Re-Orient your Life Around Values
I am currently working with a successful entrepreneur on establishing Core Values for his Corporation. In doing so, I am reminded of the importance of recognizing your most important values and living your life each and every day based on these ‘rules’. Whether for your business, or for your life, clearly identifying your core values will help you achieve what’s most meaningful with the highest degree of integrity, pride and satisfaction.
Your life can be deeply enhanced when you intertwine your values into your overall framework for life. Aligning your work and life around your personal values will help you achieve the greatest levels of success. Your values help you establish more congruency in your life and increase your capacity for having an abundance of joy and happiness.
Your values are:
- what you are naturally inclined or drawn toward;
- what you are eager to do;
- what brings you fulfillment;
- what you do with little effort;
- your strongest beliefs;
- your internal motivator;
- the only sustainable basis for goal-setting;
- and, your heart and soul
Values are the core of who you are—not who you would like to be or who you think you should be. You are your values—they make up who you are, what you want and how you live. Like you mature, change and grow your values may also change over time. By gaining a better understanding of your values today you can begin incorporating your values into your life and creating a strong foundation which will be able to support you in every other way—including how you bring yourself to your work.
Your values represent your unique and individual essence. When you are engaged in activities aligned with your values, you feel most like yourself—well, connected, excited, glowing and effortless. However, when what you are doing conflicts with what is truly important to you, feelings of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, frustration and stress occur most often because your values are conflicting with your lifestyle and choices.
Values are linked very closely with your integrity. Integrity is when your external behaviors are closely aligned with your inner values; when your actions match your inner belief system, you are operating in integrity and using your values to drive your choices in life.
Your values run deep within you and are often disguised when danger is sensed. Danger in this case is anything that may interfere with or intrude on your values such as: needs, obligations, roles, problems, should’s , tolerations, stress, money, guilt, addictions or adrenaline.
The process of clarifying values is often difficult to do on your own. You can extract your core values based on what is most important to you, your actions, and the things you choose to do and not do in your life. The activities you engage in are usually an observable demonstration of your values; sometimes, though, your values are neglected so it’s harder to identify them. Working with the services of a professional coach, can help you with the process.
For more information, and some tips to help you identify your values, read the ”Live by Your Values” article on my website or contact me to arrange an introductory coaching session. http://www.theprioritypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Article-Live-by-your-Values-MBM-7-03.pdf
Create SUCCESS on your own Terms
Researchers frequently study traits of successful people. I find that it’s important for each individual to first define what success means to him/her. When you know this criterion for yourself, you can track, measure and attain it. Every adult seems to have conflicting demands and multiple priorities these days. Those who endure success despite these ongoing challenges have a few key things in common, they:
- seize opportunities as they present themselves
- avoid regret by making sound decisions in their life and their work
- have positive energy that helps them focus on enjoying the present
When success seems elusive for an individual it is usually due to a mismatch between your core values, needs, goals, beliefs, and strengths—who you are and what you’re trying to achieve. When who you are and what you are doing are not aligned, it creates undue stress, frustration, worry and overwhelm. Also, when you rely too heavily on one or two strengths rather than leveraging a variety of your strengths, you’re less likely to achieve your highest levels of success.
In the 2002 study by Harvard Business School professor Howard Stevenson and his senior research fellow, Laura Nash, they discovered that success that endures stems from four key sources that may seem contradictory but yet are all necessary: achievement, happiness, significance, and a legacy.
Achievement: Do you measure accomplishments against an external goal? Power, wealth, recognition, competition against others.
Happiness: Is there contentment or pleasure with and about your life?
Significance: Do you have a valued impact on others whom you choose?
Legacy: Have you infused your values and your accomplishments into the lives of others to leave something behind?
These four satisfactions are very different from each other, he said. To learn more about Dr. Stevenson’s findings and how they apply to you, click here.
On HIGH Alert
When we’re in new situations, most of us either consciously or subconsciously go into a high alert status. We’re more aware of our surroundings and cautious to protect ourselves.
As I walked my dog this morning, I chose a different path than ordinarily because I had a little more time and wanted to explore a bit further. When I noticed a loose totally unsupervised German Shepherd dog just ahead several houses from where I was, I immediately took precaution and ducked down a nearby street before either dog saw each other.
Surprisingly, I found a paved path behind the homes with a nice wooded area to my left. Most of the homes had fenced in yards so this looked like a safe alternative. As I walked down that path, I was startled to see a group of seven white-tailed deer bedded down under a large tree. You’d think they would be on high-alert and run away but instead they watched me and my dog gracefully stroll by. Wow, what a beautiful sight! (Wish I had my cell phone or camera with me!)
I started becoming more alert to my surroundings, both to enjoy nature and to insure our safety. I noticed several other loose dogs, a large man walking towards us (I crossed the street to walk on the other side of the road!), a friend pass by in his car and wave, and I heard an approaching motorcycle and a speeding car coming towards us. It’s amazing how much more alert I was, when I was conscious of this action!
I wonder, how often any of us get so caught up in what we’re doing, go through the motions with routine tasks, or use music or conversations to enhance what we’re doing. What do we miss when we’re not alert to our surroundings?
Especially when you’re in a new situation—a new job, new work/project team, a new route, a networking event—you can raise your awareness and be more observant. Use your eyes to see what’s happening around you (and what’s not!); use your ears to listen to conversations, sounds, and the silence; watch body language and notice the aromas in the air. Use all of your senses to zone in to everything happening around you! Listen and observe at least twice as much as you talk! Use your senses to monitor the situations around you so that you can more consciously choose the best way to respond.
Face your Fears
Many times, the biggest obstacle to success, balance and happiness is fear. Fear is just a barrier that challenges you and may stop you dead in your tracks.
I once heard a motivational speaker define fear as “false evidence appearing real”. Unfortunately, I don’t recall who to credit but I’ve remembered these words and repeated them to clients who were stuck.
Fear may show up in many forms. Petra (name changed) was so afraid of how success would change her life that she continually sabotaged her chances of success. She wasn’t consciously aware that she was doing this. She thought she was taking the steps to build her business, yet she wasn’t reaching out for new business or following up consistently with former clients.
When we began to explore how fear was showing up in her life, Petra realized that although there were several fears in her life, the biggest one was that she feared success. She labeled that fear and defined it as being afraid that her life would change; that she wouldn’t be the same person. (There were a number of limiting beliefs we uncovered that we worked through separately—I’ll write more about beliefs in a future blog!!)
Petra worked hard to disclose the origin of her fear and discovered that her uncle that she highly admired had distanced himself from the family when he became successful. He ultimately died a sick and lonely man. He was a workaholic who drowned himself in work; the resulting stress led to a severe heart attack at just 54 years old! Therefore, Petra feared that success would kill her too! She was afraid that having a successful business would mean she’d have no time for her family or friends. She feared being divorced, in poor health, with no friends or family who cared about her because she spent no time with them.
After realizing the origin of her fears and reevaluating them, Petra was ready to reframe her fear. She looked at her fears as an opportunity to build her business differently and a way to consciously stay connected with those she loved. She took responsibility for creating her success in the way it was important to her. Today, I’m happy to say that Petra lives a well balanced life with a successful business and happy family life.
For valuable tips and strategies to help face and fight your fears, visit my Full Plate Blog at MyPath.com. (http://connect.mypath.com/mypath/blogs/full-plate/2010/08/20/tips-and-strategies-to-face-your-fears)
Dissatisfied at work?
Everyone seems stressed out these days! Now that the economy appears to be coming back, employers are becoming increasingly concerned about retaining their talented workforce. Those that survived downsizings, pay reductions, increased workloads, and other cutbacks may be leaving in droves once things settle down. Many employees have waited out the down-turn and have been holding out for the right opportunity to leave their current employer. In fact, 28% of workers in a CareerBuilder survey said they expected to switch fields in the next two years, looking for more interesting work, pay, and chances for advancement or stability.
With employee satisfaction at a low, as job creation begins, many will seek other opportunities. There may be a mass exodus!
As some companies take this opportunity to review their workplace culture and how to recognize employee contributions, they are challenged to do it on a budget. Restoring pay and benefits may prove difficult. Therefore, they’ll have to seek out other ways to keep employees engaged. Demonstrating respect, acknowledging contributions and keeping an open line of communication are critical at this juncture. Offering low or no cost benefits such as flexibility and telecommuting is also important. Incentive-laden compensation packages that recognize high levels of productivity or customer satisfaction will incent employees to contribute their best, too.
Employers are now in the engagement era. As the economy improves, companies will continue to look for ways to boost employee satisfaction. Bosses need to step up to keep workers happy on a limited budget! And, employees need to realize that they are not indispensible. With an abundance of discontented employees and the unemployed, employees not performing effectively or exhibiting morale issues, could more easily be replaced.
Do you enjoy your work? Do you have a career strategy?
Working with The Priority Pro as your career coach can help you gain clarity, focus and direction. Imagine knowing your skills and developmental areas; utilizing your transferable skills to help land a new job; enhancing your leadership skills; establishing a career direction in 90 days! Contact us to discuss your needs and schedule an introductory coaching session. This month it’s just $49.95!!
How Confident are You?
Many ambitious high achieving professionals fear that they are not really as bright and capable as others tend to think they are. As they climb the career ladder they have apprehension and self-doubt. Although they have accomplishments, they tend to attribute these achievements to luck. All this weighs heavily on an already full plate.
Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!
The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard. The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!
Don’t allow it! Contact The Priority Pro for help stepping into your greatness! Be as bright and capable as others already believe you are!
Happy Summer!
Today is officially the first day of summer. For some, it may have felt that summer started weeks ago when your kids ended their school year or when the days were longer and hotter. With temperatures peaking in the 90’s today and bright sunshine, it will definitely feel like summer here in NJ, although the kids don’t finish their school year until Wednesday!
As each new season comes and goes, many of my clients use it as a time for self-reflection and renewal. They check-in with their goals to see if they are on track. They commit to achieving new goals for the second half of the year.
- Are you on track with your goals?
- What are your priorities this summer?
- How will you be sure to stay focused on achieving what’s most important?
- What obstacles may prevent you from achieving what you what you want to?
- How can you plan on avoiding them?
- What will you do to gain some enjoyment from this more relaxed time of the year?
As a professionally trained and internationally certified coach, I work with business leaders to help insure their personal and professional success. I offer training, keynote presentations, and seminars to support each individual and the organization as a whole to achieve your goals. Contact me to discuss your needs!
Reality Hits the Road
You may have had some sort of training along the way that helped lead you to your success, organizing, time management, goal-setting, right?
This isn’t about the basic time management skills or stress management 101. Take those principles you’ve learned like, (Covey’s) four quadrants, (Morgenstern’s) categorizing using the A, B, C’s for your task priorities, (Allen’s) integrated system of stress-free productivity and put them to the reality test.
What happens?
Unfortunately, many of these outstanding systems don’t work. Not because they’re not effective systems, but because people don’t fully implement them. Then, they give us and resort to their old ways, sometimes thinking that their situation is hopeless.
For instance, you start your day with a list or framework of what you are going to accomplish. You know what’s most important, you know what decisions need to be made but then, unfortunately, reality hits the road—
…the phone rings endlessly, the system goes down, your boss has a crisis that needs your immediate attention, you have some irate customers, a colleague plants themselves in the corner chair in your office to talk about her personal issues, you get an urgent message from the school that one of your kids has gotten hurt, etc.
The problem isn’t about managing time; it’s about managing all these interruptions. These distract you from accomplishing what you set out to do each day and if you don’t re-prioritize on a dime, ask questions to clarify importance and timeline, focus on what’s most important, delegate, be flexible (to a point), block out distractions, and say “no” when appropriate you may increase your stress, decrease your productivity and feel dissatisfied in what you’re able to accomplish on any given day.
How Confident are YOU?
Many ambitious high achieving professionals fear that they are not really as bright and capable as others tend to think they are. As they climb the career ladder they have apprehension and self-doubt. Although they have accomplishments, they tend to attribute these achievements to luck. All this weighs heavily on an already full plate.
Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!
The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard. The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!
If you’re one of the many, here are some more effective strategies:
- Be aware of the phenomenon.
- Make a list of the situations in which the feelings are likely to strike.
- Take an objective inventory of your accomplishments and skills.
- Stop being such a perfectionist! Allow yourself to make some mistakes and learn from them.
- Keep track of praise and compliments you receive; accept it the external validation!
- Disown your failures and stop blaming yourself for setbacks that are out of your control.
- Talk to others you admire about their worries about their own achievements.
- Set a modest goal for confronting this fear and think up a couple of steps you can take in the next month toward reaching it.
- Break frightening tasks into several parts. If possible, start with the easiest part.
- Separate feelings from reality.
- Gain experience, education, and training.
- Develop relationships with mentors.
- Be selective about the drive to prove yourself. Do a great job when it matters most. Don’t persevere over routine tasks.
- Ask for and allow help from others
- Recognize that everyone who does something new, takes risks, or stretches outside their comfort zone feels off-base at the beginning
- Stop expecting to know everything
For more information about the Imposter Syndrome, visit:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200907/the-imposter-syndrome
http://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/the-impostor-syndrome-when-fear-blocks-success.html
To take the quiz to see if you’re suffering from the Imposter Syndrome, click here: http://impostorsyndrome.com/quiz.htm
Flip your BUT
Most of us encounter obstacles on the road to achieving our goals. Through several experiences of working with my coaching clients and continuous learning opportunities, I have learned to turn these obstacles into stepping stones. If you’d like to learn how to turn problems and challenges into progress too, read on!
The first and probably most important point is that examining the problem in-depth rarely works because instead of focusing on solutions, you’re caught analyzing or dissecting the problem. Once you clearly identify the problem, increase your ability to make wise decisions by flipping over that obstacle to see what opportunities are available beyond it. If you remain caught up in looking at the problem, it will expand in your reality and you won’t be able to reach your goals. You’ll become either a victim who complains about the problem but doesn’t take any concrete steps to change the situation, or a quitter who gives up on the original goal and chooses a different path to pursue.
So, as you come across obstacles along the path to your goals, reflect on the hidden meaning of what it may be trying to tell you. Often, hidden within the pain of your problem are the seeds of what you really want. Clearly define what you’re hoping to achieve; redefine your goal. Be aware of the “buts” and flip them into “ands”.
Several years ago I had the fortuitous experience to work with some masterful coaches at a coach training school. I learned the technique of “flipping” my but and I’ve used it successfully myself, with audiences and with individual coaching clients. For example, if your goal is to get a new car BUT you can’t afford it, and you flip the “but” to an “AND” you’d be saying something like, “I want a new care AND I want to be able to easily afford the payments”. The sentence started with your goal to get a new car but ended abruptly at the BUT. It’s set up a conflict that cannot be resolved as long as the two things are seen as mutually exclusive.
Here’s another example…”I want to make more money, BUT I don’t want to work 60-80 hours a week”. If you flip the second half of this statement and combine it with the goal in the first part, you’ll end up with a powerful new goal such as, “I want to make more money AND work just 40 hours a week”. When you do this, you stop negating your goals, and start creating exactly what you want.
Do this exercise with one of your current goals. Fill in the blanks as indicated:
I want _____________________________________ BUT _______________________.
(your goal) (the obstacle)
Then, turn the “but” into an “and” below:
I want ______________________________________ AND ______________________.
(your goal) (your goal)
Once you’ve stated your new more powerful goal, start asking yourself questions like, “How can I get a great new car with payments I can afford?” or “How can I increase my salary while working while working less and earning more?” Keep asking these questions and other empowering questions so that you can engage both your conscious and your subconscious minds working towards finding solutions for you. This simple process of flipping the but works similarly when you have conflicting priorities. For example, “I want to attend the professional association meeting this evening but I promised my son that I’d attend his track meet”. When flipping the “but” to an “and”, I searched for an alternative or a solution that would allow me to do both and as a result I planned on dialing into the meeting and listening to the speaker while I watched my son run track.
Often when clients get this far in the process of achieving their goals, they let fear immobilize them. However, now that you’ve developed some empowering questions to move you toward your goal, the key is to get into action. Action is the perfect antidote for fear. As you take steps towards your goal, you can keep using this process as the evil “BUT” monster shows up. The fear of change, even positive change, can keep you stuck or push you back into victim or quitter mode. Feeling like you are stuck, or have no alternatives, dis-empowers you to achieve your goals.
Determine your goal and what’s stopping you so that you can flip that “BUT” to an “AND” and move yourself through empowering questions into deliberate action toward achieving your goals. If you feel you can’t do it alone, contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com or call 908-281-7098 and I’ll be happy to explore how working with me as your coach can help you achieve your desired goals. With over a decade of experience and tangible results, let me help you attain your goals!
