Keep things in Perspective
Brian Dyson, the CEO, of Coca Cola was quoted as saying…”.
“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some 5 balls…you name them: work, family, health, friends and spirit; and you are juggling these five balls in the air. You will realise that work is a rubber ball and that if you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other balls: family health, friends and spirit, are made of glass. If you drop these then they will be irrevocably nicked, scuffed, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand this as you strive for balance in your life”
Keep the Big Picture view and keep things in your super busy life in a healthier perspective.
Overwhelmed Super Busy Mom
I received a query today from a new mother who is nursing her 8-month daughter. During her maternity leave she was offered and accepted a promotion which requires more responsibility and travel. She informed her management that travel would be an issue while nursing her baby and they understood. During the summer when she returned to work, they didn’t ask her to travel, but she was asked to travel oversees in September. The trip was postponed to October and then cancelled because some of the key players were not able to attend. She’s also been asked to travel to Mexico and Germany. Her boss has been supportive so far, but she is beginning to feel pressured to travel for her job as an Associate Director.
A trip to Singapore is scheduled for December. The flight is 19 hours and the time difference is 12 hours. The meeting is 5 days long. She will need to leave on a Friday to arrive on a Sunday for a meeting on Monday. She is considering bringing her husband and daughter along, but the thought of having her on the plane for 19 hours, then staying at a hotel, changing her schedule so drastically and her
routine, going to a country she’s never been to is very scary. And, on the other hand, the thought of being separated from her family for nearly 10 days is just as stressful.
She works long hours, normally 7 am-7 pm daily. Working from home is not an option. She has a long commute. Her husband stays home with her daughter but is willing to resume work, if necessary (although he hasn’t found a position at the same pay level). She also has many evening commitments for business dinners that she must attend.
Her sister recommends that she move out of her management role and back to an individual contributor role that is less responsibility. Her sister has also suggested that she change companies and work for a company that is more
work-from-home friendly. Sometimes sisters, friends, and other family members offer good advice but it’s important to make your own choices in your life based on what’s really best for you.
She feels that she’s worked hard for her position. She generally likes the company she works for and feels that they’ve given her many good opportunities during the past 4 years since she started. She is one of the few women in a management role in a traditional male-dominated company. She really wants to be able to provide her daughter with the best of everything (i.e. private school, after school programs, etc) and she also wants to be able to spend more time with her. She wants to work but her career drive is different since she had her baby.
She turned to me for help deciding on whether or not to take the trip to Singapore in December and to explore her options for working. This is a fairly common scenario as many moms have their values shift after we become moms.
I’d love to hear your thoughts…especially if you’ve been in a similar situation. Please email me at natalie@superbusyparent.com.
Thanks!
Yours truly,
Coach Natalie
Reverse Negative Self-Talk
Who has time in their super busy life to get in their own way?!?!
Well, what you say to yourself radically effects the quality of your life, and your ability to do things effectively. This self-talk is your internal dialog—the words and phrases you use when you talk to yourself and think about things. Your self-talk reflects and creates your emotional states. It can cause you to feel calm or worried, depending on what you tell yourself. When you use words like “impossible”, “never”, “always”, “more problems,” and “I can’t” it de-motivates you and influences your self-esteem, outlook, energy level, performance, and relationships with yourself and others. It can adversely affect your health.
Fortunately, I’ve experienced how changing the patterns of self-talk can provide more positive alternatives. In one example, I was working with a group of moms during a coaching program we called, “Maximizing Motherhood”. I noticed that many of them quite frequently put themselves down. When I shared this observation, the moms chose to commit to alleviating this habit. So, over the course of the program they put a dollar in the jar to represent each time they used negative self-talk. This helped create an awareness of it and provided a forum to discuss it and practice more positive alternatives. They became very good at observing themselves and catching themselves in this negative pattern.
Below are some of the things that positive and negative people say. Look at the difference, and start talking to yourself in constructive ways, if you don’t already.
Negative Self Talk
When negative people explain bad things, they internalize them (“I’m so stupid/clumsy/fogetful.”), consider them permanent (“It’ll never happen.”), and generalize (“Life sucks…it’s too super busy.”). When they explain good things, they externalize them (“I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.”), consider them temporary (“That went well TODAY.”), and see them only in a specific context (“At least THIS went right.”).
Positive Self Talk
When positive people explain bad things, they externalize them (“The weather caused it.”), consider them temporary (“That was a rough couple hours.”), and see them as isolated (“THAT part of the plan didn’t work, but…”). When they explain good things, they internalize them (“Life is great!”), consider them to be more or less permanent changes (“Now I know how to do this.”), and generalize from them (“Things are working out well.”).
Become more aware of your thoughts and what you say to yourself. Catch yourself when you say negative comments and reverse that negative self-talk. Break the pattern and you’ll feel so much better about yourself!
Try this…it really works.
Best regards,
Coach Natalie
Stretching Outside Your Comfort Zone
My nine year old daughter gave me the confidence to participate in a speech contest the other day. It was through her attitude and her behavior that I welcomed the opportunity to experience the contest. I had a bunch of excuses initially….”I’m too busy”, “it’s not a good use of my time”, “I’m not good enough”, “it really doesn’t matter”. Then, remarkably it was something about her determination and courage to audition for a play that motivated me to just give it a shot.
I have experienced this same type of self-doubt from clients, as well. They hide behind their super busy life as an excuse to avoid risks or make changes. This experience brought me more self-confidence in exchange for a small investment of time. It provided an opportunity to experience participating in a contest against other skilled speakers. It provided a positive affirmation that I am an excellent speaker. Ironically, after I had my turn to speak and felt satisfied with my results, how I was evaluated by the judges didn’t matter. The fact that I had come to the event with a strong intention to do my best and to enjoy the experience was gratifying enough because I followed through on my commitment and stepped out of my comfort zone. I am pursuing my dream to become an excellent professional speaker. Winning first place in the contest and getting excellent feedback from the audience was the icing on the cake!
So, when you are faced with a situation that stretches you outside of your comfort zone to help you pursue your dreams and goals….remember, it is worth your time and attention even though you are a super busy parent!
Sincerely yours,
Coach Natalie
