Feed Your Needs
I’ve been working on uncovering, assessing, and meeting my needs. This has been a long process in my journey of self-discovery. I’m working it in the foreground and in the background at different points in my life. As I’ve identified one need and addressed it, I’ve been able to get to deeper levels.
At times this work has been very challenging. Sometimes I didn’t like what I was learning about myself or my needs,but I stuck with it because I desire having my needs met in effortless ways. I don’t want my needs driving my life.
For those who might be reading this with confusion about what I’m referencing, let me explain. I’m not referring to your basic needs for food, shelter, or safety but to your personal needs that are internally based conditions that must be minimally satisfied for you to feel balanced and fulfilled. Those needs are satisfiable but they will dominate your life until they’re met.
For instance, I had a client with a need to please others. When we dug deeper, it was really more about needing to feel loved and accepted. Unfortunately, she was meeting this need by saying yes to everyone (except for herself). She very rarely said no and when she did she felt guilty and badly. Until we actually explored her needs and how they were driving her, she was simply unaware. Once her awareness grew, she was open to finding more effective ways to get that need met because she recognized what it was costing her emotionally, mentally, and physically.
In exploring needs, it’s important to understand that it’s a process. You can arrange to work with a professional coach, a trusted friend, or to explore it on your own.
Hopefully, what you’ll uncover (as I have and so many of my clients have, too!) is a recognition of what needs drive you, how they drive you in effective and ineffective ways, how you can satisfy this need in effortless ways, and who or what can help you. Once needs are satisfied, they will not be controlling your life and you can more freely live your life based on what you value most.
Stop Helping Others at Your Own Expense
I attended a powerful networking meeting today for business women. We didn’t have an agenda or speaker scheduled for this meeting beings it was the first for this group. There were about 10 of us present. One woman who is the owner of a salon brought up an issue she has about separating herself from the problems that her patrons and employees share with her. She takes on their issues and sometimes dwells on them at her own expense of time and energy . Others’ problems become her problems.
Other women sitting around the table acknowledged the difficulty they too have with wanting to help everyone else and being overly sensitive to everybody else’s issues. What was clear for me is that this appears to be a common challenge for women. However, this isn’t working for her anymore; it’s costing her the price of her own well-being and it’s draining her.
I shared some inspirational words that seemed to make a difference for everyone in the group. I don’t remember what I said exactly though I recall acknowledging this woman for sharing something so personal to a group of women she just met. She took a risk to share her issue. She was vulnerable in that moment. It’s difficult for many of us, including myself, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable because we want people to see us as strong and successful.
By sharing something personal, this woman gained support. Everyone present either shared their own existing issues in this same area or talked about some things they have done to strengthen this area.
Awareness of a behavior or thought that is no longer working for you is always the first step to making any sort of change. Once we discussed how this really didn’t help anyone because it’s so draining, we began to brainstorm ways to create new intentions, boundaries, and strength to help us create healthier support systems. I’ve recognized 3 types of support systems: (1) those that drain us; (2) those that support us where we are; (3) and those that rocket or propel us forward. It’s important to convert the drainers to better relationships or start eliminating them from your life. Life is certainly too busy to surround yourself with people who pull you down or keep you stuck.
Before an Interview
Teena Rose, CPRW, CEIP, CCM sent me this article to share with you to help you better prepare for your next job interview. No matter how happy you might be in your job right now, things may change in your personal or career life that require a need for a job change. In this article you’ll find ten tips that will help you have a successful job interview. So, regardless of whether you’re transitioning back to work, just been laid off, looking for a new position, or changing careers these tips will help you.
You’ve worked hard to get here. You’ve sent out 31 resumes, networked, attended job fairs, enrolled in school for more education – you’ve taken all the right steps.
Then, one afternoon the phone rings. “Yes, we’d like you to come in for an interview. Is next Tuesday at 10:00 alright with you?” Alright???!!! You can be there in 10 minutes! But you gather your composure, pretend to rifle through your “appointment book” and calmly reply, “Yes, Tuesday at 10:00 works for me. See you then.” Now what?
The sequence goes like this: the resume gets you an interview; the interview gets you the job. This is when you become more than a bunch of employment dates and workplace accomplishments. This is your opportunity to shine. It’s show time!
Go in cold and you’re working at a disadvantage. You prepped the perfect resume, now it’s time to prep for that all-important interview. Here are ten steps you should take before you show up at the interviewer’s door.
1. Review your resume.Sure, you know it by heart. But what was it that caught the eye of this recruiter or the HR pro? Specialized experience? Unique training? A steady history of career advancement? Revisit your resume from the point of view of the interviewer. It may provide insight into the company’s employee needs – something that would certainly be advantageous to know going in.
2. Get back on-line.The Internet served you well in the preparation of personalized cover letters targeted at the recipients’ needs. Okay, visit the company web site again and start taking notes. Corporate officers, the latest press releases, the company’s annual report. Gather as much information as you can on your soon-to-be-employer.
3. Study, study, then cram.The more you learn about your callback company, the better you’re going to feel walking in that door. Knowledge is power. Knowledge will make you more confident in your attitude and your answers. You know this stuff. You’ve studied it! Knowledge of company products, services, protocols and procedures shows the interviewer that you’re proactive, with an eye for detail and an appreciation for the power of preparation. In other words, you’ll make a positive impression.
4. Rehearse your interview.How can you rehearse for something that doesn’t have a script? Write one. You know the typical questions you’ll be asked so write down some of your most insightful, witty thoughts regarding the state of your industry and profession. Be prepared to describe past positions, responsibilities and accomplishments. This is not a time for false modesty, so don’t be afraid to highlight your professional strengths and play down your terrible typing skills. Remember: it’s no brag if it’s the truth. Ask your spouse, your child or a friend to play the role of interviewer so you become more comfortable speaking about yourself in front of others. Again, this is a confidence builder. The more you practice, the more confident you’ll be.
5. Develop your list of questions.Your interview shouldn’t be seen as some type of interrogation. It’s a “getting to know you” meeting, so feel free to ask questions. However, your first question shouldn’t be “How much do I get paid?” or “How’s the 401k plan, here?” Instead, ask questions that show you understand the job and the company’s needs. Be quick to pick up on the interviewer’s comments and ask relevant questions.
Interviewer: We’ve had some issues with field reports coming in late recently.
You: How are the reports transmitted?(Oh, you’re good. Verygood.)
6. Dress for success.An interview is a performance with people playing different roles. Your role is successful job prospect. Play the part. Whether you’re female or male, the conservative business suit is the recommended attire for any interview. If your business suit needs a pressing, send it to the dry cleaners. If you don’t own a suit (you’d be surprised at the number of us who don’t) go out and get one. It doesn’t have to be an $800 designer suit, but it should be conservative black, blue or gray.
7. Get cut or coiffed.You’ll have 15 minutes to make a good impression. Treat yourself to a visit to the local hair stylist. You bet looks matter. They’ll be plenty of time to show your talent once you land the job. For now, look like a success, feel like a success – be a success.
8. Practice positive visualization.Professional athletes do it. So do actors, yoga instructors and new age thinkers who sleep under makeshift pyramids to absorb that mystical energy. It’s called positive visualization – and it works. It really does. In the days leading up to the interview, picture yourself sitting opposite the head of HR. Picture yourself relaxed, comfortable, at the top of your game. Play that clip over and over in your mind until it becomes so familiar, it actually becomes a part of your self-image. It simply can’t be stated too often – your confidence during an interview should be obvious and genuine.
9. Gather your materials.The day before the interview, gather your materials and place them in a briefcase or attaché. Don’t have one? Buy one or borrow one. It’s another opportunity to project that professional image you wear so well. Bring extra copies of your resume in a manila envelop. Bring a pad and pencil to take notes. Bring a calculator (you never know). Bring your address book and copies of your business card. If you’ve been asked to provide additional information (school transcripts, e.g.) make sure you’ve got clean copies ready to hand over.
10. Sleep tight.You’ve done it all. You’ve prepared yourself; you’ve built your confidence so you can look the interviewer straight in the eye. You are ready to rock ‘n’ roll! Okay, too psyched. You’ll never get to sleep. The night before the interview, go to bed early. Have some warm milk, coco or herbal tea (stay away from the 3rd scotch). Relax. Set the alarm and sleep comfortably in the knowledge that you’re as prepared as you’ll ever be. No, not every interview will be a success. You won’t get the job every time – but don’t take it personally. It’s not about you; it’s about the needs of the company. However, you can increase the chances of success by presenting a professional, prepared, and confident you to the interviewer. That’s how you turn an interview into a job offer.
You’re hired!
Teena Rose is a columnist, public speaker, and certified/published resume writer with Resume to Referral. She’s authored several books, including “20-Minute Cover Letter Fixer <http://www.resumebycprw.com/cover-letter-fixer.htm>” and “Cracking the Code to Pharmaceutical Sales <http://www.resumebycprw.com/resume_pharm_book.htm>.”
Creating a Breeding Ground for Successors
I recently had a coaching session with an executive who is a SuperBusy Parent. She was having difficulty stepping into her new role as a leader and creating a highly effective team that she could count on for results. As I coached her, we created a plan to create the right environment to support her success.
I’d like to share this article that was written by Teena Rose (an author, columnist, public speaker, and certified/published resume writer) about how you could create the right environment for your team to flourish. It offers valuable advice!
You’ve invested years in your industry and many long hours developing your executive career and supporting team. How do you generate an environment that fosters a breeding ground for quality successors? The process begins with you and extends to your corporate culture and the atmosphere you create for your team.
Lead by Example
To help your team succeed, you need to implement an effective corporate culture. This goes beyond fostering a “team oriented” environment and extends into all aspects of your business. Demonstrate the attitudes you want to see in your managers. Company culture does not work if the top executives say they want the company to operate one way while acting another. Be willing to “work the trenches.” One key way to grow quality successors is by leading through example. Demonstrate the kind of work you want to see in your team by doing it yourself. The days of the executive locked away in the top floor office are gone.
Provide the Tools
Keep up on current business trends and be willing to adapt to change. As processes and technologies evolve, so too should your business. Offer opportunities for your employees to learn and shine. Personal growth cultivates company growth. This also creates an atmosphere of anticipating and working through change, which is a benefit to any company. In today’s business world, nothing is stagnant. Executive coaching options abound, from individual coaching to team building workshops. Research the best tools for your team, and then make them available. The best executive coach in the world won’t do you any good if you don’t make the first contact. Let
Your Team Know When They’ve Done it Right
If an employee or group accomplishes a difficult task or puts in the extra effort on a project, reward them with public recognition. Not only does this help boost morale, but it also lets your employees know what they are doing correctly, which will lead to repeat performances. It is all too easy to let someone know when he or she does not live up to expectations, but if your goal is to develop a successor or group of successors, informing others of the desired traits is also highly useful.
Value Your Team
When you give credit where it is due, you show your team that their work is valued. If employees do not feel valued in the workplace, they will likely seek elsewhere. Today’s manager does not believe in staying with the same company for years. The length of time someone stays with a company is often measured in a few short years. This not encouraging to those who are developing today’s talent into tomorrow’s successors.
One way for your management team to feel valued is through opportunities to make a difference. For the executive seeking a successor, this provides an excellent method of observing talent and screening out those individuals who show the most promise and dedication. It’s a winning situation for all involved, even when projects fall flat. Your future leaders will learn from mistakes and apply that information when the opportunity comes around again.
These situations also provide you with prime breeding ground for developing successors by growing your talent through the difficulties of business, which leads to the final point.
Grow Your Talent
You’ve likely heard a lot about attracting and maintaining talent, and certainly employing the help of executive recruiters is useful. However, one of the best ways to create a winning team is to develop it. Attracting and maintaining talent goes beyond an alluring salary. Today’s workforce, including managers and executives, are looking for value that cannot be measured in dollars. This means allowing people to use and develop their talents. Winning companies know how to identify their managers’ strongest characteristics and develop them into top executives based on those strengths. Companies that struggle tend to spend a lot of energy attracting new talent but falling short of allowing that talent the room to grow.
As with any plan worth undertaking, developing quality talent takes work and effort. However, when you consider how long it took you to get to the point of needing a successor, the effort becomes clear. The reward of growing a pool of successors is well worth it and goes beyond your legacy. Your team, company, and stakeholders will thank you for it as well.
Teena Rose is a columnist, public speaker, and certified/published resume <http://www.resumebycprw.com/> writer with Resume to Referral [http://www.resumebycprw.com]. She’s authored several books, including “20-Minute Cover Letter Fixer <http://www.resumebycprw.com/cover-letter-fixer.htm>” and “Cracking the Code to Pharmaceutical Sales <http://www.resumebycprw.com/resume_pharm_book.htm>.”
Read more articles from Teena Rose by visiting <http://www.resumebycprw.com/resume_articles.htm>
When Life Comes Crashing to a Halt
Life can come crashing to a halt for any number of reasons, including (but certainly not limited to) illnesses, accidents, deaths, or any unplanned event or occurance. For me, this happened yesterday.
I was scheduled for a biopsy at 10 am but they requested that I arrive by 9. After completing all of the paperwork and changing they put me in a room to wait. The room had a small TV but nothing else. I didn’t bring anything else with me and my purse which contained my personal belongings (including my cell phone, my checkbook that needed reconcilliation, and a new tool I’m working on for my coaching clients) were locked up in another area.
I was finally brought down to the prep area some time after noon. During my over 3 hour wait, I was requested to lay in bed and relax. Initially, this was easy because I seldom watch TV and rarely, if ever, lay around doing nothing in the middle of the day. However, as time passed and the President of the US came on TV to deliver a message, it became increasingly difficult to just stay there doing nothing. I thought about work I could be doing, calls I needed to make, speaking events I needed to confirm, housework I needed to do, and the stuff in my pocketbook that was away in a locker, and so forth. I grew more restless, agitated and impatient as time went on. I began asking the nurses when I’d be going downstairs for my procedure.
Although my SuperBusy life came crashing to a halt, I was where I needed to be, proactively addressing a medical issue. I wasn’t enjoying my time there, though. I could feel myself growing more angry and wanting to yell at the nurses I saw standing around in another area of the unit conducting a meeting. Initially, I thought they forgot about me and this fed my frustration leading to more intense feelings of anger.
Once I decided to find ways to shift my perspective, the anger dissipitated and I communicated in a more friendly way. I chose to be in the present and to stop letting my mind wander off into all of the possible scenarios of what might happen and why I was feeling disrespected. As my thoughts and actions changed, so did the response I received from the nurses. They explained the reason for the delay and looked for ways to make me more comfortable.
I learned to relax, to slow down, to ask for what I needed in a friendly way, and to stay positive. I feel fortunate that during the rest of the day, things definitely changed for the better. The assistant who wheeled me downstairs chatted with me about his career and his passions, the assistant in the radiology area spoke to me about what to expect, and the doctor very thoroughly described the procedure, my options, the pro’s and con’s of each, and answered all of my questions without making me feel rushed. (I suppose this level of personal care is what backed up that part of the hospital several hours.) The attention to details and to my comfort continued during and after the procedure. It really made a lot of difference as to how I felt as a patient.
When I was brought back upstairs, they provided me with a quiet private room, brought me something to eat, extra blankets and pillows. My nurse was totally responsive and I felt special. Fortunately this treatment continued up until when I left. She even went out of her way to welcome my daughter and mother-in-law when they came to pick me up.
I don’t know if we really attract different treatment based on our attitude but my experience yesterday demonstrated that my positive and friendly attitude got me a different response at the hospital. It continued when we went out to eat, stopped at a store, and went back home. It’s sometimes difficult to accept others to nurture me or to express my gratitude for a job well done. Well, yesterday, I did thank everyone around me and enveloped myself with the love and care I felt. It was terrific! So, even when your SuperBusy life comes crashing to a halt, you can find joy and gratitude in everything around you if you choose to!
More Busy-ness
I was around other SuperBusy parents again this weekend. On Friday night I attended a home party for Arbonne and Saturday I went to my son’s basketball game. As I ran into people I hadn’t seen in some time the initial conversation was relatively the same every time, even when I eavesdropped on others conversations.
It went something like, “Hi, How are you? How are things? What’s new?” and the response somewhere in the first 10 seconds was about how busy life is. Are we really as busy as we say we are? Or, is it somehow acceptable and almost a sort of badge of honor.
I often wonder about this and about whether it’s something only experienced in my town of Hillsborough, in NJ, in the US or everywhere. I’d love to see comments from others around the world about this busy-ness thing. What are people so busy doing and are they really as busy as they say they are?
Time out
I took time out of my SuperBusy life yesterday to participate in Girl Scout Day at a ski lodge in Pennsylvania. I packed my briefcase full of work and brought a book to read so that I was set for the day. I intended on ‘relaxing’ in the ski lodge while my husband and kids skiied and snowboarded. I told myself a number of reasons why it was more important for me to stay in the lodge and only pop out once in a while to check in on things. My excuses were many…from I don’t like being outside in the cold weather, to I stink at skiing (least I did last time I skiied 10-20 years ago!), I need to be in the lodge in case someone wants to take a break, and even that it would be too hard on my knees (like running isn’t!?!?).
The weather was beautiful–somewhere in the 50′s. It wasn’t very crowded when we first got there. The conditions were better than I expected. And, I knew that my kids would really love for me to join them rather than staying in the lodge. So, after I got everybody settled with their rental equipment and up the lift chairs, I went back to the car to drop off my briefcase and change into my ski pants (that I brought just in case I changed my mind!). As I saw bus load after bus load pull into the parking lot, I was ready to change my mind again because I didn’t feel like skiing in a crowd or waiting on long lift lines.
Although there were so many reasons to hold back, the strongest most compelling reason not to was that I might have lots of unexpected fun with my family. The work stayed in my briefcase in the car. I focused on just enjoying my self. And, boy did I! I enjoyed being out in the fresh air, casual conversations on the lift chair, thinking about my skiing memories from years gone by when my husband and I first met and were dating, gaining confidence as I went from the bunny slope to the next hill and the next one up from that, and laughing, and laughing some more! My kids were thrilled to see me doing something better than they expected.
No, I’m still not an expert skier; I’ll probably never be because my fear holds me back and I certainly don’t do it very often. However, I have experienced the joy of taking time out and choosing to have fun. I loved being with my family (even though I was always the last one down the mountain!).
I think everyone could sure enjoy time out of their SuperBusy life!
What’s Super Busy??
Naming a book is a bit of a challenging process. When I began writing “Succeeding as a Super Busy Parent” I had a working title that I don’t even remember anymore. However, I do recall that I changed my title several times and in the end selected the title based on input from subscribers to my free weekly e-newsletter.
Just about every time I was out at my children’s activities and events I ran across other parents who told me they were “sooo busy” when I asked them how they were or what was new. It seemed to be a common theme for today’s parents. Parents clearly are busy taking care of their family, home and self, maintaining relationships with others, and working inside or outside of the home. Children are enrolled in many activities that require a high level of commitment from the family, as well as the child. Competitive sports with arduous schedules are offered at increasingly early ages. There’s little time left for anything else!
So, what’s SuperBusy
I’ve been there myself (more times than I want to admit)! I know how frustrating, exhilirating, anxiety-producing, and fun life can be. Utilizing more effective strategies, attitudes and behaviors will help you enjoy life more. I’ll be sharing some tips and strategies, as well as personal mishaps and client stories in this BLOG. I also invite you to share your own experiences as a SuperBusy Parent here in this forum—the good and the bad. We all can learn from each others trials and tributes!
Coach Natalie Gahrmann
Welcome to Coach Natalie’s Blog about Success Stories and Challenges of Super Busy Parents!
