Anticipate Summer Childcare Needs
Sure, it’s only the beginning of spring, but if you haven’t started making plans for summer care for your children, vacation plans, and revised work schedules you may already be too late for some options. Camp programs that are perceived as the best fill up fast. Hot vacation spots quickly become booked and sold out.
Decide what type of childcare or camp you will need to for your children. Younger children, of course, need more care and supervision, whereas, older kids want more activities and trips. Some children are old enough to spend time alone (but do you really want your children unsupervised every day for large periods of time?) Perhaps, you can arrange with a neighbor or friend to be available for your children and keep an eye on things.
Depending on their ages, a job at a camp, with a landscaper or other seasonal help may be perfect to keep them busy. Your children would have the opportunity to earn money and you can breathe a sigh of relief because you know where they are, what they’re doing and whom they’re doing it with.
Parents who are home often welcome a mother’s helper (usually a 10-12 year old who is not quite old enough in most cases to babysit on their own). Local businesses may offer internships or apprentice programs to help young teens learn about business. In some cases, your employer may permit and welcome some extra help during the summer.
Summer camp programs are a viable option for your children. There are several million children ranging from age 3 through 16 enrolled in summer camp each year. The programs are either a day camp or an overnight schedule. Camp programs are available for just about every interest and length of time. Consider your child’s interests and you may be able to find a camp that offers programs specifically in his/her interest area. In addition, in some areas there are summer enrichment programs offered either independently or through the local school system. You may be able to use the summer as an opportunity to have your child catch up in a subject he/she is falling behind or take extra classes in an area of interest.
If you are interested in hiring a babysitter or nanny to watch your children during the summer, determine what your needs and requirement are first. Seek out candidates through agencies, advertisements and referrals. Interview each candidate and check references. When you’ve selected the person you want to hire, train her (or him) yourself. Be sure your caretaker understands your wants and needs and can adequately supervise your children. Discuss your rules and restrictions and be sure your caretaker understands them. Decide whether or not you will permit your caretaker to drive with your children in the car, where he/she is allowed to take your children, where your children may play in the neighborhood, and, if swimming will be permitted.
You must be confident in the care you arrange for your children so that you can concentrate at work without constant worry or interruption with their phone calls. You cannot wait until last minute to plan for the summer.
Coping with “To-Do” Overload
Research continues to show that we considerably perform better and faster when tasks are done sequentially rather than all at once, as in multitasking. Brain function diminishes as we work on projects simultaneously or switch between several different tasks.
Here are some quick tips to better cope with your overloaded to-do list:
- When mistakes matter, avoid multitasking!
- When you must multitask, choose what you want to execute quickly and (possibly) mindlessly rather than be able to absorb or concentrate on it.
- When you want to learn something new, focus on that one item.
- Pair different kinds of tasks rather than tasks that are relatively the same because same types use the same part of the brain and can easily lead to overwhelm or mistakes.
- Match tasks with different modalities, such as listening to music with no lyrics while reading instead of music with lyrics because the brain gets confused with too many words to process at once.
- Focus on each task’s relative importance. For example, rather than just playing a video game, pay attention to specific aspects of the game and then evaluate how well your performance improves in that area.
- Make at least one task routine. As you repeat a task, you increase your competence and confidence at completing it. If you repeat a set of skills over and over in exactly the same way, you are likely to get noticeably better.
Results tend to be worse when you multitask but in some cases, they’re especially compromised.
Re-Orient your Life Around Values
I am currently working with a successful entrepreneur on establishing Core Values for his Corporation. In doing so, I am reminded of the importance of recognizing your most important values and living your life each and every day based on these ‘rules’. Whether for your business, or for your life, clearly identifying your core values will help you achieve what’s most meaningful with the highest degree of integrity, pride and satisfaction.
Your life can be deeply enhanced when you intertwine your values into your overall framework for life. Aligning your work and life around your personal values will help you achieve the greatest levels of success. Your values help you establish more congruency in your life and increase your capacity for having an abundance of joy and happiness.
Your values are:
- what you are naturally inclined or drawn toward;
- what you are eager to do;
- what brings you fulfillment;
- what you do with little effort;
- your strongest beliefs;
- your internal motivator;
- the only sustainable basis for goal-setting;
- and, your heart and soul
Values are the core of who you are—not who you would like to be or who you think you should be. You are your values—they make up who you are, what you want and how you live. Like you mature, change and grow your values may also change over time. By gaining a better understanding of your values today you can begin incorporating your values into your life and creating a strong foundation which will be able to support you in every other way—including how you bring yourself to your work.
Your values represent your unique and individual essence. When you are engaged in activities aligned with your values, you feel most like yourself—well, connected, excited, glowing and effortless. However, when what you are doing conflicts with what is truly important to you, feelings of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, frustration and stress occur most often because your values are conflicting with your lifestyle and choices.
Values are linked very closely with your integrity. Integrity is when your external behaviors are closely aligned with your inner values; when your actions match your inner belief system, you are operating in integrity and using your values to drive your choices in life.
Your values run deep within you and are often disguised when danger is sensed. Danger in this case is anything that may interfere with or intrude on your values such as: needs, obligations, roles, problems, should’s , tolerations, stress, money, guilt, addictions or adrenaline.
The process of clarifying values is often difficult to do on your own. You can extract your core values based on what is most important to you, your actions, and the things you choose to do and not do in your life. The activities you engage in are usually an observable demonstration of your values; sometimes, though, your values are neglected so it’s harder to identify them. Working with the services of a professional coach, can help you with the process.
For more information, and some tips to help you identify your values, read the ”Live by Your Values” article on my website or contact me to arrange an introductory coaching session. http://www.theprioritypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Article-Live-by-your-Values-MBM-7-03.pdf
Greeting Card Saga
Years ago when I became a mom for the first time it seemed everyone wanted to hear about the newest addition to our family and see pictures of him (so I thought!!!). So, I began writing and sending an annual holiday newsletter with pictures, letters and photos that evolved over the years to include separate columns for every member of the family (with my kids eventually writing their own with much coaxing!).
Sending out these newsletters was on the top of the list of priorities for a dozen years that I could remember. The planning would begin months in advance. The list of recipients grew to include not only close friends and family but business colleagues, associates and clients. Most people expressed joy in receiving it and looked forward to getting their annual update and greetings from us. Several joked about how I must have had too much free time or that I falesly believed that people really cared about what my kids were doing, how they were doing at school and what my husband and I were doing in our careers and personal lives.
But after carefully crafting the newsletter for over a decade, I finally came to the difficult conclusion that it wasn’t a priority anymore. That year, I reluctantly sent out one of those picture cards of the family. The next year, another photo greeting card. The following year, a store-bought card with a hand-written note and a separate family photo. Then, last year, a card with no photo…just a signature!
This year, I wasn’t even going to send out cards! I reflected on how important cards (and newsletters) were to me over the years and how they lost their importance in the busyness of life. I chose a reactive method of sending out holiday greetings in response to those I received and didn’t send any out in addition.
So, as the saga continues, next year as my eldest finishes high school and my youngest begins, I will again revisit the holiday greeting card ritual to evalutate the importance of the tradition, possible alternatives, and then decide what 2012 brings.
What holiday traditions are most important to you?
Have these holiday traditions held the same level of importance over the years? If not, how have they changed?
What new traditions have you put in place in recent years?
What traditions have you eliminated?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!! Share your thoughts and answers to these questions in the comments section below. And…don’t be checking your mailbox for a holiday greeting card from me this year, unless you sent me one first!
Happy Holidays to all and to all a healthy and successful New Year!
Restore Balance
With an added flurry of activities to complete in preparation for the holiday season, it’s vitally important that you continually and consciously restore your sense of balance.
Here are a few places to start:
- Set Realistic Goals – Establish goals for yourself based on your key priorities. For example, if being physically fit is highly important to you, then create an exercise plan and schedule time daily to honor it. Be sure your goals are positively-based (e.g., to be strong and healthy) vs. negatively-based (e.g., to lose 30 pounts). Avoid being all things to all people!
- Minimize the Clutter – Unfortunately, most of us have clutter some where in our lives, either in our office, our car, at home, or in our head! Manage that clutter so that it doesn’t accumulate. Filter what comes in to your spaces. Being in a clean, clutter-free zone will provide you with a sense of peace and the feeling of having some control over at least part of your environment.
- Detach regularly – Allow yourself some time to disconnect from the demands of work. Avoid checking email, texts, instant messages at least every once in a while to give yourself a break and to differentiate the important from the urgent.
- Set stronger boundaries – One of the most important things you can do to preserve your health and well-being while minimizing stress and overwhelm is to say “no” to demands placed upon you. Realize that you don’t need to accept every invitiation, assignment, project, etc. offered to you.
- Ask for help – Rather than suffering in silence, anger or frustration speak up and ask for help. Very often, famiy members, friends, neighbors or co-workers would be thrilled to help if they only knew you needed it. Anticipate whenever possible, so that you have help readily available before you have a meltdown!
Create SUCCESS on your own Terms
Researchers frequently study traits of successful people. I find that it’s important for each individual to first define what success means to him/her. When you know this criterion for yourself, you can track, measure and attain it. Every adult seems to have conflicting demands and multiple priorities these days. Those who endure success despite these ongoing challenges have a few key things in common, they:
- seize opportunities as they present themselves
- avoid regret by making sound decisions in their life and their work
- have positive energy that helps them focus on enjoying the present
When success seems elusive for an individual it is usually due to a mismatch between your core values, needs, goals, beliefs, and strengths—who you are and what you’re trying to achieve. When who you are and what you are doing are not aligned, it creates undue stress, frustration, worry and overwhelm. Also, when you rely too heavily on one or two strengths rather than leveraging a variety of your strengths, you’re less likely to achieve your highest levels of success.
In the 2002 study by Harvard Business School professor Howard Stevenson and his senior research fellow, Laura Nash, they discovered that success that endures stems from four key sources that may seem contradictory but yet are all necessary: achievement, happiness, significance, and a legacy.
Achievement: Do you measure accomplishments against an external goal? Power, wealth, recognition, competition against others.
Happiness: Is there contentment or pleasure with and about your life?
Significance: Do you have a valued impact on others whom you choose?
Legacy: Have you infused your values and your accomplishments into the lives of others to leave something behind?
These four satisfactions are very different from each other, he said. To learn more about Dr. Stevenson’s findings and how they apply to you, click here.
Turn it OFF!
That’s right…turn off your cell phone, pager, PDA and other electronic communication devices for the next 60 minutes! Don’t just put them on vibrate or silent mode but turn them off (as if the battery died). During this period, fully concentrate on whatever task you have at hand. Give yourself the opportunity to perform at your best! Although you may feel some anxiety (or withdrawal) see how it affects your productivity. Let me know the difference!!
Reality Hits the Road
You may have had some sort of training along the way that helped lead you to your success, organizing, time management, goal-setting, right?
This isn’t about the basic time management skills or stress management 101. Take those principles you’ve learned like, (Covey’s) four quadrants, (Morgenstern’s) categorizing using the A, B, C’s for your task priorities, (Allen’s) integrated system of stress-free productivity and put them to the reality test.
What happens?
Unfortunately, many of these outstanding systems don’t work. Not because they’re not effective systems, but because people don’t fully implement them. Then, they give us and resort to their old ways, sometimes thinking that their situation is hopeless.
For instance, you start your day with a list or framework of what you are going to accomplish. You know what’s most important, you know what decisions need to be made but then, unfortunately, reality hits the road—
…the phone rings endlessly, the system goes down, your boss has a crisis that needs your immediate attention, you have some irate customers, a colleague plants themselves in the corner chair in your office to talk about her personal issues, you get an urgent message from the school that one of your kids has gotten hurt, etc.
The problem isn’t about managing time; it’s about managing all these interruptions. These distract you from accomplishing what you set out to do each day and if you don’t re-prioritize on a dime, ask questions to clarify importance and timeline, focus on what’s most important, delegate, be flexible (to a point), block out distractions, and say “no” when appropriate you may increase your stress, decrease your productivity and feel dissatisfied in what you’re able to accomplish on any given day.
Flip your BUT
Most of us encounter obstacles on the road to achieving our goals. Through several experiences of working with my coaching clients and continuous learning opportunities, I have learned to turn these obstacles into stepping stones. If you’d like to learn how to turn problems and challenges into progress too, read on!
The first and probably most important point is that examining the problem in-depth rarely works because instead of focusing on solutions, you’re caught analyzing or dissecting the problem. Once you clearly identify the problem, increase your ability to make wise decisions by flipping over that obstacle to see what opportunities are available beyond it. If you remain caught up in looking at the problem, it will expand in your reality and you won’t be able to reach your goals. You’ll become either a victim who complains about the problem but doesn’t take any concrete steps to change the situation, or a quitter who gives up on the original goal and chooses a different path to pursue.
So, as you come across obstacles along the path to your goals, reflect on the hidden meaning of what it may be trying to tell you. Often, hidden within the pain of your problem are the seeds of what you really want. Clearly define what you’re hoping to achieve; redefine your goal. Be aware of the “buts” and flip them into “ands”.
Several years ago I had the fortuitous experience to work with some masterful coaches at a coach training school. I learned the technique of “flipping” my but and I’ve used it successfully myself, with audiences and with individual coaching clients. For example, if your goal is to get a new car BUT you can’t afford it, and you flip the “but” to an “AND” you’d be saying something like, “I want a new care AND I want to be able to easily afford the payments”. The sentence started with your goal to get a new car but ended abruptly at the BUT. It’s set up a conflict that cannot be resolved as long as the two things are seen as mutually exclusive.
Here’s another example…”I want to make more money, BUT I don’t want to work 60-80 hours a week”. If you flip the second half of this statement and combine it with the goal in the first part, you’ll end up with a powerful new goal such as, “I want to make more money AND work just 40 hours a week”. When you do this, you stop negating your goals, and start creating exactly what you want.
Do this exercise with one of your current goals. Fill in the blanks as indicated:
I want _____________________________________ BUT _______________________.
(your goal) (the obstacle)
Then, turn the “but” into an “and” below:
I want ______________________________________ AND ______________________.
(your goal) (your goal)
Once you’ve stated your new more powerful goal, start asking yourself questions like, “How can I get a great new car with payments I can afford?” or “How can I increase my salary while working while working less and earning more?” Keep asking these questions and other empowering questions so that you can engage both your conscious and your subconscious minds working towards finding solutions for you. This simple process of flipping the but works similarly when you have conflicting priorities. For example, “I want to attend the professional association meeting this evening but I promised my son that I’d attend his track meet”. When flipping the “but” to an “and”, I searched for an alternative or a solution that would allow me to do both and as a result I planned on dialing into the meeting and listening to the speaker while I watched my son run track.
Often when clients get this far in the process of achieving their goals, they let fear immobilize them. However, now that you’ve developed some empowering questions to move you toward your goal, the key is to get into action. Action is the perfect antidote for fear. As you take steps towards your goal, you can keep using this process as the evil “BUT” monster shows up. The fear of change, even positive change, can keep you stuck or push you back into victim or quitter mode. Feeling like you are stuck, or have no alternatives, dis-empowers you to achieve your goals.
Determine your goal and what’s stopping you so that you can flip that “BUT” to an “AND” and move yourself through empowering questions into deliberate action toward achieving your goals. If you feel you can’t do it alone, contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com or call 908-281-7098 and I’ll be happy to explore how working with me as your coach can help you achieve your desired goals. With over a decade of experience and tangible results, let me help you attain your goals!
Overcome Guilt
Is guilt getting the best of you???
Guilt…it’s all around us! Wherever I go, I hear someone complaining about “feeling guilty”. For some reason though, this seems to be more widespread with women than with men. Women are guilty for not spending enough time with their children, their girlfriends, their spouse or their extended families, neighbors, and community; their guilty for not providing healthy meals; their guilty for how they look, what they eat, what they do or don’t do; they’re guilty for not exercising; they’re guilty for spending too much; and so much more!
What are we doing to ourselves??
Why are we trying to be everything to everyone…setting unrealistic expectations…and then beating ourselves up for not meeting these standards?
Interestingly, in an article in the June/July issue of Working Mother magazine, they reveal results of a poll they conducted. They found that 57% of respondents feel guilty every day, while 31% feel guilty at least once a week. That’s a lot of guilt!
I used to carry a lot of guilt with me. Fortunately, throughout the years of working with others to help them be more focused and aligned with their top priorities, making a lot of my own mistakes, and maturing enough to be confident about who I am, I’ve been able to make more conscious decisions and feel less guilty. I’ve also learned more healthy strategies such as working out, keeping things in perspective, and simply getting over it. Sometimes, journaling, talking with my coach or a friend I can confide in will also help me through those negative feelings.
If you get caught up in the negative cycle of thoughts commonly associated with guilt, it can be very destructive.
So, I’m really curious, how do you cope with guilt? What causes you guilt? And, to help all of us realize that we’re not alone, what’s your guilt confession? (Tell me yours…and I’ll tell you mine!)
Please comment below! And, if you want to learn more techniques for handling your guilt, visit my site for a free article about the Top Guilt Busters or contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com to arrange an introductory coaching session. I’ll also be blogging about guilt
