your time and energy with them. When someone needs your help and tries to make their priority your priority, remember that by reacting you are giving up your power. Instead, if reasonable, politely let them know that you will gladly help them out later once you’ve finished your own work. Focus on your priorities first!
Email Overload
Business people are plagued with numerous distractions at work. We deal with email, the internet, phone calls, unexpected meetings, unorganized and cluttered work spaces, changing priorities, annoying cell phones, pagers, PDAs, and constant interruptions. Senior executives and managers report that the biggest distractions are the crisis of the moment and e-mail.
To better manage all of these crazy distractions at work, people are arriving at work earlier, staying later, closing their doors more often, and setting clear boundaries. However, email continues to be a growing problem for just about everyone. The email overload can come from both inside and outside the organization, including customers, colleagues, superiors, family members, lists, and spam. There has been an explosion of e-mail in offices across the country, and not all of it is spam. Answering 50 or 100 e-mails a day — or just wading through them — can disrupt workflow and cost money. Get some real useful tips for managing your email better from Marilyn Paul, Business expert and author of “It’s Hard to Make a Difference when you can’t Find your Keys”.
The real issue is the perception and beliefs that people have. Why do people believe that they “have to” be available 24 hours a day? Why do they “have to” be involved in all the details of every project? Why do we “have to” attend so many meetings?
Reassess the “have to’s” and “should’s” and you may make different decisions!
Working Parents
I visited the Fox Studios in NY earlier today to tape 2 segments for FoxBusiness.com. Although we had an appointment for studio time at 11:15, we were not able to tape until later that afternoon because someone had mis-communicated. (Has anything like this ever happened to you??)
Anyway, I was interviewed about tips for working parents for one segment and how to set better boundaries at work for the other. Anna Gilligan, the host was a pleasure to work with although not personally able understand the issues facing working parents every day, beings she’s not a parent herself. Many of the tips shared in this type of format are general and non-specific because it’s reaching a varied audience. When you read Succeeding as a
Super Busy Parent you can select the tips that apply to you and incorporate them into your life. Sometimes we get so busy that we forget the practical and sometimes simple things you could be doing to beat this challenge. You can check out the show at http://www.foxbusiness.com/video/index.html?playerId=videolandingpage&streamingFormat=FLASH&referralPlaylistId=5fd543b8ce7fcb5cee5c4eaecd94e0a73b33a327.
If this doesn’t work, go to the FoxBusiness.com site and scroll down to the gold box on the left-hand side that says Fast Track (Download Podcast/ Watch Now). Click Watch now and scroll down to select the March 10 video on Working Parents.
Increasing Productivity
I conducted a presentation at Realogy Corporation for CIGNA Behavioral Healthcare yesterday. I’ve presented there in the past numerous times. Their work environment is not unlike many corporate environments today. Employees are under lots of pressure to complete increasing workloads with decreasing staff. Many employees who would benefit the most from participating in these lunch-and-learn programs, never have the time to even get there. Often, those who would gain the most benefit from a lesson are too busy working to engage in the learing opportunity. Instead they stay glued to their desk. They rarely take time out to chat, eat, exercise, or even to go to the bathroom. Is this what drives productivity at the work place??
I’d say NO! In order for employees to best at their best, they really need to take care of themselves. Worker harder and harder is not the answer. Instead, find ways to work smarter. Working 24/7 does not lead to higher productivity instead it leads to poorer quality, resentment, frustration, and anger.
What ways can you work smarter rather than harder? What boundaries do you need to set in place to honor your own personal needs?
The New Etiquette Tips at Work
I read Penelope Trunk, the Brazen Careerist’s, Ten New Etiquette Tips for the Workplace and found them rather interesting. What was even more forthcoming was the comments reacting to her story. Many felt she thoroughly missed the mark!
I, for one, liked a couple of her tips and felt they could work in some work environments. You really need to know the culture and norms before incorporating all of these tips into your workplace, especially, if you want to keep your job!
You can read all ten of her tips at http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/careerist/40342 and even purchase her book, Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success. This book acknowledges how the rules for success have changed in today’s work environment. Trunk encourages readers to think bigger, act more boldly, and blaze new trails in order to succeed on your own terms.
My favorite tip as a work/life expert who has supported thousands of people to help them better integrate work and life, is her tip #9, Call people on the weekend for work. Not that I don’t value personal time, but I realize that in order to have the flexibilty you need and want during the week, it may be important to let go of the belief that it’s bad to call work colleagues on the weekend because it’s an intrusion of their time. Those who have clear boundaries will let you know that they don’t welcome your call either by telling you or by ignoring your call. If you’re working on an important project or client account and might need their input, let them know that you may be contacting them over the weekend and get their permission ahead of time (you can even find out the best times to reach them!).
The younger people in the workforce grew up being super-connected with their Blackberries, cell phones, instant messaging, and 24/7 access. They often prefer the flexibility of leaving work a little earlier or arrive a little later during the week so that they can focus on other priorities but then catch up for a few hours on the weekend. Note that a work schedule that cordons off five days a week for work and two days a week for a personal life means that the personal life takes a backseat every week of the year.
Trunk’s advice: “The best way to get a life is to stop being so rigid about the distinction between time for work and time for life.”
This is truly something to think about!!
Let me know what you think!
Sincerely yours,
Coach Natalie Gahrmann
natalie@nrgcoaching.com
What’s on Your Plate?
I’ve taken 3 months off from Blogging because I had too much on my plate. Now that things are winding down with the extra commitments I’ve taken on due to my daughter getting a role in a play, my son starting baseball season, and the regular routine of work and life commitments, I’ve re-committed to regular weekly or bi-weekly blogging to support super busy people and delivery of my e-newsletter twice monthly.
Ironically, during March, a colleague had advised me to use my expertise to develop a timely program specifically for Administrative Professionals during Administrative Professionals week the end of April. I came up with a program called “There’s Too Much on My Plate” that helps super busy professionals clearly acknowledge everything on their plate and begin taking ownership and control for everything there is to manage at work and home.
I had the pleasure of visiting American Standard and delivering a keynote to inspire better control of the balancing act. And, now, I’m working with teams at several key corporations to deliver customized programs to meet the needs of their super busy administrative professionals.
One thing I learned first-hand from the last few months is the absolute importance of staying very focused on the most important things and declining other requests and opportunities. Even when there was time to attend another meeting or networking event in the evening, I found that by pushing and having too much on my plate, I was exhausted and wasn’t able to apply the focus and energy to those things that mattered most.
When deciding what’s most important, realize that it may not be forever, but it’s for now. My daughter’s had rehearsal for her play usually 3 days a week for 2-4 hours at a time almost an hour from home. I often brought work with me to do while I waited, dialed into a conference call for my own professional development, or shopped in the local area. It was a great experience for her but the lesson for me, put more boundaries around my time, seek more help, and accept the help that’s offered. And, importantly, negotiate expectations, communicate fully, and be fully present where ever I am.
As my program for “There’s Too much on My Plate” continues to evolve, I will have many experiences to share from participants and from my own experiences. Stay tuned!!
Sincerely yours,
Coach Natalie Gahrmann
natalie@nrgcoaching.com
Fighting Addiction
A newspaper article last month described how, in an ironic role reversal, many professional working parents, when home, are sneaking their Blackberries (or a similar device) into the closet or the bathroom to check e-mail so their children and spouses don’t catch them. These parents are e-mailing while at their kids’ school events and at home during “family time” (including dinner.) In shame they take to hiding their dirty “habit.”
The Blackberry (also unaffectionate called “CrackBerry” because of its sometimes addictive nature) is a hand-held device that provides 24/7 connection to your job. The Blackberries are the workplace cyber tool of the new millennium which enables you to always be in touch with work e-mail and the Internet. It can be both a blessing and a curse.
It can be intrusive and can eliminate any remaining boundaries of work-life balance, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Life is full of choices and any tool can be misused or abused. A shovel is a marvelous invention, but you wouldn’t use it to clear snow off your car’s windshield — or at least not very often. Some employees or managers have addictive or obsessive-compulsive personalities and get hooked on things like this.
So, beware of your possible addiction to these tools and know that you’ve probably gone too far when you take it to bed with you in fear that you might miss something important! Set reasonable limits and boundaries so that it’s a tool to help increase your effectiveness not a device that always needs to be on and ruling your life!
Effective Ways to Lessen Holiday Stress
Holidays are typically one of the most stressful times of the year for most people. Although it is a joyous and happy and spiritually-based day or time period for many, it is often comprised of frantic activities, shopping and feasting marathons, as well as, an increase in both stress and illness levels. For super busy parent, the holiday time is usually an increasingly busy time. The following tips can help diminish the stress and avert accompanying low energy levels that may lead to greater susceptibility to illness, feeling blue, fatigue, irritability, and generally a negative holiday experience.
1. Determine Your Priorities.
Manage your time rather than letting it manage you. Decide what your priorities are regarding holiday events such as parties, family functions, gift buying, cooking, and all other related activities. Put them in order of priority and give yourself ample time for each thing. DO NOT wait until the last minute unless absolutely necessary, or it will be hard for you to not feel pressure and stress.
2. Define Your Limits.
Learn when & how to say NO so that when you say it you mean it. You only have so many days and hours to squeeze in family, friends, business get-togethers, gift buying, food preparation, gift wrapping, traveling, packing, etc. If you have extra time and the desire to help others, fine. However, make sure you have completed or scheduled what is most important to you first. Others can cross your boundaries if you allow them. Remember that you do not have to attend every party or event you’re invited to and if you’re not feeling up to it, you may politely cancel. There is also no need to take on everything yourself, holidays are a time to enjoy, ask for help when you need it!
3. Accept Your Limitations.
For many, this is tough to do, since we often want to do all kinds of things on a holiday and don’t realize how much time and energy it will take from us in the end. Think about what you really have to do, and really want to do. Then, think about what you realistically have adequate time and energy to do. Give up unrealistic expectations. Follow those guidelines and you will perhaps do less and not see as many people, write as many holiday cards, or cook as many cookies or pies, but you will be much less stressed and enjoy the holidays considerably more. Simple concept. Put it on paper and stick to it.
4. Pace Yourself.
Prepare for events in stages. Save and re-use your recipes and shopping lists from year-to-year because traditional holiday dinners vary little. If you are going to be cooking for a large group on one or more occasions, shop early, and prepare what you can in advance, whether it is the day before or the night before. Many types of casseroles, baked goods and snacks can be made 1-2 days prior and kept fresh in a freezer or refrigerator in sealed containers or their own cooking dish. If you have 100 cards to be addressed and mailed, block off 15-30 minutes every day to work on them starting 2-3 weeks before they need to be mailed. Or, better yet, create a mailing list with labels you use annually. Look for possible gift ideas throughout the year, purchase items on sale and put them away until the holiday comes! This alone can save much time (and money)! Also, you avoid the holiday crowds in the stores and malls. Accomplishing a few tasks at a time rather than doing it all at once can cut your stress level by a large amount. Stay organized and focused!
5. Use Your Computer To Shop And Send Greetings.
Take advantage of the technology sitting on your desk if you have a computer and you are online. One way to save time and energy is to do some of your shopping for gifts online! Most of the major gift and department stores have a web site, and most also have their catalog or many items in many categories online (with photos often) from which to choose. You can use credit cards using a secure server to protect your card number, or in many cases, you can pay by check, phone order or fax. Just about everything from CD’s and videos to toys, jewelry, clothing, computers and computer accessories, and personal items, are available to order online. Use any of the major search engines to find the store address if you do not know it. Virtual malls are also available through multiple sources. Additionally, you can use your computer to send virtual holiday cards, pictures, holiday newsletters, etc. to friends, business associates, and family online.
6. Help Others/Volunteer.
This is especially good for the person who lives alone or is all alone as far as family and friends. There are many opportunities for you to create your own sense of “community” by being with people who are also alone and in most instances, far worse off than you physically and financially and perhaps emotionally, as well. You can volunteer your time to work at a food bank or soup kitchen where a holiday dinner is served and prepared; go to a local church or shelter to help feed the homeless and the poor; whatever, just be creative and look for opportunities you can contribute. The more you give, the more you will get back in blessings and good feelings yourself. It may not happen the same day or all at once, but it will happen. When you see that the best gift you can give is yourself, your spirits will rise and be reinforced with a warmth and strength which is better and longer lasting than any gift or holiday party.
7. Practice Patience & Good Deeds,
Keep repeating to yourself when feeling rushed “I have plenty of time.” Hurrying is a struggle against time—that’s unhealthy. Adopt a more relaxed attitude. Let others in front of you in line (especially when they seem distressed), hold the door open for the person exiting with a handful of packages, give up the parking space, drop off something thoughtful to someone special to you just to show your appreciation & thankfulness, find the acts of kindness that make you feel good and do them repeatedly.
8. Sing, Hum, etc. (it doesn’t have to be out loud)
Experience the joys of the holiday season by hearing the music. Let the music help ease your tensions. Some suggestions: ‘Tis the season to be jolly (perfect if you’ve lost your sense of humor); Dashing through the Snow (helps you remember that although not everybody can dash through the snow, movement is absolutely essential to your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being); Making a list, checking it twice (Don’t expect your already overloaded mind to remember any more than your way home and the names of your immediate family members); you get the picture!
9. Exercise!!
Yes, that is right, even before the New Year’s resolutions! Having to park three miles away from any place peopled with shoppers gives you an excellent opportunity to squeeze in a little aerobic activity. Carrying your purchases back to that same location might be considered strength training. It’s amazing how many ways you can work in a workout. However, do more than the credit card wrist twist; the lugging of packages; the raising your arm to mouth and opening wide—do real cardiovascular exercises at least 3 times per week for 20 minutes or more. You’ll be amazed at all the extra energy you create!
10. Avoid Or Be Very Moderate With Alcohol, Sugary Foods, Caffeine
Most holiday gatherings include the sharing or offering of alcoholic beverages, coffee and cakes, cookies, etc. Since many people use alcohol, caffeine and sweets as a way to combat stress and even depression, it is wise to limit your intake if you wish to limit your stress. These items are only a temporary stress reducer. Keep in mind, the best stress reducers are laughter, listening to and/or singing music, helping others, being loved and sharing love, and for many, association with their church or faith through private or public ceremonies and events.
11. If Possible, Spend Holidays with Others (family, friends, neighbors, work colleagues, etc.).
The holiday season is a dreadful and lonely time for many. Spending the time alone will tend to add to the feelings of isolation and depression. If you have friends, relatives, etc. see if you can join them for a part of it. Whatever you can do to get the focus away from yourself and the past the better off you will be. While it is acceptable and healthy to remember events or lost loved ones on holidays, it need not be either a negative or the entire focus of the holiday for you.
12. And, most importantly…..Take Time for Yourself.
Unless your career responsibilities demand you return to work the day after a major holiday, take an extra day or two off to recoup your physical and emotional strength. Joyous times are every bit as stressful and draining as sad or unpleasant events. If you work for yourself and plan ahead to do it, take a day before and 2-3 days after a major holiday to catch up on sleep, clean up your house, and travel in a relaxed time frame.
We at N-R-G Coaching Associates wish you a wonderful holiday with Joy, Peace, Balance and Success in 2007!
Sincerely,
Coach Natalie
Boundary-Setting
Any woman reading this knows the difficulty we have in setting boundaries that honor us because we have been conditioned to take care of and nurture others so well. We do this quite naturally and usually with great pleasure. The problems arise when you feel resentful, angry, or frustrated about what you’re doing for others or what others are doing to you or around you.
Boundaries are imaginary lines that help you protect yourself both physically and emotionally. They keep other’s actions and behaviors from hurting, distracting, annoying, or imposing on you. External boundaries are limits you set on how others can treat you or behave around you. Internal boundaries involve your own thoughts and beliefs and the messages you send to yourself.
People treat you as you allow them to; however, you can actually teach others how to treat you based on how strong or weak your boundaries are. Having strong boundaries are important for protecting your body, mind, and spirit. Setting boundaries can make an enormous impact on the quality of your life. It is a major step in taking control of your life and vital for taking responsibility for your self and your life. It is the one skill that you most need to develop in order to create the kind of life you really want. However, it is often the area where most people seem to have the most difficulties.
Setting strong boundaries will help you stand up for yourself, stop agreeing to do things you really don’t want to do, and start feeling less guilty about putting your own needs first. It is a part of the process of defining yourself and what is acceptable to you. When you don’t have boundaries set other people will step over the line without even realizing where it is.
Boundary setting is not about getting other people to change (even though at first, it may seem that way). It is really about deciding what you will and won’t tolerate any longer in your life, and then communicating this firmly and consistently whenever you need to. Boundaries are essential to becoming a healthy adult and balancing your work and personal life effectively. They demonstrate your commitment to self-respect.
I have provided a number of presentations to women’s groups, organizations and associations about this topic. I have coached individual women and even a couple of men to help them gain awareness of where their boundaries were weak or existenttant and how to set and communicate boundaries. In groups of mothers, small business owners, and managers we’ve worked together and practiced boundary-setting.
It’s very powerful to you and people around you when you institute your boundaries and stand up for yourself. It feels great to get the respect you deserve! Feel free to contact me for a complimentary coaching session so that I can help you set or enforce a boundary to help you honor yourself more.
Good luck!
Warmly,
Coach Natalie
P.S. Forgot to mention my new workbook that has a number of exercises that take you through the 7 key principles for creating more joy, balance and success in your work, family and personal life. It’s not on my website yet, but it is available by special order. It retails for $19.95 plus shipping, handling ($4.50) and tax (1.20) for a total of $25.65. To order: send an email to natalie@superbusyparent.com with your name, mailing address, phone number and number requested.
Stop Helping Others at Your Own Expense
I attended a powerful networking meeting today for business women. We didn’t have an agenda or speaker scheduled for this meeting beings it was the first for this group. There were about 10 of us present. One woman who is the owner of a salon brought up an issue she has about separating herself from the problems that her patrons and employees share with her. She takes on their issues and sometimes dwells on them at her own expense of time and energy . Others’ problems become her problems.
Other women sitting around the table acknowledged the difficulty they too have with wanting to help everyone else and being overly sensitive to everybody else’s issues. What was clear for me is that this appears to be a common challenge for women. However, this isn’t working for her anymore; it’s costing her the price of her own well-being and it’s draining her.
I shared some inspirational words that seemed to make a difference for everyone in the group. I don’t remember what I said exactly though I recall acknowledging this woman for sharing something so personal to a group of women she just met. She took a risk to share her issue. She was vulnerable in that moment. It’s difficult for many of us, including myself, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable because we want people to see us as strong and successful.
By sharing something personal, this woman gained support. Everyone present either shared their own existing issues in this same area or talked about some things they have done to strengthen this area.
Awareness of a behavior or thought that is no longer working for you is always the first step to making any sort of change. Once we discussed how this really didn’t help anyone because it’s so draining, we began to brainstorm ways to create new intentions, boundaries, and strength to help us create healthier support systems. I’ve recognized 3 types of support systems: (1) those that drain us; (2) those that support us where we are; (3) and those that rocket or propel us forward. It’s important to convert the drainers to better relationships or start eliminating them from your life. Life is certainly too busy to surround yourself with people who pull you down or keep you stuck.
