Got Guilt?
It’s amazing how quickly we can feel guilty, even for the most meaningless things in our lives. Many of my clients struggle with guilt but its purpose it simply to let us know when we’ve done something wrong, to help us develop a better sense of our behavior and how it affects ourselves and others. Guilt prompts us to re-examine our behavior so that we don’t end up making the same mistake twice. This article in Treasure Coast Parenting magazine offers 10 tips for busting the guilt. Hope it helps!
http://www.tcparenting.com/0411%20-%20April%20Webzine/index.html
see page 48-49
Anticipate Summer Childcare Needs
Sure, it’s only the beginning of spring, but if you haven’t started making plans for summer care for your children, vacation plans, and revised work schedules you may already be too late for some options. Camp programs that are perceived as the best fill up fast. Hot vacation spots quickly become booked and sold out.
Decide what type of childcare or camp you will need to for your children. Younger children, of course, need more care and supervision, whereas, older kids want more activities and trips. Some children are old enough to spend time alone (but do you really want your children unsupervised every day for large periods of time?) Perhaps, you can arrange with a neighbor or friend to be available for your children and keep an eye on things.
Depending on their ages, a job at a camp, with a landscaper or other seasonal help may be perfect to keep them busy. Your children would have the opportunity to earn money and you can breathe a sigh of relief because you know where they are, what they’re doing and whom they’re doing it with.
Parents who are home often welcome a mother’s helper (usually a 10-12 year old who is not quite old enough in most cases to babysit on their own). Local businesses may offer internships or apprentice programs to help young teens learn about business. In some cases, your employer may permit and welcome some extra help during the summer.
Summer camp programs are a viable option for your children. There are several million children ranging from age 3 through 16 enrolled in summer camp each year. The programs are either a day camp or an overnight schedule. Camp programs are available for just about every interest and length of time. Consider your child’s interests and you may be able to find a camp that offers programs specifically in his/her interest area. In addition, in some areas there are summer enrichment programs offered either independently or through the local school system. You may be able to use the summer as an opportunity to have your child catch up in a subject he/she is falling behind or take extra classes in an area of interest.
If you are interested in hiring a babysitter or nanny to watch your children during the summer, determine what your needs and requirement are first. Seek out candidates through agencies, advertisements and referrals. Interview each candidate and check references. When you’ve selected the person you want to hire, train her (or him) yourself. Be sure your caretaker understands your wants and needs and can adequately supervise your children. Discuss your rules and restrictions and be sure your caretaker understands them. Decide whether or not you will permit your caretaker to drive with your children in the car, where he/she is allowed to take your children, where your children may play in the neighborhood, and, if swimming will be permitted.
You must be confident in the care you arrange for your children so that you can concentrate at work without constant worry or interruption with their phone calls. You cannot wait until last minute to plan for the summer.
Stuck working late
Imagine this…I was at the gym on the treadmill and opened one of my favorite magazines. As I flipped through to choose a good article to read, I came across an article in Working Mother’s February/March edition that included tips when you have to work late.
Noone wants to get stuck without a plan when you suddenly need to work late. This article contained excerpts from an interview I forgot I had with an editor from Working Mother magazine. My tips include…
- Have a plan B
- Prep your kids
- Try negotiating
What strategies work for you when you have to work late??
Spring Cleaning
It’s time for spring cleaning. While you’re doing that, see what clutter you can remove from your life so that you can create more space for the things that bring you joy and success.
Read my latest article in March’s Treasure Coast Parenting magazine, “Spring Clean the Clutter from Every Facet of Your Life” on page 34-35 (http://www.tcparenting.com/0311%20-%20March%20Webzine/index.html)
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Adjust Priorities
When emergencies or catastophes strike, cars break down, accidents occur, or health issues arise, priorities often shift on a dime. It could take just seconds to temporarily or permanently change your entire life.
As your time and attention changes to more pressing matters, what do you do with whatever is still left on your plate? How do you continue tending to the important when the urgent is so compelling?
Reflecting on the recent tragedies in the world, including the earthquake and Tsunami in Japan, the major flooding, the bus accident on Route 95 in New York and other such events across the globe I wonder how people cope. Although I had no one personally from my family, friends or professional colleagues in the World Trade Center when the tragedy of 9-1-1 occured, we were fixated with the events. Those like me, in the peripheral, went on with our lives and work and continued to focus on other priorities.
However, when it affects you personally, you may be immobilized and fixated on the necessary actions although other priorities continue to exist in your life. Balancing your other needs and those of your loved ones is likely a challenge. For those who have lived through a death of a loved one, accident, sudden emergency, natural disaster big or small….how did you cope? What are some suggestions you have for others who may now be going through similar experiences?
Perfectionist??
Here’s a post I wrote for Manpower Inc. to help address the perfectionistic tendencies many of us suffer from. If this pertains to you, please read the post and share your comments, questions, and suggestions…
http://www.facebook.com/ngahrmann#!/notes/mypath/abolish-perfectionism/188388917867283
Utilizing Time More Efficiently
This article about “Time Management” has been reprinted several times over the years. It is currently available in Treasure Coast Parenting. Find it at http://www.tcparenting.com/0211_February/index.html or online in the resource section of my website, http://www.theprioritypro.com/resources/blog/. Post your comments here about how you do and don’t use time efficiently. You could win a FREE coaching session!
Coping with “To-Do” Overload
Research continues to show that we considerably perform better and faster when tasks are done sequentially rather than all at once, as in multitasking. Brain function diminishes as we work on projects simultaneously or switch between several different tasks.
Here are some quick tips to better cope with your overloaded to-do list:
- When mistakes matter, avoid multitasking!
- When you must multitask, choose what you want to execute quickly and (possibly) mindlessly rather than be able to absorb or concentrate on it.
- When you want to learn something new, focus on that one item.
- Pair different kinds of tasks rather than tasks that are relatively the same because same types use the same part of the brain and can easily lead to overwhelm or mistakes.
- Match tasks with different modalities, such as listening to music with no lyrics while reading instead of music with lyrics because the brain gets confused with too many words to process at once.
- Focus on each task’s relative importance. For example, rather than just playing a video game, pay attention to specific aspects of the game and then evaluate how well your performance improves in that area.
- Make at least one task routine. As you repeat a task, you increase your competence and confidence at completing it. If you repeat a set of skills over and over in exactly the same way, you are likely to get noticeably better.
Results tend to be worse when you multitask but in some cases, they’re especially compromised.
If the Job Fits…
If you’ve been unemployed, under-employed or just plain dissatisfied with your job, don’t let the feeling of desparation cloud your judgment or impair you from making a wise career decision.
Pay is by far not the only factor in landing a new position! As the economy begins to recover and companies start hiring, those that feel fortunate to have a new job opportunity may ignore the warning signs that the job doesn’t fit their needs.
Don’t let this be you! Before accepting a new position that seems like a dream job, dig deeper to learn more about the company to help you fully assess the fit. Be sure you understand the job. Know yourself as far as your strengths, interests, needs, etc.
Often, by turning down a job offer, you allow yourself the space for the right position to come along. It’s more difficult to leave a new job once you’ve begun working with the company.
Invisible Mom
Here’s an excerpt from an email I received from a friend. When I researched to find the original source, I came upon Nicole Johnson .
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way
one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be
taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping
the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see
me at all. I’m invisible.. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of
hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock
to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is
the Disney Channel ?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock?, Where’s my phone?,
What’s for dinner?’I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes
that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared
into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going,
she’s gone!?One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a
friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she
was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there,
looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to
compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she
turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you
this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn’t exactly
sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘With admiration
for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’In the days ahead I would read – no, devoured – the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I
could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we
have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for
a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and
expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their
faith that the eyes of God saw everything.A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird
on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you
spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by
the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, ‘Because God
sees.’I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost
as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you
make every day, even when no one around you does.No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve
baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to
notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see
right now what it will become.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of
the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work
on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went
so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime
because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving , ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3
hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a
monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there
is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it
there…’As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel,
not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.
Here’s the YOU TUBE Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0
Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know… I just did.
