How Hungry are YOU?
After posting about needs and hungers last week, a number of people contacted me asking for more information. The important thing to note is that there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to feed your hungers; hungers are not necessarily BAD. Hungers may often masquerade as one of your highest ideals, values or desires. Some of your hungers may be very easily satisfied while others may return routinely, thus, creating a constant theme in your life.
Hungers operate at different intensities. Knowing the level a particular hunger is driving you, will be helpful in finding the most healthful ways of feeding it.
For example, if you are starving/famished you are likely deprived of a key component necessary for life. If your hunger is at this high level of intensity, chances are that you may need professional therapy to intervene because at this level there is a sense of desperation. You must have and will do anything to feed the need.
The next level of intensity, craving, exhibits a high demand and/or begging. At this level, there is still some level of danger that may benefit by professional therapy because one may do many things to get this hunger met, including (but not limited to) sacrificing your own integrity. If you do not feel at a level of choice, seek professional help!
The next three levels are less intense and may be able to be resolved with the help of a trained coach or perhaps on your own through your personal support network. At the Hungry level you must have it, if not immediately than relatively soon; the hunger is somewhat under control but on the verge of taking over your life. The Longing For level is an experience of regular and continual absence of the need because you have grown so accustomed to it not being fed. The danger here is that it is still there, in the background, and can easily intensify once allowed the presence of that need. Lastly, Having an Appetite For, is a healthier place of preference and some choice. It is the beginning of noticing that there is a deficiency. If you were to notice it at this low level and take some immediate action to take care of the feeding the need, then the other, more intense levels are short-circuited.
At the lowest level, a hunger is a mere whisper. You can usually avoid the compulsive, out of control feelings of the more intense levels just by simply recognizing the need and giving it a nugget or morsel to feed on.
Think about the emotional hungers you long for…do you have the need to feel safe, feel valuable?; to be right, to be appreciated?; to receive respect or love? If so, these are just some of the hungers I have worked on with my clients to help them find healthful ways to resolve in their life.
Make Romance a Priority
Romance, in these superbusy(tm) times may need to be a planned event rather than a spontaneous happening. Either planned or spontaneous, here are some simple romantic ideas for little or no money:
1. Write a love note by email, on the mirror, on the kitchen table, etc.
2. Send a greeting card (email or regular mail).
3. Give a warm embracing hug.
4. Give a passionate affectionate kiss.
5. Meet for lunch.
6. Picnic on your living room floor.
7. Kiss hello, kiss goodbye.
8. Take a bubble bath or shower together.
9. Make focused time for each other.
10. And, talk to each other…communicate regularly!
Workforce Reductions
The work place is changing rapidly! Reductions in the workforce are dangerously leading to increased work overload. Fear is permeating the work environment as survivors are concerned about being axed next. Businesses are in danger of failing if leaders are not able to successfully quell employee anxieties, stress, disengagement and burnout.
One of my coaching clients shared with me that it is rumored that her employer will be undergoing major cutbacks in the upcoming months. Although nothing has formally been announced, employees are communicating informally, through the grapevine. They have been told that they will no longer be able to telecommute, as well. The assumption is that they want them all to be at the office location so that it’s easier to lay people off and escort them out.
How organizational change is managed and communicated is essential to operating the ongoing business. The most successful businesses engage employees in the process and keep them informed about the status of things.
Employees naturally fear the unknown and react heavily to speculation and negative rumors. When employees feel threatened, their daily working lives are effected as energy is expended on fear and worry rather than achieving business results. Employees may quickly become paranoid and distrusting. If communication is not done in a timely fashion, by the time employees hear the news, productivity has already taken a downturn.
In contrast, necessary layoffs are understood if clear, honest, compassionate information is conveyed, adequate notice is given, outplacement assistance is provided, and fair severance packages are offered, and if those who are to be retained are assured of the security of their jobs and given assistance in adapting to change.
Exemplary Leading During Tough Times
In times of economic slowdown and crises, leadership skills are more important than ever!! According to Ronald Heifetz, director of the Leadership Education Project at Harvard University’s John F. Kennedy School of Government, “…the strongest leaders take the courage to face reality, the humility to admit when they don’t have all the answers, and the commitment to make changes. The new role is to help people face reality and to mobilize them to make changes.”
Many companies are already enduring a global economic downturn and an uncertain future. Markets are shifting their priorities causing some delay in purchasing decisions or cancelation of orders. Productivity is suffering mostly due to waning focus and motivation of the workforce. And, busines leaders are faced with similar emotions and anxieties that everyone else has.
Here are a few suggested strategies to help you navigate as a strong and successful leader during these troubled times:
1. Stay focused
Being alert and attentive is important. Leaders need to be a role model that helps employees align with the company’s vision, mission and values. Leaders need to help keep everyone be engaged and ease their tension and anxieties by providing direction, vision, stability and support.
2. Communicate often
Employees need to feel connected to their leaders. Honest, straight-forward, consistent and frequent communication is important and helps diminish the rumors that fly in the face of fear and uncertainty. Leaders must provide the workforce with progress reports and keep them informed.
3. Motivate your workforce
Although it may be difficult during extreme and intense times, leaders must keep the workforce motivated, energized and committed. Help your employees take personal responsibility and accountability for helping the company succeed.
4. Prepare for the future
Prepare for a healthy and prosperous future. Re-position customer service and commitment to quality. Serve your customers well. Help keep the company in a healthy position to survive troubled times. Continue investing in on-going learning that can be applied to making things better now and in the future. Provide coaching, training and mentoring to help develop your employees.
6. Benchmark against the best
It’s hard to say which companies will do best in the future. Many companies are faltering. Mergers and acquisitions are commonplace. Be aware of what your competitors are doing and how they are performing. Learn from their mistakes. Savor in the opportunities to learn from the best and capatalize on their experiences. Proactively look for areas that can be improved in your organization.
Don’t take a wait-and-see attitude but instead pursue long-term prosperity and growth and control what you can!
Communication Technology Distractions
Text messages, instant messaging and online chat (which is frequently being used in some work environments as a communication tool) are often over-used; some are in the form of pop-up boxes that immediately open when the message arrives. The Internet and the ease to search for hours on end is a frequent offender both at home and at work. The best way to manage these is to prevent them in the first place. Managing expectations in an age of instant access is a challenge but possible with clear indications of when and how these will be handled.
Telephone calls are another big distraction in our lives. When focusing on the task-at-hand, most people feel the need to pick-up the ringing phone whether it’s the cell phone or standard office line. Calls can come from coworkers, customers, patients, your boss, and family, friends and personal service providers (e.g., doctor, lawyer, accountant, auto mechanic, real estate agent). It’s easy to say “just don’t answer the phone” or “turn the ringer off” during focus times, it’s another thing to put this into practice. As long as your caller has an opportunity to leave a voice message, they will do so and you can call back at a more convenient time.
How do you protect your time and the 24/7 availability?
A Secret for Self Control
Often, when I am presenting a workshop or keynote presentation or when I am working with individual coaching clients, a distinction comes up that immediately and more effectively helps everyone better manage their workload, stress level, and building healthier relationships. This distinction is respond vs. react.
When we react, we act impulsively; responding to a stimulus, often without thinking. However, when we respond, we pause, reflect, think about possible consequences to our actions, and choose a more favorable reply or action.
For example, Catherine’s daughter spilled her milk by accident. Catherine’s initial reaction was to yell and scream at her but when she paused she kept things in perspective and provided her daughter with some towels to clean up the mess without damaging words, threats, or accusations. Her daughter apologized, cleaned up the mess the best she could, and promised to be more careful the next time. In past situations, when Catherine yelled and screamed, her daughter cried, the situation escalated and Catherine said many things she later regretted. Catherine ended up sending her daughter to her room while Catherine cleaned up the spilt milk on her own.
In another situation, Bill (who was already overloaded with projects at work) was given yet another project with a tight deadline. Although he normally reacted by taking on the project and walking away angry and frustrated and then working round the clock to get things done, instead he chose to respond and ask more questions about the project and where it fit in with everything else he was already doing. His boss helped him prioritize this new project with everything else already on his plate. He gave some of the more menial tasks to someone else so that he could concentrate on the higher level skills needed to get the project moving. They negotiated the timeline and made it more reasonable.
Reacting to a situation vs. responding…you choose what works for you! Practice responding to experience this higher level of self control.
Generational Differences at Work
I conducted a series of three presentations: Effective Time Management, Balancing Work and Personal Life & Communication Skills seminars for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. They were a great group of people! The audience was mixed, mostly women between 20′s-60′s. The issues were clearly different.
To help them better understand the uniquenesses of the generations, I had them break into groups and list the strengths and weaknesses they see in their generation. We brainstormed these lists, allowing other generations to add to the lists for the each group…Traditionalists (born between 1920-1945); Baby Boomers (born between 1946-1964); Generation X (born between 1965 – 1981); and, Generation Y (born between 1982-2000). Then, we added some strategies for communicating better with people from different generations in the workplace.
Understanding differences and discussing them brought a rich appreciation that will help interactions both at work and home. Don’t be too busy to appreciate the strengths others around you bring to the workplace. Appreciate the wisdom and experience the traditionalists normally bring and the tech savvy-ness of Generation Y. Together every generation can learn from each other and build stronger relationships.
What can you appreciate more about someone in your life from a different generation?
Seize the Day!
In last week’s e-newsletter, Coach Natalie encourages readers to “stop waiting for someday to come to start enjoying your life to the fullest”.
Too often people think the they’ll be happy when “they win the lottery”, “find Mr. Right” “lose 30 pounds”, or “get a promotion”. Unfortunately, this thinking doesn’t allow you to truly enjoy the here and now. Waiting until someday (that may never come) to be happy blocks much of the happiness and joy you could be experiencing in the present. For example, paying off a credit card bill or enjoying time with your girlfriends let’s you more fully enjoy the reality of where you are. Limit spending and enjoy shopping wisely. Enjoy the freedom of not being strapped down.
Shifting your perspective helps you look at your current situation in new ways. Having a positive attitude about what is allows the possibility for more joy. Cherish everything in your day that contributes to your happiness, whether it’s your child’s smile; completing an assignment at work on time; getting to work without traffic; having friends and family who love you.
To receive our FREE e-newsletter, “Success Tips for Super Busy Parents” simply send a blank message to superbusyparent-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Twice monthly you’ll recieve a tip to help create more balance and success in your personal and work life.
Secrets of the Happiest and Most Successful
Did you know…a new survey by American Express and Best Life Magazine reported that men increasingly are defining success by their family’s health and happiness, work/life balance, and time they spend having fun. Overall, the survey, conducted by the Harrison Group, found that:
* Only 10 percent of affluent men in America consider themselves both happy and very successful.
* The other 90 percent feel they have reached some levels of success and happiness but are still striving to make gains in their personal lives and careers to reach the same top level of life satisfaction.
* Nearly all of the men (95 percent) believe that to be successful, a man must achieve work/life balance.
* Only one out of four men will take a sick day to enjoy their personal interests.
Best Life Magazine (the fastest-growing men’s magazine in the country and the very first men’s magazine to provide topical and compelling editorial that addresses family, marriage and fatherhood)also outlines the secrets of the 10 percent of men who are extremely happy and super successful. Some characteristics that set them apart: The ability to have fun, having clearly defined goals and navigating change well.
I’m curious…what do you think of these results? Do they ring true for you?
Effective Ways to Lessen Holiday Stress
Holidays are typically one of the most stressful times of the year for most people. Although it is a joyous and happy and spiritually-based day or time period for many, it is often comprised of frantic activities, shopping and feasting marathons, as well as, an increase in both stress and illness levels. For super busy parent, the holiday time is usually an increasingly busy time. The following tips can help diminish the stress and avert accompanying low energy levels that may lead to greater susceptibility to illness, feeling blue, fatigue, irritability, and generally a negative holiday experience.
1. Determine Your Priorities.
Manage your time rather than letting it manage you. Decide what your priorities are regarding holiday events such as parties, family functions, gift buying, cooking, and all other related activities. Put them in order of priority and give yourself ample time for each thing. DO NOT wait until the last minute unless absolutely necessary, or it will be hard for you to not feel pressure and stress.
2. Define Your Limits.
Learn when & how to say NO so that when you say it you mean it. You only have so many days and hours to squeeze in family, friends, business get-togethers, gift buying, food preparation, gift wrapping, traveling, packing, etc. If you have extra time and the desire to help others, fine. However, make sure you have completed or scheduled what is most important to you first. Others can cross your boundaries if you allow them. Remember that you do not have to attend every party or event you’re invited to and if you’re not feeling up to it, you may politely cancel. There is also no need to take on everything yourself, holidays are a time to enjoy, ask for help when you need it!
3. Accept Your Limitations.
For many, this is tough to do, since we often want to do all kinds of things on a holiday and don’t realize how much time and energy it will take from us in the end. Think about what you really have to do, and really want to do. Then, think about what you realistically have adequate time and energy to do. Give up unrealistic expectations. Follow those guidelines and you will perhaps do less and not see as many people, write as many holiday cards, or cook as many cookies or pies, but you will be much less stressed and enjoy the holidays considerably more. Simple concept. Put it on paper and stick to it.
4. Pace Yourself.
Prepare for events in stages. Save and re-use your recipes and shopping lists from year-to-year because traditional holiday dinners vary little. If you are going to be cooking for a large group on one or more occasions, shop early, and prepare what you can in advance, whether it is the day before or the night before. Many types of casseroles, baked goods and snacks can be made 1-2 days prior and kept fresh in a freezer or refrigerator in sealed containers or their own cooking dish. If you have 100 cards to be addressed and mailed, block off 15-30 minutes every day to work on them starting 2-3 weeks before they need to be mailed. Or, better yet, create a mailing list with labels you use annually. Look for possible gift ideas throughout the year, purchase items on sale and put them away until the holiday comes! This alone can save much time (and money)! Also, you avoid the holiday crowds in the stores and malls. Accomplishing a few tasks at a time rather than doing it all at once can cut your stress level by a large amount. Stay organized and focused!
5. Use Your Computer To Shop And Send Greetings.
Take advantage of the technology sitting on your desk if you have a computer and you are online. One way to save time and energy is to do some of your shopping for gifts online! Most of the major gift and department stores have a web site, and most also have their catalog or many items in many categories online (with photos often) from which to choose. You can use credit cards using a secure server to protect your card number, or in many cases, you can pay by check, phone order or fax. Just about everything from CD’s and videos to toys, jewelry, clothing, computers and computer accessories, and personal items, are available to order online. Use any of the major search engines to find the store address if you do not know it. Virtual malls are also available through multiple sources. Additionally, you can use your computer to send virtual holiday cards, pictures, holiday newsletters, etc. to friends, business associates, and family online.
6. Help Others/Volunteer.
This is especially good for the person who lives alone or is all alone as far as family and friends. There are many opportunities for you to create your own sense of “community” by being with people who are also alone and in most instances, far worse off than you physically and financially and perhaps emotionally, as well. You can volunteer your time to work at a food bank or soup kitchen where a holiday dinner is served and prepared; go to a local church or shelter to help feed the homeless and the poor; whatever, just be creative and look for opportunities you can contribute. The more you give, the more you will get back in blessings and good feelings yourself. It may not happen the same day or all at once, but it will happen. When you see that the best gift you can give is yourself, your spirits will rise and be reinforced with a warmth and strength which is better and longer lasting than any gift or holiday party.
7. Practice Patience & Good Deeds,
Keep repeating to yourself when feeling rushed “I have plenty of time.” Hurrying is a struggle against time—that’s unhealthy. Adopt a more relaxed attitude. Let others in front of you in line (especially when they seem distressed), hold the door open for the person exiting with a handful of packages, give up the parking space, drop off something thoughtful to someone special to you just to show your appreciation & thankfulness, find the acts of kindness that make you feel good and do them repeatedly.
8. Sing, Hum, etc. (it doesn’t have to be out loud)
Experience the joys of the holiday season by hearing the music. Let the music help ease your tensions. Some suggestions: ‘Tis the season to be jolly (perfect if you’ve lost your sense of humor); Dashing through the Snow (helps you remember that although not everybody can dash through the snow, movement is absolutely essential to your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being); Making a list, checking it twice (Don’t expect your already overloaded mind to remember any more than your way home and the names of your immediate family members); you get the picture!
9. Exercise!!
Yes, that is right, even before the New Year’s resolutions! Having to park three miles away from any place peopled with shoppers gives you an excellent opportunity to squeeze in a little aerobic activity. Carrying your purchases back to that same location might be considered strength training. It’s amazing how many ways you can work in a workout. However, do more than the credit card wrist twist; the lugging of packages; the raising your arm to mouth and opening wide—do real cardiovascular exercises at least 3 times per week for 20 minutes or more. You’ll be amazed at all the extra energy you create!
10. Avoid Or Be Very Moderate With Alcohol, Sugary Foods, Caffeine
Most holiday gatherings include the sharing or offering of alcoholic beverages, coffee and cakes, cookies, etc. Since many people use alcohol, caffeine and sweets as a way to combat stress and even depression, it is wise to limit your intake if you wish to limit your stress. These items are only a temporary stress reducer. Keep in mind, the best stress reducers are laughter, listening to and/or singing music, helping others, being loved and sharing love, and for many, association with their church or faith through private or public ceremonies and events.
11. If Possible, Spend Holidays with Others (family, friends, neighbors, work colleagues, etc.).
The holiday season is a dreadful and lonely time for many. Spending the time alone will tend to add to the feelings of isolation and depression. If you have friends, relatives, etc. see if you can join them for a part of it. Whatever you can do to get the focus away from yourself and the past the better off you will be. While it is acceptable and healthy to remember events or lost loved ones on holidays, it need not be either a negative or the entire focus of the holiday for you.
12. And, most importantly…..Take Time for Yourself.
Unless your career responsibilities demand you return to work the day after a major holiday, take an extra day or two off to recoup your physical and emotional strength. Joyous times are every bit as stressful and draining as sad or unpleasant events. If you work for yourself and plan ahead to do it, take a day before and 2-3 days after a major holiday to catch up on sleep, clean up your house, and travel in a relaxed time frame.
We at N-R-G Coaching Associates wish you a wonderful holiday with Joy, Peace, Balance and Success in 2007!
Sincerely,
Coach Natalie
