It’s not JUST ABOUT Work-Life Balance
I have studied work-life balance for well over a decade and conclude that the key reason why there’s still a gap for employers, business owners, and employees despite millions being spent in programs is because these opportunities are mostly all externally-focused. Thus, work-life balance as we’ve known for years has been primarily focused on programs, services, benefits, and the like while neglecting that true balance is internally-driven. The symptoms often associated with unbalance include overwhelm, burnout, stress and other mental, physiological and emotional issues. Yet the programs, although helpful, don’t fully address the problem.
Balance is derived from a sense of harmony, peace and alignment. One who works 90 hours a week could actually be more balanced than someone who doesn’t even work at all. Balance is about knowing what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and feeling that sense of control over your life. When you’ve usurped power of your life to someone or something, it’s that powerlessness that causes feeling of imbalance.
Some of the more popular programs including childcare, elder care, concierge services, health and wellness benefits, flextime, telecommuting, and job share help ease the burden of working long hours while managing a life outside work. They also allow for working longer hours. Yet true work-life balance is about being aligned, making the right choices for you.
My studies have revealed that it’s not just about work-life balance, time management, stress management, or increasing productivity but all these things combined to help each individual overcome what I call Obsessive Distraction Disorder (or O.D.D. for short!). Distractions increase when you’re not aligned with what’s most important to you! By targeting what matters most, decisions are based on top priorities—what’s most important to you!
The typical work-life program offerings help create more time and sanity. However, time spent unwisely is still time lost; time that can never be recaptured! Unlike other resources, time is not a renewable resource. Therefore, it’s highly important to recognize what’s most important in all aspects of your life and realign around those things. Be crystal clear about your values, integrity, needs, purpose and priorities.
Remember the old adage…it’s not about working harder, but working smarter. In this case, think more broadly, work is a part of your life that serves a specific purpose, so LIVE SMARTER, not harder! Make wise choices aligned with what matters most to you!
Make Conscientious Decisions
We all have both big and small decisions to make on a daily basis. Decision-making is a key role for any manager or leader. However fear of failure and lack of clarity may prohibit some from making timely decisions.
After helping so many coaching clients and audiences focus on their priorities, it was time for me to practice what I preach! After playing a key role on the Board of my professional association, I enthusiastically agreed to continue in the role. However, as the work was concluding for the current year, I was feeling myself slightly burning out, frustrated and resentful. This is a sure indication that my boundaries weren’t being respected. Problem is, it was me who wasn’t respecting my own limits and boundaries! I enjoyed contributing to the organization, gaining recognition and acknowledgement and was so caught up in that that I nearly missed the signs! And, I had an important decision to make.
When you feel yourself feeling burned out, frustrated or resentful, chances are you are experiencing the same signs. It’s important to recognize these symptoms and assess the situation. In this case, I had to make a quick decision because the ballot was set to go out in just a few days. If I had mixed feelings about continuing, I needed to explore this and see what it meant.
I’ve shared the process I used with a couple of my colleagues and they encouraged me to share it with you! So, this is my process…
1. Get absolutely clear about the problem at its root cause. To do this I created some quiet time and space for myself for clear introspection. What I discovered is that I had over-committed to the organization at the expense of my business, family and myself.
2. Evaluate and assess the implications. I explored the implications of continuing as well as the possible consequences of not. Again, I got more clarity and increased my focus about what is most important to me. I did a bit of a cost-benefit analysis using time and energy as my highest cost factors and opportunity missed cost to assess time spent on volunteer work rather than on revenue producing business activities.
3. Test my decision. I wrote out my resignation letter on a notebook page and just left it overnight. In the morning, I checked in with myself and asked: Am I feeling a sense of relief or a sense of remorse?
4. Explore different perspectives. I looked at the problem through a couple of different perspectives. I weighed the pros and cons to me, the organization, and my family.
5. Re-test my decision. Still feeling a bit ambivalent about making the right decision for me and the organization, I typed my resignation letter and just left it again. And, again, I asked myself: Am I feeling a sense of relief or a sense of remorse? I was still feeling an incredible sense of relief at the impending decision to leave the Board and shift my energy to my top priorities in my work, personal and family life.
6. Commit to my choice. As difficult as it was, I knew that it was the right decision for me! With some reluctance, I hit the send button in my email that I typed out earlier. My note was brief. I did not choose to elaborate on the rationale of my decision because I know that it’s important to be succinct and to the point. In situations like this, when one chooses to say “no”, I’ve seen people coaxed into changing their mind because they’ve shared too much information and I’ve also seen people burn bridges with accusations, blame and finger-pointing. Being clear and concise will help you stand by your decision,as it helped me!
There is not just one way of making decisions but understanding and knowing what is most important to you will help guide your approach. For me, being professional, respectful, sensitive and firm were important criterion.
The one big lesson: It’s far better to communicate either in-person or by phone so that there’s a two-way dialogue. Sending an email created some confusion and disconnect that could have easily been avoided.
My mantra…stop me before I volunteer again!
Endure Success despite Multiple Priorities
Researchers frequently study traits of successful people. I find that it’s important for each individual to first define what success means to him/her. When you know this criterion for yourself, you can track, measure and attain it. Every adult seems to have conflicting demands and multiple priorities these days. Those who endure success despite these ongoing challenges have a few key things in common, they:
* avoid regret by making sound decisions in their life and their work
* have positive energy that helps them focus on enjoying the present
* thrive on challenges by seizing opportunities as they present themselves
When success seems elusive for an individual it is usually due to a mismatch between your core values or moral compass and what you are doing. Your needs, integrity, goals, beliefs, and strengths comprise who you are. When you are congruent, you’re able to create higher levels of success; when who you are and what you are doing are not aligned, it creates undue stress, frustration, worry and overwhelm. Also, when you rely too heavily on one or two strengths rather than leveraging a variety of your strengths, you’re less likely to achieve your highest levels of success.
I referred back to a December 2006 issue of Entrepreneur magazine to explore this issue further and found several principles that helped one company beat the odds and endure success.
These are my notes on the Guiding Principles:
1. When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
When you feel stuck and things aren’t working anymore, rethink, analyze, and discover so that you can shift directions before you dig too deep!
2. Take action–you can’t afford to wait for all the facts.Avoid waiting for all the answers before proceeding. Make your best guess decision and go forth to seize opportunities as they present themselves!
3. Get comfortable with ambiguity.
The only thing truly certain in today’s economy is that things will continue to change.
4. Find your brilliance and leverage it relentlessly.
Your strengths uniquely set you apart; know your core strengths and use them to differentiate yourself in the marketplace and stand out!
5. Being all things to all people is the golden rule for failure.
Be a leader by doing what you do best within your niche or target market. Avoid straying from your core of what you do best.
6. Cut the fat. Leave the muscle. Get lean!
Eliminate anything that doesn’t add tremendous value to your customer and your bottom-line. Streamline and reconfigure to optimize your resources.
7. Embrace globalization.Outsource where it makes sense by reinforcing your business strategy.
8. Create a culture of trust.
Timely honest communication helps create trust.
9. Foster a sense of ownership.Engage your team by empowering them and allowing them to have a bit of an entrepreneurial mindset. Have a clear and consistent vision with a message conveying your vision, the supporting initiatives vital action steps.
10. Hire and retain the very best people.An entrepreneur I interviewed said “Hire slow, fire fast” to communicate the need to be selective when hiring your employees to insure you employ smart passionate people who fit your culture.
11. Reward people for a job well done.
In addition to financial rewards, when appropriate, provide timely positive feedback that recognizes contributions.
12. Innovate, innovate, innovate! Look outside the paradigm for new ideas.
Instill creativity and reward thinking outside the box.
13. Choose your customers (or those who influence your customers).
Identify your target market. Also align your vendors and suppliers as the most appropriate to help you serve your customer base.
14. Give customers what they really want.Understand your customer’s needs by frequently doing market research to best understand what they want. Customers buy based on the perceived benefit they will receive from your product/service.
15. Practice perpetual optimism.Manage your moods by instilling a positive sense of hope through your energy as the leader. Being ambiguous and fearful evokes the same in your employees.
16. Never, ever be a victim.Victims have a low level of energy often portrayed with guilt, self-doubt, worry, fear, embarrassment, hopelessness, anxiety, apathy, and lethargy. If you or your employees are stuck in this low level of energy, shift the perspective quickly and begin increasing self-worth. (I’ll say more about this in a future BLOG post because energy leadership is a vital ingredient to your success!)
Overcoming Perfectionism Paralysis
Paula Eder, PhD, The Time Finder Expert has a free ezine with her unique approach to finding time. In the 4/23 issue she explored tips for overcoming the insidious paralysis of perfectionism. She introduces action-oriented suggestions throughout her ezine which you can apply right away.
1. Perfectionism is a learned attribute that you can unlearn. You were not born a perfectionist. You learned perfectionistic behavior from others, and you can unlearn it now. Next time you hear your perfectionist voice, identify the original source, if you can. Was it from your family constellation or from how you saw people outside your family react to you? Or was it based on someone you modeled yourself after? Envision these perfectionist messages in a heavy sack of expectations you received, which you can now set down and leave behind.
2. When perfectionism leads to procrastination, replace it with a “better than perfect” goal. Inevitably, perfectionism will prevent you from attempting something, because you fear not doing it well enough. Remember, it is your own standards that are unrealistically lofty. If you feel stuck in a project, try replacing skyhigh expectations with a productive stretch, and then identify your next action step.
3. Release the shackles of perfectionism by naming the fear that serves as the lock. Tyrannical perfectionism both springs from and generates destructive fears. Identify the specific concerns that constrict you. Do you fear failure, or are you apprehensive about what will happen if you do succeed? The level of control that perfectionism promises is illusory. See if you can identify the illusions and replace them with realistic alternatives.
4. You needn’t victimize yourself with your own success. Once you have succeeded at a task, you may feel you have to meet ever-higher standards. This is sometimes referred to as “raising the bar syndrome”. Each effort leads only to demands for greater effort, until eventually you encounter the impossible challenge and inevitable defeat. Affirm that you remain fully in charge of your time and your goals, even as you move to a higher level of effectiveness.
5. Make friends with your mistakes. Perfectionists often judge mistakes as bad. In reality, mistakes present a valuable avenue for evolution. If you don’t risk enough to make these mistakes, how do you ever learn? Allow yourself the freedom to engage wholeheartedly,and enjoy the thrill of discovery!
Finally, recognize that your perfectionism is part of a deeply personal story that you are now free to rewrite. It derives ALL of its power from the meaning that you ascribe it. The more effectively you strip the symbolic importance from “perfection”,the less power perfectionism will have over you. To expose your perfectionism’s false promises, complete these sentences.
1. Doing something perfectly means I am _______________________.
2. When I don’t do something perfectly, then __________________.
3. The burden of perfectionism is _____________________________.
Exercise for overcoming perfectionism:
1. List 2 things you can do right now to reduce yourperfectionism. _____________________________ ____________________________
2. Describe how your life will change if you reduce your perfectionism. What will be the gains?
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(c) Copyright 2006-2009 Paula Eder, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
“Material used with permission from Paula Eder, Ph.D., who develops customized, practical guides to help individuals and organizations find time to achieve personal, professional,and academic goals, and achieve career success. Register for her free, Award-Winning E-Zine at http://www.findingtime.net
Anticipate time needed
Too often we over-stress ourselves because we don’t properly anticipate how long it will take to complete a project or task. In most cases, we under-estimate the time involved. To plan your day more effectively and to reduce your stress in the process, schedule adequate time during all three of the stages of a project, including preparation, productivity and closure.
To better allocate your time, keep a time log for a couple of weeks and track how long different activities take to accomplish. In order to get better at planning, you must first be aware of how your time is being spent. Be realistic about how much time your activities take and schedule your time accordingly. Non-realistic scheduling increases stress because there is not ample time to complete the full task as planned. Building in buffers for preparing and putting things away will allow the margin to decrease stress and increase productivity.
Balanced Entrepreneur or Workaholic?
Lee Down, a Professional Coach, Trainer/Facilitator, Speaker, & Writer of One Man Can Human Capital Development posted his view about this topic on his blog. I don’t know him personally but I found his views interesting and aligned with many of mine.
He compares a workaholic, someone who has no identity beyond their work and a True Entrepreneur, one that he observes their values, passion, and whole way of being aligned with what they do.
Check out his full post at http://www.welfarequeen.org/recreation/balance-entreprenurial-or-workaholic/
Defraying Stress
The Top
By Natalie Gahrmann, The Priority Pro
Between work demands, caring for your children, and seeing to everyday matters and responsibilities there is little time left to take care of yourself. So, many working parents put off time for their own needs and desires. However, you are a key influence on your child’s development, so the amount of stress you are experiencing in your work, family and personal life has a direct impact on them. Here’s some tips to help defray the stress and help you consciously take better care of yourself.
1. Breathe deeply
Bring in the air through your nose, deep down into your belly and out through your mouth in a slow relaxed fashion at least two-three times to help re-focus, re-center and relax.
2. Take in Relaxing Smells
Aromatherapy oils, herbal teas or scented candles are all relaxing to the olfactory system.
3. DAYDREAM, MEDITATE AND CONNECT WITH NATURE
Visit places and experience them newly. Or, give your mind a mental break by simply imagining you are somewhere else and creating a visual image and experience in your mind of being there. Either way, fully connect with your surroundings by noticing sounds, smells and textures. Relax your spirit and body using soothing music and warm lights.
4. Avoid Overextending Yourself
Stop saying “yes” too often to requests of your time, money, energy or other resources. Say “no” to things and people as a way of honoring you. Allow yourself a chance to think about the request before acepting the invitation. Bow out later if the commitment is contributing too greatly to your stress.
5. Eat Healthy Foods
Eat foods and drink beverages that nourish your body and soul.
6. Participate in a hobby or sport
Create an outlet for relaxation that you truly enjoy doing. Use your creativity to write, sculpt, knit, paint, etc. Use physical activities or daily exercise rituals to help “blow off” steam both physically and mentally.
7. lighten up
Smile, laugh and just be friendly to others. Friendliness goes far and helps you feel good about yourself. Humor lightens up tension. Notice how laughter is contagious, too. People are more naturally attracted to people who seem happy, positive, enthusiastic, and excited about life. Stop taking things so seriously all the time and lighten up a bit.
8. Enlist help from others
Learn to ask for and accept help (even when things are not done to your high standard level!) You will gain by delegating and allowing others to help, even when things don’t turn out exactly as they would have if you completed the task yourself. Allow yourself to be nurtured by your friends and family.
9. Spend Quality Time with Your Children
Have fun and interact with your children. Be fully present with them. Truly listen to what they have to say and connect on a deeper level.
10. Get Romantic
Stimulate your body’s release of endorphins by reading a romance novel, or better yet, curl up with your spouse/significant other or make love.
Re-Group when things are Chaotic
Lately I have felt like I’ve had more on my plate than usual. Working on a presentation for an entrepreneurial group, editing my audio book, revising my website, re-branding my company, serving present clients, contacting potential clients, writing my e-newsletter, writing some new articles, taking training for my own professional development and getting certified in a new tool I can administer for my clients, and so much more. Whew! No wonder why I feel so busy!
Several indicators tell me when it is time to re-group. First, I began feeling overwhelmed. Second, I was losing or mis-placing things. Third, I felt this incredible sense of not accomplishing anything. And, fourth, and likely the most important, my family noticed.
My husband recognized that I was always busy going to meetings, on the phone, on the computer but not connecting with him in our usual way. My daughter told me that she thought my work was more important than she was (ouch!) and my son got into some trouble. My exercise fell halfway off the schedule. Fortunately, I was working out 7 days a week doing running or walking for 10-15 miles weekly and a strength training video 2-3 days. Cutting out some of my exercise tended to make me de-energized and I ate more unhealthy foods.
When things start feeling chaotic, they probably are. So, before they get even further out of control. Take a break! Re-group and realign with what is most important to you, to your professional goals, and to your family. Make conscious choices and postpone, defer, delegate or remove some of the activities keeping you busy. Decide if you really need to be as busy as you are because if you’re busy doing the wrong things it really will not drive the results you are after.
Begin working smarter! It is not enough to get things done and check them off your list; you really need to be getting the right things done for that sense of accomplishment and improved results.
How Hungry are YOU?
After posting about needs and hungers last week, a number of people contacted me asking for more information. The important thing to note is that there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to feed your hungers; hungers are not necessarily BAD. Hungers may often masquerade as one of your highest ideals, values or desires. Some of your hungers may be very easily satisfied while others may return routinely, thus, creating a constant theme in your life.
Hungers operate at different intensities. Knowing the level a particular hunger is driving you, will be helpful in finding the most healthful ways of feeding it.
For example, if you are starving/famished you are likely deprived of a key component necessary for life. If your hunger is at this high level of intensity, chances are that you may need professional therapy to intervene because at this level there is a sense of desperation. You must have and will do anything to feed the need.
The next level of intensity, craving, exhibits a high demand and/or begging. At this level, there is still some level of danger that may benefit by professional therapy because one may do many things to get this hunger met, including (but not limited to) sacrificing your own integrity. If you do not feel at a level of choice, seek professional help!
The next three levels are less intense and may be able to be resolved with the help of a trained coach or perhaps on your own through your personal support network. At the Hungry level you must have it, if not immediately than relatively soon; the hunger is somewhat under control but on the verge of taking over your life. The Longing For level is an experience of regular and continual absence of the need because you have grown so accustomed to it not being fed. The danger here is that it is still there, in the background, and can easily intensify once allowed the presence of that need. Lastly, Having an Appetite For, is a healthier place of preference and some choice. It is the beginning of noticing that there is a deficiency. If you were to notice it at this low level and take some immediate action to take care of the feeding the need, then the other, more intense levels are short-circuited.
At the lowest level, a hunger is a mere whisper. You can usually avoid the compulsive, out of control feelings of the more intense levels just by simply recognizing the need and giving it a nugget or morsel to feed on.
Think about the emotional hungers you long for…do you have the need to feel safe, feel valuable?; to be right, to be appreciated?; to receive respect or love? If so, these are just some of the hungers I have worked on with my clients to help them find healthful ways to resolve in their life.
Employee Stress
A lot of work-related traps and hazards exist for employees today in addition to the personal stresses outside the office related to family, home, pets, health, finances, or a myriad of other possible areas. There’s no wonder that many employees are highly stressed!
As a leader, it is best if you can help employees know how to make stress work better for them; to transform stress to become a motivator to boost productivity and morale rather than succumb to it and have it effect job performance in negative ways.
When I work with leaders, I help them use positive energy in their leadership. I like to use an approach outlined in Energy Leadership (by Bruce Schneider). I help leaders observe the positive side of their encounters at work and the energy emitted by them and their employees in the work environment.
I believe that a good employee can easily adjust to any given situation and adapt well to the surroundings. Good employees have the ability to establish effective mechanisms that guide them so that work does not pile up. They are able to get everything done smoothly with ease and excellent output.
When employees are ready to shift away from productivity-inhibiting stress and be a valued employee, here are 5 top tips to help develop better focus:
1. Be More Disciplined: Impose your own personal working policy and implement it. Develop a working plan and set deadlines for each task or project given to you by your business leader(s). Be sure you follow the plan and deadlines you set. Learn the right pacing that will work best for you. You are the only one who can realistically control how fast, in which order and how well each task is completed. Focus on one task at a time to avoid mind clutter.
2. Develop routines: There are always other parts of your job or other projects/tasks that you also need to work on. Develop structure or systems that will help you create patterns and routines to get your work done. Set aside time for following phone calls, email, text messages and visitors so that they do not interfere with the task-at-hand. (Try out different patterns until you see what works best for you.)
3. Establish boundaries. Included in your working policy must be the boundaries you set for your co-workers and even loved ones. If co-workers need a little of your time to help them carry out some tasks, its okay to say “no” in a very nice way if you have priority things to do. For family members, set time when they can call you unless it is a life-and-death emergency.
4. Take a break when necessary. Tune in to your body signals and get to know when you need to take a break. When your body is stiffening, your impatience is growing, your concentration in diminishing or your creativity has run out, grab some fruit, a glass of water, take a walk, or do some basic exercises while at your desk to ease the tension from your body and re-energize yourself.
5. Create conducive workspace. Be sure that your workspace is comfortable and provides ease for your work. Have the necessary supplies near your reach and keep your space clutter-free. Learn to ignore the background noises from machines and chatty co-workers that can be disturbing.
