Greeting Card Saga

Years ago when I became a mom for the first time it seemed everyone wanted to hear about the newest addition to our family and see pictures of him (so I thought!!!).  So, I began writing and sending an annual holiday newsletter with pictures, letters and photos that evolved over the years to include separate columns for every member of the family (with my kids eventually writing their own with much coaxing!).

Sending out these newsletters was on the top of the list of priorities for a dozen years that I could remember. The planning would begin months in advance. The list of recipients grew to include not only close friends and family but business colleagues, associates and clients. Most people expressed joy in receiving it and looked forward to getting their annual update and greetings from us. Several joked about how I must have had too much free time or that I falesly believed that people really cared about what my kids were doing, how they were doing at school and what my husband and I were doing in our careers and personal lives.

But after carefully crafting the newsletter for over a decade, I finally came to the difficult conclusion that it wasn’t a priority anymore. That year, I reluctantly sent out one of those picture cards of the family. The next year, another photo greeting card. The following year, a store-bought card with a hand-written note and a separate family photo. Then, last year, a card with no photo…just a signature!

This year, I wasn’t even going to send out cards! I reflected on how important cards (and newsletters) were to me over the years and how they lost their importance in the busyness of life. I chose a reactive method of sending out holiday greetings in response to those I received and didn’t send any out in addition.

So, as the saga continues, next year as my eldest  finishes high school and my youngest begins, I will again revisit the holiday greeting card ritual to evalutate the importance of the tradition, possible alternatives, and then decide what 2012 brings.

What holiday traditions are most important to you?

Have these holiday traditions held the same level of importance over the years? If not, how have they changed?

What new traditions have you put in place in recent years?

What traditions have you eliminated?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!!  Share your thoughts and answers to these questions in the comments section below. And…don’t be checking your mailbox for a holiday greeting card from me this year, unless you sent me one first! 

Happy Holidays to all and to all a healthy and successful New Year!

Receive Love

Mothers Day is a day for recognizing and appreciating our moms. This year, I feel fortunate that one of my colleagues, Renee Trudeau, provided me with her book, “The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal” as a gift I could forward to the subscribers to my e-newsletter. I received a couple notes from readers expressing their gratitude.

The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal is written as a reminder to the importance of self-care. My testimonial, “…it is a powerful and life-shifting book for every mom who continuously falls to the bottom of her ‘to-do’ list and forgets about the things that make her happy and feel her best. This practical and life-affirming resource empowers moms to reflect, renew and rejuvenate.” Although the offer for the free download has expired, the book is still available through major bookstores and online.

This past weekend, I did celebrate Mother’s day and surrounded myself with a nurturing and loving environment. After taking my mom out to lunch on Saturday afternoon with my two children, I brought my daughter and two friends to her dance competition and enjoyed watching the performances and skillful dancers. I also enjoyed connecting with other moms! Unfortunately, it was a late night! We got home after midnight.

After a restless night sleep due to over-exhaustion, I awoke to the sounds of my son hobbling through the kitchen on his crutches as he prepared breakfast for me. As I listened, a smile filled my heart! My son set his alarm clock so that he could awaken before me to prepare my favorite breakfast. How wonderful!! It tasted so good!

My daughter and her friend awakened late in the morning and washed my car after they helped themselves to breakfast. Again, a wonderful moment to accept love and be ever so grateful! I relaxed all day,and even took a nap. What a superb way of nurturing myself while my children expressed their love to me.

My husband made me my favorite dinner and cleaned up the entire mess afterwards.

For my Mother’s Day, I slowed down, relaxed, and gave myself permission to absorb the love around me. Hope you did something special as well!

Keep your Love ALIVE in your Super Busy Life

In time-starved families, romance seems to slide by the wayside. Between demands at work and the never ending to do list of items at home, there’s often little time left for connecting with your partner.

My husband leaves the house each morning at around 4:30 to commute into NYC for work. On a good night, he’s home by 6 pm each evening. The kids have some activities at night. I have some meetings, presentations, and client coaching sessions in the evening. My husband has chores and other family responsibilities. So, it’s difficult to find time to connect but we’ve managed to make some things a habit and they’ve worked pretty well for us.

My husband calls each morning when he arrives at work. It gives us an opportunity to connect and say “good morning”. We discuss anything that’s happening or needs to happen during the day and we say “I love you” when we hang up. We sometimes tease each other playfully to help us look forward to the evening ahead and to add some levity to the morning. We also connect briefly several times throughout the day through email or phone on most days.

My husband and I are best friends. We share a lot. However, we don’t share confidential information about our friends, family or colleagues but we share our feelings, concerns, dreams, and fears. He is, by far, my biggest supporter. He believes in me and I believe in him. The other night, after being married 16 years and dating over 7, I had a huge realization about how our differences compliment each other. He is very logical and analytical, strong at math, great with finances, and very strong—he comes at most things through the head. I come at most things through the heart or my gut instincts. So, when dealing with my son the other day, I realized that my son was taking some of my husbands joking comments to heart. I didn’t really say much at the time but later when we were lying in bed, I requested permission to share my opinion and observation. Knowing this could be sensitive, I wanted to demonstrate my respect for his strengths, so I did so lovingly and without accusation or offending. He heard me, took a while and thanked me for my input. Together we realized in that moment how we could compliment each other’s opposite strengths. I felt so in love with him in that moment and still the next morning.

A client of mine remarked at how she saw her husband in a totally different light when she quietly stood in the background and watched as he interfaced with the children at a baseball game. Although he wasn’t interested in sports, he volunteered to be an assistant coach for his son’s team. He knew very little about sports. He brought something very unique and inspirational to the team through his commitment, patience, leadership, and understanding. He motivated the kids in such a wonderful way. When my client saw her husband in this new and different role, she smiled from the inside and outside and fell in love with him all over again.

Too often, we look for the big moments to keep our love alive with our partners but it’s in the little moments of noticing who they are and how absolutely wonderful they are in even a small thing that makes such a big difference and helps you fall in love again.

What keeps your love alive? Email me with your stories, and if you’d like me to share, just say so. I won’t share your story and/or your name without your permission.

Warmly,

Coach Natalie

Remember Romance in Your SuperBusy Life

Keeping Love Alive!
by Sue Waldman, MA, LPC, CEC, Counselor

Men and Women often struggle with keeping love alive. There is always hope that other person and the relationship will change. Regrettable, the energy once invested in the beginning of the relationship diminishes significantly leading one or both partners feeling disconnected from one another. Rather than creating joy and alive-ness together, couples are merely co-existing with one another. What is needed for the relationship to grow is vision and intention. It is then possible for each partner to shift from a position of self-absorbtion to EMPATHY, from blame to OWNERSHIP, and from being a source of pain to creating SAFETY,COMFORT and ACCEPTANCE. This process involves exceedingly clear communication. Knowledge, understanding and compassion for the other’s world not only strengthens a couple’s connection but also opens up new and more expansive possibilities as more of the world is experienced.

Most couples who are struggling to stay together, think that for things to improve, extraordinary changes, if not a miracle, have to take place. Most of us are conditioned to believe that these changes need to be made by our partner, not ourselves. But we often don’t realize that we have no control over our partner’s behavior.

As a result, we develop a sense of hopelessness and helplessness about the relationship. “If only he or she would change, everything would be wonderful”–or at least this is what we delude ourselves to think. The breakthrough comes when we realize that by making small changes in ourselves, we can inspire huge, positive changes resulting in feeling more optimistic, hopeful and open to our partners.

Couples can learn to fine-tune and develop skills so they can effectively and lovingly navigate the challenging relational waters. Romance can be renewed and love can be celebrated. Getting there is not always easy. Without a compass or a roadmap, it is difficult for couples to find their way. Professional Counseling can help. Contact Advanced Counseling & Coaching Services for a complimentary phone consultation at (973) 857-9090.

Tips to get Closer

THOUGHTFUL acts of KINDNESS
* compliment your partner on how s/he looks * give your partner a hug * gently touch your partner when s/he walks past you * Surprise her or him with an impromptu at-work lunch picnic * Do that one chore that your partner has been avoiding- take his/her car to get inspected

THINK OUT OF THE BOX * plan the perfect getaway in your home town -somewhere you have never been * Spend a few minutes in the morning recalling & sharing your dreams. * Rather than watching T.V together, go to a park and watch the birds or children play * Have fun with your camera- imagine creating your own erotic magazine * Role-Play your favorite movie stars

LAUGH AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE * Tell each other funny jokes- try to make them up yourself * Go to a funny movie together wearing your PJ’s * Play an April 1 joke on March 1 * Write a funny love story and act it out * Laugh…it is contagious

COMMUNICATE FROM YOUR HEART NOT YOUR MIND * Listen, Listen and Listen * Express your feelings in a constructive manner * Delete the button for gripes, criticism and annoyances * Ask yourself, “Is it helpful to be right or to be happy?” * Compromise RE-

INVENT ROMANCE * Remember when you first met…Do it again * Play with essential oils, especially rose oil * Experience abandon..do something you have never done * Dine at the most Romantic restaurant and feed each other * Take the longest, hottest bubble bath together Remember every day is Valentine’s Day! Most importantly, demonstrate your love for one another by being impeccable with your word. Be it, Breathe it and live it.
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Sue Waldman, MA, LPC, CEC is a licensed psychotherapist, certified Grief Recovery Specialist, Energy Healer and an iPEC Certified Life Coach working privately in New Jersey and New York City. Her specialty encompasses grief and loss, spiritual and personal development, forgiveness and love. Sue is available for training, teaching engagements, workshops, retreats, and telephone sessions. Contact Sue at Advanced Counseling & Coaching Services at (973) 857-9090 or email her at suewaldman@coachingtolove.com.