Defraying Stress
The Top
By Natalie Gahrmann, The Priority Pro
Between work demands, caring for your children, and seeing to everyday matters and responsibilities there is little time left to take care of yourself. So, many working parents put off time for their own needs and desires. However, you are a key influence on your child’s development, so the amount of stress you are experiencing in your work, family and personal life has a direct impact on them. Here’s some tips to help defray the stress and help you consciously take better care of yourself.
1. Breathe deeply
Bring in the air through your nose, deep down into your belly and out through your mouth in a slow relaxed fashion at least two-three times to help re-focus, re-center and relax.
2. Take in Relaxing Smells
Aromatherapy oils, herbal teas or scented candles are all relaxing to the olfactory system.
3. DAYDREAM, MEDITATE AND CONNECT WITH NATURE
Visit places and experience them newly. Or, give your mind a mental break by simply imagining you are somewhere else and creating a visual image and experience in your mind of being there. Either way, fully connect with your surroundings by noticing sounds, smells and textures. Relax your spirit and body using soothing music and warm lights.
4. Avoid Overextending Yourself
Stop saying “yes” too often to requests of your time, money, energy or other resources. Say “no” to things and people as a way of honoring you. Allow yourself a chance to think about the request before acepting the invitation. Bow out later if the commitment is contributing too greatly to your stress.
5. Eat Healthy Foods
Eat foods and drink beverages that nourish your body and soul.
6. Participate in a hobby or sport
Create an outlet for relaxation that you truly enjoy doing. Use your creativity to write, sculpt, knit, paint, etc. Use physical activities or daily exercise rituals to help “blow off” steam both physically and mentally.
7. lighten up
Smile, laugh and just be friendly to others. Friendliness goes far and helps you feel good about yourself. Humor lightens up tension. Notice how laughter is contagious, too. People are more naturally attracted to people who seem happy, positive, enthusiastic, and excited about life. Stop taking things so seriously all the time and lighten up a bit.
8. Enlist help from others
Learn to ask for and accept help (even when things are not done to your high standard level!) You will gain by delegating and allowing others to help, even when things don’t turn out exactly as they would have if you completed the task yourself. Allow yourself to be nurtured by your friends and family.
9. Spend Quality Time with Your Children
Have fun and interact with your children. Be fully present with them. Truly listen to what they have to say and connect on a deeper level.
10. Get Romantic
Stimulate your body’s release of endorphins by reading a romance novel, or better yet, curl up with your spouse/significant other or make love.
Making Time for What Matters Most
Unexpected emergencies are normally crises that can happen at any time. They arise often seemingly from out of nowhere. Once they are there, you are more or less forced to take time for something or someone that you had not planned.
Quite unconsciously, or perhaps even consciously, you decide that the emergency takes precedence over everything else at the moment, because the person or thing that emerged is more important to you than anything else on your plate at this moment.
Emergencies, such as this, can serve to help you put everything in your life back in perspective rather quickly. When a health emergency arises, either yours or someone else’s, you immediately realize the importance of good health, wellness visits, and preventative care. Your perspective may shift to the importance of health, knowing that if you do not have your health, you may not have a productive or long life. Then, health becomes one of your top priorities.
When the emergency pertains to a relationship that is important to you, you recognize that the people you love and connections in your life, make your life worthwhile, so you take time out to take care of and nurture your relationships.
Making time for what matters most need not be relegated to emergencies. Imagine making time for your health, relationships and everything else that is vitally important to you, before an emergency strikes. Imagine taking excellent care of your physical body, your soul and those you love without being “forced” into it. Imagine sharing time, having real conversations, and being committed to understanding your loved ones or co-workers now – not just when emotions run high and things get a bit hairy or out of control.
Do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor and avoid an emergency by making time out of thin air today for what, and who, matters most to you. I am quite sure you will not regret this decision!
Make Romance a Priority
Romance, in these superbusy(tm) times may need to be a planned event rather than a spontaneous happening. Either planned or spontaneous, here are some simple romantic ideas for little or no money:
1. Write a love note by email, on the mirror, on the kitchen table, etc.
2. Send a greeting card (email or regular mail).
3. Give a warm embracing hug.
4. Give a passionate affectionate kiss.
5. Meet for lunch.
6. Picnic on your living room floor.
7. Kiss hello, kiss goodbye.
8. Take a bubble bath or shower together.
9. Make focused time for each other.
10. And, talk to each other…communicate regularly!
Fighting the Impulse of Distractions
While researching about the impact of distractions on the younger generation, I also found this interesting thought….
You need to be able to control your impulses in order to stay better focused at work. Saying no to distractions depends, in part, on being able to control your impulses — something that’s not fully developed in a teenager’s brain, but is more developed as you mature.
Communication Technology Distractions
Text messages, instant messaging and online chat (which is frequently being used in some work environments as a communication tool) are often over-used; some are in the form of pop-up boxes that immediately open when the message arrives. The Internet and the ease to search for hours on end is a frequent offender both at home and at work. The best way to manage these is to prevent them in the first place. Managing expectations in an age of instant access is a challenge but possible with clear indications of when and how these will be handled.
Telephone calls are another big distraction in our lives. When focusing on the task-at-hand, most people feel the need to pick-up the ringing phone whether it’s the cell phone or standard office line. Calls can come from coworkers, customers, patients, your boss, and family, friends and personal service providers (e.g., doctor, lawyer, accountant, auto mechanic, real estate agent). It’s easy to say “just don’t answer the phone” or “turn the ringer off” during focus times, it’s another thing to put this into practice. As long as your caller has an opportunity to leave a voice message, they will do so and you can call back at a more convenient time.
How do you protect your time and the 24/7 availability?
Workplace Distractions
Robin Fogel, a fellow Executive and Career Coach, recently published the following in her monthly newsletter and granted me permission to share it here. To learn more about Robin visit, http://www.coachrobinfogel.com/.
Whether it is the workplace or life in general, our modern existence seems to demand that we get more done. Yet while we are being asked to accomplish more, there are also greater distractions. Multitasking was originally praised as one solution, a way to accomplish more, a way that we could be more efficient. Recent scientific findings are now reaching the opposite conclusion; multitasking is not making us more productive, in fact it may be reducing productivity. Now, in a new book by Maggie Jackson, “Distracted: The Erosion of Attention and the Coming Dark Age“, the author writes that constant interruptions have hurt workers’ ability to focus. She says that, “roughly once every three minutes, typical cubicle dwellers set aside whatever they are doing and start something else”. She writes that these constant interruptions consume as much as “28% of the average US worker’s day, including recovery time, and sap productivity to the tune of $650 billion a year“.
While the costs to businesses are enormous there are personal costs as well. A recent study found that those workers who are regularly interrupted expressed greater frustration, and felt greater pressure and stress over their inability to get their work done.
Ms. Jackson wrote that if we “jump on every e-mail or ping; we’ll have trouble pursuing our long term goals”. So, as you read this article, if you are also checking your voicemail, talking to a
co-worker or toggling between websites, remember that it is the ability to focus and complete one task at a time that will increase your productivity and have you feeling less frustrated. And remember to close your office door, if you have one, for some uninterrupted work time. Turn off the email alert beeper on your computer, and make it clear that you are not to be disturbed unless there is a true emergency.
The late Peter Drucker, author of “The Effective Executive”, once wrote, “To be effective, every knowledgeable worker, and especially every executive needs to dispose of time in fairly large chunks…to have small dribs and drabs of time at his disposal will not be sufficient even if the total is an impressive number of hours.”
Basic Tips for Managing Multiple Projects
I searched the Internet last week to develop a list to present at a workshop I was preparing for a client. Unfortunately, I cannot recall the sources but I want to share the following:
Basic Tips for Managing Multiple Projects
1. Before you check your voice mail or email each morning, list what you would like to accomplish today. Be realistic about how much and what you can really accomplish in any given day. Prioritize what needs to be completed immediately and what can wait until later in the day.
2. Once you have your prioritized list, and depending on the type of work you do, either get a top priority completed (even just a major step!) or check your messages to see what’s come in since you left the office. Write down all the pertinent information (e.g., request, contact info). Determine a time in your day when you will return messages. Reply with detailed messages whenever possible to derail the telephone tag which could ensure when you and your contact keep leaving messages for each other. This saves a huge amount of time and frustration! Reprioritize your list based on the messages you received.
3. Stay organized. Being organized will diminish stress levels. Keep project or client info well organized and easy to locate. Have only one project or file on your desk at a time so that you can stay focused on the task at hand. Avoid multi-tasking because this causes you to bounce around from project to project.
4. At the end of the day, list what you didn’t accomplish. Have this list be the basis for your next day’s to-do list. When you begin this process again tomorrow, you can prioritize what’s on your list again and complete the most important activities. Get your projects under control!
Fighting Fires isn’t Sexy
For those of you with more on your to-do list than you have time to do, it could be quite difficult to decide which projects get your time and attention. Getting focused is the top challenge most super busy managers struggle with. I have learned so much about this problem first-hand dealing with it as I balance my roles as mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, and more with that of being an entrepreneur. I have now created and delivered a highly effective workshop “There’s Too Much on my Plate” to help others manage their work more effectively rather than constantly fighting fires by handling the crises that come there way on a regular basis.
Some highly recommended and very effective techniques I teach about include:
1. Choose the RIGHT priorities
Here I refer to the 80:20 rule and apply it to managing your workload. Don’t be so busy doing lots of the things that will detract you from doing the things that matter most. 80% is trivial but 20% is vital. Focus on your 20% with 80% of your time and energy. Work smarter! Focus the majority of your time and energy on activities that advance your overall goals and purpose. Anything else on your to-do list is likely a distraction!
2. Ask Yourself the RIGHT questions
Rather than asking about how you’ll be able to get everything done, ask what steps will help you achieve your goals, how the activity or project ties into the bigger picture, when critical hand-offs need to occur and other such questions that more closely align with your goals and objectives.
3. Be in Control
Manage your day rather than reacting to other’s needs and priorities and putting your own priorities on the back burner. Don’t be fooled to believe that you’ll be able to get to your stuff once you’ve gotten through everyone else’s because that rarely, if ever really happens. Learn to negotiate and ask better questions, to push back, and to set clear boundaries.
Fighting someone else’s fires places your time and energy with them. When someone needs your help and tries to make their priority your priority, remember that by reacting you are giving up your power. Instead, if reasonable, politely let them know that you will gladly help them out later once you’ve finished your own work. Focus on your priorities first!
Secrets of the Happiest and Most Successful
Did you know…a new survey by American Express and Best Life Magazine reported that men increasingly are defining success by their family’s health and happiness, work/life balance, and time they spend having fun. Overall, the survey, conducted by the Harrison Group, found that:
* Only 10 percent of affluent men in America consider themselves both happy and very successful.
* The other 90 percent feel they have reached some levels of success and happiness but are still striving to make gains in their personal lives and careers to reach the same top level of life satisfaction.
* Nearly all of the men (95 percent) believe that to be successful, a man must achieve work/life balance.
* Only one out of four men will take a sick day to enjoy their personal interests.
Best Life Magazine (the fastest-growing men’s magazine in the country and the very first men’s magazine to provide topical and compelling editorial that addresses family, marriage and fatherhood)also outlines the secrets of the 10 percent of men who are extremely happy and super successful. Some characteristics that set them apart: The ability to have fun, having clearly defined goals and navigating change well.
I’m curious…what do you think of these results? Do they ring true for you?
Managing the Homefront in your Super Busy life
I’ve been coming across more and more women who have husbands who have left the work force to be home with the kids. For some, this is the perfect solution. This tends to work real well when there are more career opportunities and ambition by the woman but a desire to have the children primarily cared for by their parents.
What I find happens in some cases is sort of a disconnect. There’s somewhat of a role reversal to the former traditional model of the father as the bread-winner for the family. This may create feelings of resentment, jealousy, frustration on the negative side or feelings of appreciation, support, encouragement on the positive side. Neither feelings are right or wrong.
The problem comes when these feelings are not discussed honestly and openly. Someone feeling negatively really needs to be heard. Otherwise, this may adversely effect the relationship, and ultimately the family unit.
Many of the women I know who are the bread-winners of their family tend to be controlling. Not necessarily a ‘control-freak’ or not necessarily consciously but by default. Husbands in the role of a stay-at-home dad may relinquish their role and behave in a subservient manner. The frustration for women comes when they not only work long hours in their career but are also expected to oversee or manage the household despite having someone capable at home.
I don’t think there are any quick solutions but a need for constant communication. Both parents need to be clear about their roles and contributions to the family unit. They need to be in touch with their feelings and recognize when they’re not feeling good about something; then address it without placing blame or judgment.
Beings this seems to be a growing area of interest and concern, I’d love to hear from those of you in this type of situation. Please email me to describe your situation as well as what’s working and what’s not. I’ll continue updating a BLOG discussion on this topic as I hear from more of you.
Thanks,
Coach Natalie
