Face your Fears
Many times, the biggest obstacle to success, balance and happiness is fear. Fear is just a barrier that challenges you and may stop you dead in your tracks.
I once heard a motivational speaker define fear as “false evidence appearing real”. Unfortunately, I don’t recall who to credit but I’ve remembered these words and repeated them to clients who were stuck.
Fear may show up in many forms. Petra (name changed) was so afraid of how success would change her life that she continually sabotaged her chances of success. She wasn’t consciously aware that she was doing this. She thought she was taking the steps to build her business, yet she wasn’t reaching out for new business or following up consistently with former clients.
When we began to explore how fear was showing up in her life, Petra realized that although there were several fears in her life, the biggest one was that she feared success. She labeled that fear and defined it as being afraid that her life would change; that she wouldn’t be the same person. (There were a number of limiting beliefs we uncovered that we worked through separately—I’ll write more about beliefs in a future blog!!)
Petra worked hard to disclose the origin of her fear and discovered that her uncle that she highly admired had distanced himself from the family when he became successful. He ultimately died a sick and lonely man. He was a workaholic who drowned himself in work; the resulting stress led to a severe heart attack at just 54 years old! Therefore, Petra feared that success would kill her too! She was afraid that having a successful business would mean she’d have no time for her family or friends. She feared being divorced, in poor health, with no friends or family who cared about her because she spent no time with them.
After realizing the origin of her fears and reevaluating them, Petra was ready to reframe her fear. She looked at her fears as an opportunity to build her business differently and a way to consciously stay connected with those she loved. She took responsibility for creating her success in the way it was important to her. Today, I’m happy to say that Petra lives a well balanced life with a successful business and happy family life.
For valuable tips and strategies to help face and fight your fears, visit my Full Plate Blog at MyPath.com. (http://connect.mypath.com/mypath/blogs/full-plate/2010/08/20/tips-and-strategies-to-face-your-fears)
How Confident are You?
Many ambitious high achieving professionals fear that they are not really as bright and capable as others tend to think they are. As they climb the career ladder they have apprehension and self-doubt. Although they have accomplishments, they tend to attribute these achievements to luck. All this weighs heavily on an already full plate.
Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!
The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard. The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!
Don’t allow it! Contact The Priority Pro for help stepping into your greatness! Be as bright and capable as others already believe you are!
Happy Summer!
Today is officially the first day of summer. For some, it may have felt that summer started weeks ago when your kids ended their school year or when the days were longer and hotter. With temperatures peaking in the 90’s today and bright sunshine, it will definitely feel like summer here in NJ, although the kids don’t finish their school year until Wednesday!
As each new season comes and goes, many of my clients use it as a time for self-reflection and renewal. They check-in with their goals to see if they are on track. They commit to achieving new goals for the second half of the year.
- Are you on track with your goals?
- What are your priorities this summer?
- How will you be sure to stay focused on achieving what’s most important?
- What obstacles may prevent you from achieving what you what you want to?
- How can you plan on avoiding them?
- What will you do to gain some enjoyment from this more relaxed time of the year?
As a professionally trained and internationally certified coach, I work with business leaders to help insure their personal and professional success. I offer training, keynote presentations, and seminars to support each individual and the organization as a whole to achieve your goals. Contact me to discuss your needs!
Reality Hits the Road
You may have had some sort of training along the way that helped lead you to your success, organizing, time management, goal-setting, right?
This isn’t about the basic time management skills or stress management 101. Take those principles you’ve learned like, (Covey’s) four quadrants, (Morgenstern’s) categorizing using the A, B, C’s for your task priorities, (Allen’s) integrated system of stress-free productivity and put them to the reality test.
What happens?
Unfortunately, many of these outstanding systems don’t work. Not because they’re not effective systems, but because people don’t fully implement them. Then, they give us and resort to their old ways, sometimes thinking that their situation is hopeless.
For instance, you start your day with a list or framework of what you are going to accomplish. You know what’s most important, you know what decisions need to be made but then, unfortunately, reality hits the road—
…the phone rings endlessly, the system goes down, your boss has a crisis that needs your immediate attention, you have some irate customers, a colleague plants themselves in the corner chair in your office to talk about her personal issues, you get an urgent message from the school that one of your kids has gotten hurt, etc.
The problem isn’t about managing time; it’s about managing all these interruptions. These distract you from accomplishing what you set out to do each day and if you don’t re-prioritize on a dime, ask questions to clarify importance and timeline, focus on what’s most important, delegate, be flexible (to a point), block out distractions, and say “no” when appropriate you may increase your stress, decrease your productivity and feel dissatisfied in what you’re able to accomplish on any given day.
How Confident are YOU?
Many ambitious high achieving professionals fear that they are not really as bright and capable as others tend to think they are. As they climb the career ladder they have apprehension and self-doubt. Although they have accomplishments, they tend to attribute these achievements to luck. All this weighs heavily on an already full plate.
Seemingly very successful business leaders at every level of the organization, entrepreneurs, rising stars worry that they’re not as great as others think they are. Although they’ve faced every challenge, received recognition and promotions, their customers’ think they’re a super star they fear that they will be found out!
The imposter syndrome can hold you back from pursuing dreams and goals. It prohibits you from feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment. It can cause you to work harder than anyone else to convince yourself that if you were really as smart and capable as everyone else believes, you wouldn’t have to work so hard. The fear can be paralyzing and terrifying, if you allow it!
If you’re one of the many, here are some more effective strategies:
- Be aware of the phenomenon.
- Make a list of the situations in which the feelings are likely to strike.
- Take an objective inventory of your accomplishments and skills.
- Stop being such a perfectionist! Allow yourself to make some mistakes and learn from them.
- Keep track of praise and compliments you receive; accept it the external validation!
- Disown your failures and stop blaming yourself for setbacks that are out of your control.
- Talk to others you admire about their worries about their own achievements.
- Set a modest goal for confronting this fear and think up a couple of steps you can take in the next month toward reaching it.
- Break frightening tasks into several parts. If possible, start with the easiest part.
- Separate feelings from reality.
- Gain experience, education, and training.
- Develop relationships with mentors.
- Be selective about the drive to prove yourself. Do a great job when it matters most. Don’t persevere over routine tasks.
- Ask for and allow help from others
- Recognize that everyone who does something new, takes risks, or stretches outside their comfort zone feels off-base at the beginning
- Stop expecting to know everything
For more information about the Imposter Syndrome, visit:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200907/the-imposter-syndrome
http://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/the-impostor-syndrome-when-fear-blocks-success.html
To take the quiz to see if you’re suffering from the Imposter Syndrome, click here: http://impostorsyndrome.com/quiz.htm
Flip your BUT
Most of us encounter obstacles on the road to achieving our goals. Through several experiences of working with my coaching clients and continuous learning opportunities, I have learned to turn these obstacles into stepping stones. If you’d like to learn how to turn problems and challenges into progress too, read on!
The first and probably most important point is that examining the problem in-depth rarely works because instead of focusing on solutions, you’re caught analyzing or dissecting the problem. Once you clearly identify the problem, increase your ability to make wise decisions by flipping over that obstacle to see what opportunities are available beyond it. If you remain caught up in looking at the problem, it will expand in your reality and you won’t be able to reach your goals. You’ll become either a victim who complains about the problem but doesn’t take any concrete steps to change the situation, or a quitter who gives up on the original goal and chooses a different path to pursue.
So, as you come across obstacles along the path to your goals, reflect on the hidden meaning of what it may be trying to tell you. Often, hidden within the pain of your problem are the seeds of what you really want. Clearly define what you’re hoping to achieve; redefine your goal. Be aware of the “buts” and flip them into “ands”.
Several years ago I had the fortuitous experience to work with some masterful coaches at a coach training school. I learned the technique of “flipping” my but and I’ve used it successfully myself, with audiences and with individual coaching clients. For example, if your goal is to get a new car BUT you can’t afford it, and you flip the “but” to an “AND” you’d be saying something like, “I want a new care AND I want to be able to easily afford the payments”. The sentence started with your goal to get a new car but ended abruptly at the BUT. It’s set up a conflict that cannot be resolved as long as the two things are seen as mutually exclusive.
Here’s another example…”I want to make more money, BUT I don’t want to work 60-80 hours a week”. If you flip the second half of this statement and combine it with the goal in the first part, you’ll end up with a powerful new goal such as, “I want to make more money AND work just 40 hours a week”. When you do this, you stop negating your goals, and start creating exactly what you want.
Do this exercise with one of your current goals. Fill in the blanks as indicated:
I want _____________________________________ BUT _______________________.
(your goal) (the obstacle)
Then, turn the “but” into an “and” below:
I want ______________________________________ AND ______________________.
(your goal) (your goal)
Once you’ve stated your new more powerful goal, start asking yourself questions like, “How can I get a great new car with payments I can afford?” or “How can I increase my salary while working while working less and earning more?” Keep asking these questions and other empowering questions so that you can engage both your conscious and your subconscious minds working towards finding solutions for you. This simple process of flipping the but works similarly when you have conflicting priorities. For example, “I want to attend the professional association meeting this evening but I promised my son that I’d attend his track meet”. When flipping the “but” to an “and”, I searched for an alternative or a solution that would allow me to do both and as a result I planned on dialing into the meeting and listening to the speaker while I watched my son run track.
Often when clients get this far in the process of achieving their goals, they let fear immobilize them. However, now that you’ve developed some empowering questions to move you toward your goal, the key is to get into action. Action is the perfect antidote for fear. As you take steps towards your goal, you can keep using this process as the evil “BUT” monster shows up. The fear of change, even positive change, can keep you stuck or push you back into victim or quitter mode. Feeling like you are stuck, or have no alternatives, dis-empowers you to achieve your goals.
Determine your goal and what’s stopping you so that you can flip that “BUT” to an “AND” and move yourself through empowering questions into deliberate action toward achieving your goals. If you feel you can’t do it alone, contact me at natalie@theprioritypro.com or call 908-281-7098 and I’ll be happy to explore how working with me as your coach can help you achieve your desired goals. With over a decade of experience and tangible results, let me help you attain your goals!
8 Days a Week…
As I was walking the dog yesterday in the cold rain, one of my old favorite songs came on my headset, “8 Days a Week”. As I reflected on the lyrics, I thought about preseverence, dedication and commitment.
Although Paul McCartney attributed the inspiration of this song to two different sources, Ringo Starr and later his chaufer, the song and it’s title recognized the feeling of overwork.
So, I began wondering even further. I wonder how many people ever really experienced unwavering dedication, commitment, persistence, or perseverence “8 days a week”. I wonder what it looks like when someone is at that 110%? I wonder if it’s healthy? I wonder if it’s something to strive for?
Then, I refocus on walking the dog and think, gee, “I’m walking the dog ’8 days a week’!” Through rain, snow, frigid temperatures and the heat of summer, I get out there at least once a day and walk my dog for at least 20 minutes, usually more. If I were to bring this same level of dedication to other tasks, other goals, even my clients, what would be different?!?!
I arrived home with a renewed sense of energy. Please share your comments on this post, especially, what you are committed to ’8 days a week’ and read more at my blog post at MyPath, too.
Maintain for Best Performance
Ongoing maintenance is key to keeping everything running at peak performance.
I took one of my cars in today for an oil change and some general maintenance work. Have my other car scheduled next week once the four new tires I ordered come in.
This reminded me about the importance of not only tending to our cars, but to other equipment, vehicles and appliances we rely on every day. In order to get a full life from our investments, we must properly care for them!
This is true, too, for our bodies and our families. Wellness visits and quick response to warning signs will help keep you running at tip-top shape. Although in our car, warning lights ignite on the dashboard when something needs our immediate attention, many ignore similar warning signs in their own body. If you’re suddenly feeling tired all the time, coughing, have difficulty breathing, are experiencing aches and pains, or just realize theat something is off, don’t ignore these signs. Similar to the dashboard lights, these are a warning that something needs your attention.
For those responsible for others, whether they be young children or aging parents, the same warning signs are indications of possible illness or other health issues. Pay attention…don’t be too busy to perform regular check-ins and maintenance. You’ll be glad you did because it could save you from long hospital stays, extended bed rest, and a possible financial burden.
Set Value-Based Goals
When working with successful clients, I’ve observed that those who experience the greatest levels of fulfillment and personal satisfaction as they achieve their goals, have aligned their goals with their personal values. If you follow good goal-setting practices in addition to aligning your goals with your values by writing specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and trackable (S-M-A-R-T Goals) action plans, you have a better chance of success and knowing what your true priorities are. You spend the majority of your time on what matters most to you!
The first step in the values-based goal-setting process has to start with making an inventory of your values. Goal-setting is important but unproductive unless it is set on a foundation of your values.
Your values are the intangible aspects of life that make you feel in alignment, complete, on track, and functioning at a high level. Values are the essence of who you are. They are at your core. Although they may change over time, a life that aligns with one’s core values will feel more satisfying, even in the most difficult and challenging times. Values are the things you do that you find very attractive, an emotional state that you feel is very important. As life changes, it is important to re-examine your values. What was important to you at 20 may not be the same thing as when you’re 43.
Some examples of values include adventure, fun, service, creativity, connection, etc. When we consciously design our life to align with our values, life gets immeasurably richer — and easier! Gaining clarity of your values and designing your life around them is a process.
To discover your values, ask yourself:
- What is most important to you in your life?
- Then ask, what is important to you about that? What does this give you?
For example, if you answered that family is most important to you. Dig further to discover the core underlying value by asking what does family provide for you; you may find that family gives you a sense of connection, belonging or community. As you see in this example, the underlying value extends beyond family. Focus on what the value gives you to be sure you’re uncovering the core value because this will help you set your goals around your values.
Once you identify you values, choose activities or goals that are aligned with them. When you set goals to experience more of what you value most, life gets immensely richer – and easier!
How to Manage Your Inner Critic
Many of my clients and several audience members often remark that they feel somewhat like an imposter because they’re not as bright, capable or successful as others perceive them to be. They’re often afraid someone may find out. If you share this issue, this article interestingly helps you manage your inner critic. If you need more help, 1-1 coaching may be the solution to help you break through your blocks and be more confident and successful in your own eyes. Call or email me to discuss your needs. And, don’t worry, our conversations are strictly confidential!
View the Harvard Business Review article: How to Manage Your Inner Critic
