Secrets from a Super Busy Working Mom (FT Work, PT School)
A client of mine was working full-time as a teacher’s aide after being downsized from her corporate job. She was contemplating returning to school for her teaching certification so that she could eventually have a regular teaching position. As she evaluated this option, there were many pro’s and con’s and other options that arose. After speaking with some teachers, a superintendent, some college admissions counselors, her family, and some close friends and extended family, she decided to pursue returning to school for her teaching certification.
She had a broad understanding of the challenges she’d face as a mom with 2 kids, a husband who works varied shifts, a home to take care of, a volunteer position at her church, and a full-time job. She received support and encouragement in advance from her husband for doing more at home and with the kids to allow for class time, commute time and study time. She also got a few neighbors and friends on-board from the beginning to help out, as needed, when the kids had somewhere to go but she would be at class and her husband would be working. She carved out a new schedule for her personal time that provided time for homework and studying. She re-hired the cleaning person she let go before the holidays. She continues getting her homework and projects done in advance—just in case there’s no time later!
When I asked her to share her strategies that have helped her so far in this transition, she said that compartmentalizing and asking for & accepting help was key. She also mentioned how important it was to allow her husband to do things differently than she does. Hopefully, her experience will motivate you to pursue a goal you’ve been putting off because it is possible! You just need to proactively and flexibly create the environment that works for you.
Find out how other super busy moms manage their life. Check out Blue Suit Mom http://http://www.bluesuitmom.com/career/findingbalance/ to read questions and answers from moms just like you!
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Safety Alert for Super Busy Parents
I heard from a friend who recently had a problem with her clothes dryer and I want to alert you about what she found out. It could save the lives of you, your family and your pets, as well as your home. Even though your life is super busy, it’s vital that you take the time to do some general maintenance to ensure that all of your appliances are in good running order.
My friend had called in a repair man because the heating unit went out on her dryer. As a mother of 3 boys at the start of soccer season, this was a real problem! As the repair man fixed things, he pulled out the lint filter. It was clean because my friend has the habit in place to clean the lint filter every time she empties the dryer. Although it appeared clean, there was an invisible unpermeating film that sat on top. He ran some hot water on it and it just sat on top of the mesh!
The repair man explained the dangers of this ‘common’ situation. As this film builds up it burns out the heating unit and dimishes the life of your dryer. It also causes dryer units to catch fire and potentially burn your house down with it.
Apparantely, the problem occurs from a buildup from dryer sheets. Although I don’t normally use dryer sheets, the advice is easy enough to follow, that I’ll do it anyway. This repair man recommended taking out your filter and washing it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every 6 months (more if you do many washes using dryer sheets). He said this will make the life of your dryer at least twice as long and help lower your electric/gas bill. Be sure to rinse all the soap residue and dry the lint screen completely before returning it to the dryer.
Time Management for Super Busy Parents
After blogging about time for self-care, I received feedback about how difficult it is to manage time so that there’s time for self-care. So, I went to one of the experts I know to get her advice. Carrie Greene (www.CarrieThru.com; Carrie@CarrieThru.com; 973.763.5504) is an ADHD coach. She realizes that everyone has issues with time management especially when life gets busy, priorities conflict and we over commit, but people with ADHD tend to have more trouble with time management then people without. For many people with ADHD time is not something that can be accurately estimated or judged. For super busy moms and dads, although you may not have ADHD (the neurobiological disorder) you may exhibit some attention deficit traits due to the overwhelming number of responsibilities in your life.
Whether you have ADHD or not, you will find that there are many benefits to being able to manage your time. When you are in control of your time you will find yourself more relaxed, you will be able to accomplish what you want to, know what tasks you need to do and be able to prioritize and not over commit yourself. Since many people with ADHD have so much trouble understanding time and truly can not internalize how time works, how can someone with ADHD ever expect to be on time?
Here are some strategies:
- Externalize time by creating visual, audible or tactile (sense of touch) cues.
- Use a SINGLE calendar, whatever kind you like and always carry it with you.
- Maintain a TASK list. It should include single actionable tasks not projects.
- Always wear a watch and hang up analog clocks in your office and home. Analog clocks show the passage of time as well as what time it is.
- Set your clocks accurately. If you insist on setting them ahead, make sure they are all set to the same time.
- Give yourself more time to perform a task then you expect it to take.
- Assume there will be traffic. Bring a book or something to do in case you are early.
- Schedule time with yourself to DO the projects on your list, don’t just write down due dates.
- Before you agree to take on a new task review what you have already committed to and decide if you can realistically add it to your load.
- Instead of allowing a project to take a certain amount of time from you, decide how much time you are willing to give it. Empower yourself to control your projects and your time!
Being in charge of your time is very powerful. What is one thing you can do today that will take you one step closer to getting there?
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Time for Yourself
In order to have uninterrupted time for yourself, you need to first believe that you deserve it and are capable of having it. In super busy lives, in order for time for yourself to occur, it must become a commitment that’s a priority in your life.
Uninterrupted time for yourself is of utmost importance to parents because of your vital role and responsibility to nurture your children. Taking care of yourself ultimately enables you to best care for your family and your work. It is important to nurture yourself regularly without feeling guilty.
One of the biggest obstacles to finding more time for yourself may be your own guilt! Time and making it a priority are the other two challenges that prevent super busy moms and dads to take time for themselves.
To be able to make time for things you want to be doing more of, it is important to know where your time is going and what is most important to you to be spending your time on. Sometimes, what we say is important isn’t exactly where we’re spending our time and energy. Spending time on yourself and on activities you enjoy is critical to keeping your life in balance, your stress level low, and the rest of your family happy. Maintaining inner harmony, peace, and joy will help increase your overall life satisfaction.
You will not be able to take care of everything or everyone else well—or, more important, enjoy your time with them—if you are feeling burnt out or resentful because your needs aren’t being met. Whether it’s reluctance to put yourself first (at least once in a while) or an inability to find the time to do it gets in the way, begin reclaiming your time and precious revitalization.
There are many valuable articles available at my site. Click here to view the Top Ten List for Utilizing Time more Efficiently. By optimizing your time, you can make time for the things that matter, including your self-care.
Warm regards,
Coach Natalie
Toolkit Coming!!
Wow, time sure flies. It’s been a while since I’ve been blogging because I’ve been focusing my time and energy on creating an awesome tool that SuperBusy parents like you can use to create more success, fulfillment and balance in your Work, Family and Personal Life. I’ll be looking for people to preview it for free and provide their feedback. If you’re interested, let me know! It will be a unique opportunity to help shape tools to help yourself and others like you.
Practice Patience
With so much busy-ness in life it’s often difficult to be patient. We’re pushing for more and for things to be faster and faster. I’ve been working on patience in my personal and professional lives. It has really helped me stay focused on the moment and more fully appreciate others.
In my coaching, I have remained quieter when I work with my individual clients. This allowed them to say more. We were able to go deeper. They experienced more ah-ha moments. They were able to discover their own answers. I ‘taught’ less.
In my business, I have trusted that new business will come. I have stopped pushing so hard to create opportunities. I am trusting the universe to supply what I need. What’s happened as a result is pretty amazing! I have been introduced to an agent/broker who is excited about offering my services when he meets with school systems. I have welcomed a new individual coaching client. I have been informed that someone in Austin, TX purchased 250 copies of my book. I have mailed out postcards to prospects without being attached to the outcome. I have several prospective opportunities for speaking and one-on-one clients.
At home, patience has been a real virtue! It has brought me more gratitude than I expected. It has helped me have healthier relationships with my husband, kids, and my extended family members.
I encourage you to practice patience in your own super busy life. See if it helps you gain more joy in the moment. Discover if it helps you connect deeper with those around you. Uncover the gratitude that can come from staying in the moment and being thankful for the opportunities right in front of you. Then, let me know how patience has showed up in your life by posting a reply here or sending me an email.
Patiently yours,
Coach Natalie
Remember Romance in Your SuperBusy Life
Keeping Love Alive!
by Sue Waldman, MA, LPC, CEC, Counselor
Men and Women often struggle with keeping love alive. There is always hope that other person and the relationship will change. Regrettable, the energy once invested in the beginning of the relationship diminishes significantly leading one or both partners feeling disconnected from one another. Rather than creating joy and alive-ness together, couples are merely co-existing with one another. What is needed for the relationship to grow is vision and intention. It is then possible for each partner to shift from a position of self-absorbtion to EMPATHY, from blame to OWNERSHIP, and from being a source of pain to creating SAFETY,COMFORT and ACCEPTANCE. This process involves exceedingly clear communication. Knowledge, understanding and compassion for the other’s world not only strengthens a couple’s connection but also opens up new and more expansive possibilities as more of the world is experienced.
Most couples who are struggling to stay together, think that for things to improve, extraordinary changes, if not a miracle, have to take place. Most of us are conditioned to believe that these changes need to be made by our partner, not ourselves. But we often don’t realize that we have no control over our partner’s behavior.
As a result, we develop a sense of hopelessness and helplessness about the relationship. “If only he or she would change, everything would be wonderful”–or at least this is what we delude ourselves to think. The breakthrough comes when we realize that by making small changes in ourselves, we can inspire huge, positive changes resulting in feeling more optimistic, hopeful and open to our partners.
Couples can learn to fine-tune and develop skills so they can effectively and lovingly navigate the challenging relational waters. Romance can be renewed and love can be celebrated. Getting there is not always easy. Without a compass or a roadmap, it is difficult for couples to find their way. Professional Counseling can help. Contact Advanced Counseling & Coaching Services for a complimentary phone consultation at (973) 857-9090.
Tips to get Closer
THOUGHTFUL acts of KINDNESS
* compliment your partner on how s/he looks * give your partner a hug * gently touch your partner when s/he walks past you * Surprise her or him with an impromptu at-work lunch picnic * Do that one chore that your partner has been avoiding- take his/her car to get inspected
THINK OUT OF THE BOX * plan the perfect getaway in your home town -somewhere you have never been * Spend a few minutes in the morning recalling & sharing your dreams. * Rather than watching T.V together, go to a park and watch the birds or children play * Have fun with your camera- imagine creating your own erotic magazine * Role-Play your favorite movie stars
LAUGH AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE * Tell each other funny jokes- try to make them up yourself * Go to a funny movie together wearing your PJ’s * Play an April 1 joke on March 1 * Write a funny love story and act it out * Laugh…it is contagious
COMMUNICATE FROM YOUR HEART NOT YOUR MIND * Listen, Listen and Listen * Express your feelings in a constructive manner * Delete the button for gripes, criticism and annoyances * Ask yourself, “Is it helpful to be right or to be happy?” * Compromise RE-
INVENT ROMANCE * Remember when you first met…Do it again * Play with essential oils, especially rose oil * Experience abandon..do something you have never done * Dine at the most Romantic restaurant and feed each other * Take the longest, hottest bubble bath together Remember every day is Valentine’s Day! Most importantly, demonstrate your love for one another by being impeccable with your word. Be it, Breathe it and live it.
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Sue Waldman, MA, LPC, CEC is a licensed psychotherapist, certified Grief Recovery Specialist, Energy Healer and an iPEC Certified Life Coach working privately in New Jersey and New York City. Her specialty encompasses grief and loss, spiritual and personal development, forgiveness and love. Sue is available for training, teaching engagements, workshops, retreats, and telephone sessions. Contact Sue at Advanced Counseling & Coaching Services at (973) 857-9090 or email her at suewaldman@coachingtolove.com.
Growing Relationships
Wow, I’ve known my husband 23 years! Although we’ve only been married for the last 16 of them, I can’t believe how long we’ve been together. We’ve survived the up’s and down’s, the laughter, joys, and deaths of some of our loved ones. Through it all, we’ve grown stronger as a couple. I think this is pretty amazing!
When I was going through the tests and uncertainty with my health, he said something about how we’ll get through it together because we have the history of getting through other things. This gave me strength and a positive state of being.
When I spoke with a friend today who also has a Super Busy life, with 2 daughters, a nursing career, a husband, 2 homes, a dog, and more, she shared my sentiments about how a relationship can grow through the toughest situations. We recognized how our husbands were more private with their feelings than we are. How our husbands reach out for support in different ways than we do. It is a fact that men and women are different, we communicate differently and often respond in different ways, too. However, neither is wrong! It’s important to recognize the differences and honor them rather than look for ways to change either partner.
Life is too busy to have an adveserial relationship with your spouse. Coming from a foundation of love provides more strength to deal with the day-to-day life happenings. And for those of you reading this who are single, divorced, or widowed, building relationships with others will provide support and encouragement. Sometimes being without someone is a choice and other times it’s a situation but regardless, you always have other people that are there if you invite them and allow them to be.
Be sure to subscribe to my free bi-weekly e-newsletter to automatically receive tips to help you create more success, joy and balance in your super busy life! Go to my website to subscribe.
Yours truly,
Coach Natalie
Being a Mom (a tribute I received in my email)
Below you’ll find another tribute I received that’s perfect for Super Busy Moms to reflect on to help increase your appreciation of all you do and who you are. Unfortunately, I don’t know who the original author is so I can’t provide proper credit to that incredible person!
Being A Mom-Most Beautiful!
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that sheand her husband are thinking of “starting a family.”
“We’re taking a survey,” she says half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?”
“It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
“I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations.”
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, “What if that had been MY child?”That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her! That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of “Mom!”will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honour. My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.”You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter’s hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms.
May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.
Check out more free articles for Super Busy Moms!
Warm regards,
Coach Natalie
A story from a friend about facing adversity
Below you’ll find a story every Super Busy Mom will probably relate to. Read on and let me know what you think by responding with your comments in this BLOG.
Carrot, Egg and Coffee…
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again…A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.” Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?” Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.
When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?
How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Coach Natalie can help you be coffee instead of carrots or eggs. Call for a complimentary coaching session!
Warm regards,
Coach Natalie
