Greeting Card Saga
Years ago when I became a mom for the first time it seemed everyone wanted to hear about the newest addition to our family and see pictures of him (so I thought!!!). So, I began writing and sending an annual holiday newsletter with pictures, letters and photos that evolved over the years to include separate columns for every member of the family (with my kids eventually writing their own with much coaxing!).
Sending out these newsletters was on the top of the list of priorities for a dozen years that I could remember. The planning would begin months in advance. The list of recipients grew to include not only close friends and family but business colleagues, associates and clients. Most people expressed joy in receiving it and looked forward to getting their annual update and greetings from us. Several joked about how I must have had too much free time or that I falesly believed that people really cared about what my kids were doing, how they were doing at school and what my husband and I were doing in our careers and personal lives.
But after carefully crafting the newsletter for over a decade, I finally came to the difficult conclusion that it wasn’t a priority anymore. That year, I reluctantly sent out one of those picture cards of the family. The next year, another photo greeting card. The following year, a store-bought card with a hand-written note and a separate family photo. Then, last year, a card with no photo…just a signature!
This year, I wasn’t even going to send out cards! I reflected on how important cards (and newsletters) were to me over the years and how they lost their importance in the busyness of life. I chose a reactive method of sending out holiday greetings in response to those I received and didn’t send any out in addition.
So, as the saga continues, next year as my eldest finishes high school and my youngest begins, I will again revisit the holiday greeting card ritual to evalutate the importance of the tradition, possible alternatives, and then decide what 2012 brings.
What holiday traditions are most important to you?
Have these holiday traditions held the same level of importance over the years? If not, how have they changed?
What new traditions have you put in place in recent years?
What traditions have you eliminated?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!! Share your thoughts and answers to these questions in the comments section below. And…don’t be checking your mailbox for a holiday greeting card from me this year, unless you sent me one first!
Happy Holidays to all and to all a healthy and successful New Year!
Restore Balance
With an added flurry of activities to complete in preparation for the holiday season, it’s vitally important that you continually and consciously restore your sense of balance.
Here are a few places to start:
- Set Realistic Goals – Establish goals for yourself based on your key priorities. For example, if being physically fit is highly important to you, then create an exercise plan and schedule time daily to honor it. Be sure your goals are positively-based (e.g., to be strong and healthy) vs. negatively-based (e.g., to lose 30 pounts). Avoid being all things to all people!
- Minimize the Clutter – Unfortunately, most of us have clutter some where in our lives, either in our office, our car, at home, or in our head! Manage that clutter so that it doesn’t accumulate. Filter what comes in to your spaces. Being in a clean, clutter-free zone will provide you with a sense of peace and the feeling of having some control over at least part of your environment.
- Detach regularly – Allow yourself some time to disconnect from the demands of work. Avoid checking email, texts, instant messages at least every once in a while to give yourself a break and to differentiate the important from the urgent.
- Set stronger boundaries – One of the most important things you can do to preserve your health and well-being while minimizing stress and overwhelm is to say “no” to demands placed upon you. Realize that you don’t need to accept every invitiation, assignment, project, etc. offered to you.
- Ask for help – Rather than suffering in silence, anger or frustration speak up and ask for help. Very often, famiy members, friends, neighbors or co-workers would be thrilled to help if they only knew you needed it. Anticipate whenever possible, so that you have help readily available before you have a meltdown!
On HIGH Alert
When we’re in new situations, most of us either consciously or subconsciously go into a high alert status. We’re more aware of our surroundings and cautious to protect ourselves.
As I walked my dog this morning, I chose a different path than ordinarily because I had a little more time and wanted to explore a bit further. When I noticed a loose totally unsupervised German Shepherd dog just ahead several houses from where I was, I immediately took precaution and ducked down a nearby street before either dog saw each other.
Surprisingly, I found a paved path behind the homes with a nice wooded area to my left. Most of the homes had fenced in yards so this looked like a safe alternative. As I walked down that path, I was startled to see a group of seven white-tailed deer bedded down under a large tree. You’d think they would be on high-alert and run away but instead they watched me and my dog gracefully stroll by. Wow, what a beautiful sight! (Wish I had my cell phone or camera with me!)
I started becoming more alert to my surroundings, both to enjoy nature and to insure our safety. I noticed several other loose dogs, a large man walking towards us (I crossed the street to walk on the other side of the road!), a friend pass by in his car and wave, and I heard an approaching motorcycle and a speeding car coming towards us. It’s amazing how much more alert I was, when I was conscious of this action!
I wonder, how often any of us get so caught up in what we’re doing, go through the motions with routine tasks, or use music or conversations to enhance what we’re doing. What do we miss when we’re not alert to our surroundings?
Especially when you’re in a new situation—a new job, new work/project team, a new route, a networking event—you can raise your awareness and be more observant. Use your eyes to see what’s happening around you (and what’s not!); use your ears to listen to conversations, sounds, and the silence; watch body language and notice the aromas in the air. Use all of your senses to zone in to everything happening around you! Listen and observe at least twice as much as you talk! Use your senses to monitor the situations around you so that you can more consciously choose the best way to respond.
Adapt
While in Atlantic City, NJ with my daughter’s dance team this past week, our hotel and several other places in the area suffered from mechanical problems that effected the air conditioning. We were on the 26th floor with no air conditioning. Our room must have been over 90 degrees. It was awful!
The air died Wednesday night in the middle of the night. We woke up sweating profusely. After cold showers and an elevator ride downstairs to the lobby, we learned about the problem. However, the girls needed to be dressed with their makeup on ready for pictures and performances, so we adapted. Unfortunately, the hall where they were having the competition didn’t have air either. There was a nice breeze outside on the boardwalk coming off the ocean though.
The producers of the competition, STARBOUND, moved the final showcase to another hotel that had air conditioning. They had a fundraising banquet at yet a different hotel. They adapted to the situation and focused on helping the kids perform at their best while keeping the parents comfortable.
Yes, we were all hot and uncomfortable all day Thursday. It got so bad that our hotel closed on Friday and wasn’t planning on re-opening until Sunday. We checked out by noon on Friday and decided to drive home late Friday night after the final showcase. Again, we adapted! We negotiated with the hotel manager and the hotel comp’d us for both nights we stayed (not paying for our room, did make it somewhat better for what we endured!)
The dance team performed at their best. We won 1st place in large production, 2nd place in Junior groups and had several other noteworthy accomplishments with our soloists, duets and Senior groups. (I lost track of all the awards!!) Although the girls got less sleep and had to tolerate no air on Thursday, they adapted, and did what they had to do. They brought so much energy, enthusiasm and passion to their performance!
My sincere congratulations goes out to all the dancers, the teachers, parents and our owner (Tom). They rocked the stage and we’re all very proud of their accomplishments in Atlantic City!
How many times in your life have you adapted? How has flexibility helped you? How were you able to negotiate so that you made the best out of a situation and felt better about the final outcome?
How can you turn a negative experience around and make in positive?
Turn it OFF!
That’s right…turn off your cell phone, pager, PDA and other electronic communication devices for the next 60 minutes! Don’t just put them on vibrate or silent mode but turn them off (as if the battery died). During this period, fully concentrate on whatever task you have at hand. Give yourself the opportunity to perform at your best! Although you may feel some anxiety (or withdrawal) see how it affects your productivity. Let me know the difference!!
How Confident are You?
Many ambitious high achieving professionals fear that they are not really as bright and capable as others tend to think they are. As they climb the career ladder they have apprehension and self-doubt. Although they have accomplishments, they tend to attribute these achievements to luck. All this weighs heavily on an already full plate.
Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!
The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard. The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!
Don’t allow it! Contact The Priority Pro for help stepping into your greatness! Be as bright and capable as others already believe you are!
Happy Summer!
Today is officially the first day of summer. For some, it may have felt that summer started weeks ago when your kids ended their school year or when the days were longer and hotter. With temperatures peaking in the 90’s today and bright sunshine, it will definitely feel like summer here in NJ, although the kids don’t finish their school year until Wednesday!
As each new season comes and goes, many of my clients use it as a time for self-reflection and renewal. They check-in with their goals to see if they are on track. They commit to achieving new goals for the second half of the year.
- Are you on track with your goals?
- What are your priorities this summer?
- How will you be sure to stay focused on achieving what’s most important?
- What obstacles may prevent you from achieving what you what you want to?
- How can you plan on avoiding them?
- What will you do to gain some enjoyment from this more relaxed time of the year?
As a professionally trained and internationally certified coach, I work with business leaders to help insure their personal and professional success. I offer training, keynote presentations, and seminars to support each individual and the organization as a whole to achieve your goals. Contact me to discuss your needs!
How Confident are YOU?
Many ambitious high achieving professionals fear that they are not really as bright and capable as others tend to think they are. As they climb the career ladder they have apprehension and self-doubt. Although they have accomplishments, they tend to attribute these achievements to luck. All this weighs heavily on an already full plate.
Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!
The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard. The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!
If you’re one of the many, here are some more effective strategies:
- Be aware of the phenomenon.
- Make a list of the situations in which the feelings are likely to strike.
- Take an objective inventory of your accomplishments and skills.
- Stop being such a perfectionist! Allow yourself to make some mistakes and learn from them.
- Keep track of praise and compliments you receive; accept it the external validation!
- Disown your failures and stop blaming yourself for setbacks that are out of your control.
- Talk to others you admire about their worries about their own achievements.
- Set a modest goal for confronting this fear and think up a couple of steps you can take in the next month toward reaching it.
- Break frightening tasks into several parts. If possible, start with the easiest part.
- Separate feelings from reality.
- Gain experience, education, and training.
- Develop relationships with mentors.
- Be selective about the drive to prove yourself. Do a great job when it matters most. Don’t persevere over routine tasks.
- Ask for and allow help from others
- Recognize that everyone who does something new, takes risks, or stretches outside their comfort zone feels off-base at the beginning
- Stop expecting to know everything
For more information about the Imposter Syndrome, visit:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200907/the-imposter-syndrome
http://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/the-impostor-syndrome-when-fear-blocks-success.html
To take the quiz to see if you’re suffering from the Imposter Syndrome, click here: http://impostorsyndrome.com/quiz.htm
Flip your BUT
Most of us encounter obstacles on the road to achieving our goals. Through several experiences of working with my coaching clients and continuous learning opportunities, I have learned to turn these obstacles into stepping stones. If you’d like to learn how to turn problems and challenges into progress too, read on!
The first and probably most important point is that examining the problem in-depth rarely works because instead of focusing on solutions, you’re caught analyzing or dissecting the problem. Once you clearly identify the problem, increase your ability to make wise decisions by flipping over that obstacle to see what opportunities are available beyond it. If you remain caught up in looking at the problem, it will expand in your reality and you won’t be able to reach your goals. You’ll become either a victim who complains about the problem but doesn’t take any concrete steps to change the situation, or a quitter who gives up on the original goal and chooses a different path to pursue.
So, as you come across obstacles along the path to your goals, reflect on the hidden meaning of what it may be trying to tell you. Often, hidden within the pain of your problem are the seeds of what you really want. Clearly define what you’re hoping to achieve; redefine your goal. Be aware of the “buts” and flip them into “ands”.
Several years ago I had the fortuitous experience to work with some masterful coaches at a coach training school. I learned the technique of “flipping” my but and I’ve used it successfully myself, with audiences and with individual coaching clients. For example, if your goal is to get a new car BUT you can’t afford it, and you flip the “but” to an “AND” you’d be saying something like, “I want a new care AND I want to be able to easily afford the payments”. The sentence started with your goal to get a new car but ended abruptly at the BUT. It’s set up a conflict that cannot be resolved as long as the two things are seen as mutually exclusive.
Here’s another example…”I want to make more money, BUT I don’t want to work 60-80 hours a week”. If you flip the second half of this statement and combine it with the goal in the first part, you’ll end up with a powerful new goal such as, “I want to make more money AND work just 40 hours a week”. When you do this, you stop negating your goals, and start creating exactly what you want.
Do this exercise with one of your current goals. Fill in the blanks as indicated:
I want _____________________________________ BUT _______________________.
(your goal) (the obstacle)
Then, turn the “but” into an “and” below:
I want ______________________________________ AND ______________________.
(your goal) (your goal)
Once you’ve stated your new more powerful goal, start asking yourself questions like, “How can I get a great new car with payments I can afford?” or “How can I increase my salary while working while working less and earning more?” Keep asking these questions and other empowering questions so that you can engage both your conscious and your subconscious minds working towards finding solutions for you. This simple process of flipping the but works similarly when you have conflicting priorities. For example, “I want to attend the professional association meeting this evening but I promised my son that I’d attend his track meet”. When flipping the “but” to an “and”, I searched for an alternative or a solution that would allow me to do both and as a result I planned on dialing into the meeting and listening to the speaker while I watched my son run track.
Often when clients get this far in the process of achieving their goals, they let fear immobilize them. However, now that you’ve developed some empowering questions to move you toward your goal, the key is to get into action. Action is the perfect antidote for fear. As you take steps towards your goal, you can keep using this process as the evil “BUT” monster shows up. The fear of change, even positive change, can keep you stuck or push you back into victim or quitter mode. Feeling like you are stuck, or have no alternatives, dis-empowers you to achieve your goals.
Determine your goal and what’s stopping you so that you can flip that “BUT” to an “AND” and move yourself through empowering questions into deliberate action toward achieving your goals. If you feel you can’t do it alone, contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com or call 908-281-7098 and I’ll be happy to explore how working with me as your coach can help you achieve your desired goals. With over a decade of experience and tangible results, let me help you attain your goals!
Overcome Guilt
Is guilt getting the best of you???
Guilt…it’s all around us! Wherever I go, I hear someone complaining about “feeling guilty”. For some reason though, this seems to be more widespread with women than with men. Women are guilty for not spending enough time with their children, their girlfriends, their spouse or their extended families, neighbors, and community; their guilty for not providing healthy meals; their guilty for how they look, what they eat, what they do or don’t do; they’re guilty for not exercising; they’re guilty for spending too much; and so much more!
What are we doing to ourselves??
Why are we trying to be everything to everyone…setting unrealistic expectations…and then beating ourselves up for not meeting these standards?
Interestingly, in an article in the June/July issue of Working Mother magazine, they reveal results of a poll they conducted. They found that 57% of respondents feel guilty every day, while 31% feel guilty at least once a week. That’s a lot of guilt!
I used to carry a lot of guilt with me. Fortunately, throughout the years of working with others to help them be more focused and aligned with their top priorities, making a lot of my own mistakes, and maturing enough to be confident about who I am, I’ve been able to make more conscious decisions and feel less guilty. I’ve also learned more healthy strategies such as working out, keeping things in perspective, and simply getting over it. Sometimes, journaling, talking with my coach or a friend I can confide in will also help me through those negative feelings.
If you get caught up in the negative cycle of thoughts commonly associated with guilt, it can be very destructive.
So, I’m really curious, how do you cope with guilt? What causes you guilt? And, to help all of us realize that we’re not alone, what’s your guilt confession? (Tell me yours…and I’ll tell you mine!)
Please comment below! And, if you want to learn more techniques for handling your guilt, visit my site for a free article about the Top Guilt Busters or contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com to arrange an introductory coaching session. I’ll also be blogging about guilt
